As you’re probably aware, most narcissists LOVE being centre of attention. Especially the more overt narcissists.
Narcissists hate it when things aren’t revolving round them. They almost feel like they’re going to shrink into oblivion, when the spotlight is not firmly fixed on them.
Narcissists don’t care whether someone else needs attention more than them. Or whether they’ve had more than their fair share. The narcissist wants ALL the attention ALL the time. So they devise different tactics to get it.
Here’s some of the strategies narcissists use to gain attention…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Fake Emergencies
Some narcissists create fake emergencies to gain attention. Because they know that no matter how busy you are, you have to respond.
They may claim they have an invisible “illness” that can’t be proved. Their partner has left them. Or someone has been cruel to them in some imagined way.
With fake emergencies, the narcissist pushes people into no win situations. Because if they respond, then they’ve made them dance to their tune. But if they don’t respond, then the narcissist can play the victim. And gain attention from others for being ignored in their “time of need”.
Choose Jobs Or Hobbies That Give Them Attention
It’s no coincidence that many narcissists become politicians, actors, musicians etc. These jobs involve taking centre stage. And this is certainly not lost on narcissists.
In many ways it’s good they channel their need for attention into these lines of work. They get paid for attention seeking. Which they’d be doing anyway. And it’s probably a healthier form of attention seeking than many of the examples in the rest of this article.
But narcissists can let the spotlight get to their head. And act like divas.
Narcissists Talk Loudly
More overt narcissists talk loudly and stand in the centre of the action, screaming, “Look at me!”. They dominate the conversation. And everybody is aware of their presence.
Overt narcissists usually have the loudest voice in the room. Literally echoing off the walls!
They talk loud, and talk over everybody else. Their relentless pursuit for attention can be draining for those around them. Don’t they ever pause for a breath?!
Change The Subject Back To Them
Narcissists favourite topic of conversation is themselves. And if anyone changes the subject, they swiftly change it back.
If the narcissist isn’t talking about themselves directly, they talk about things that involve them. Such as their work or interests.
Narcissists rarely ask questions about others. And if they do, it’s usually to set up more chat about their favourite topic – themselves. “How’s you day been?” “Fine thanks. How about you?” “Oh I’ve had one hell of a day…(Cue 10 minute monologue)”
Ignore
Narcissists sometimes flat out ignore someone if they do the unthinkable and talk about something other than the narcissist. They may look at their phone, or stare blankly into space.
They hope to show you how unimportant you are. That you’re not even worth responding to. This is to dissuade you from talking any more. Now shut up and listen.
Play The Victim
Some narcissists play the victim to gain attention. They may turn on the water works, or talk emotionally about their problems.
Narcissists know that most people patiently listen to them if they talk about things that are going wrong in their life. Who has the heart to cut someone off when they’re talking about something sensitive? No one… except narcissists of course!
Arguments
Some narcissists like to place themselves in the spotlight by causing arguments. They often do this on special occasions where someone else is in the spot light. It could be someone’s wedding or birthday party for example.
Narcissists don’t like someone taking away THEIR attention. So they create a drama with themselves in the middle. That way everybody is looking at them. And talking about them.
During my wedding, my narcissist ex mother-in-law tried her best to cause arguments with the organisers. Just so she could take centre stage. Thankfully they didn’t take her on, despite her best efforts. She was more than happy to steal the limelight by creating a conflict and ruining the occasion for everybody else.
Narcissists Antagonise
Narcissists sometimes antagonise for attention. Like a naughty child, negative attention is better than none. Once you shout or swear at them, they have your undivided attention.
They may fabricate a disagreement for attention. For example, pretend they want to see their friends on your birthday. They might not actually want to do this, but they know you won’t be happy. So they bring this up to stir up a long conversation about why this isn’t fair.
Or they might bring something up from the past that you’ve previously argued with. Or something they know you’re sensitive about.
Whatever it is, they find something that causes you to have a long serious conversation. And they get your undivided attention.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists spend most of their lives plotting ways to gain attention. So they’re usually good at it. They find different ways to gain attention from different people. Once they find a strategy that works, they remember it for next time.
If you don’t want to encourage certain behaviours, then don’t give them attention in response. If they antagonise you, don’t feed it by engaging in an hour long discussion about what they said. Simply walk away and withdraw attention. They quickly learn this tactic doesn’t work on you.
Narcissists have a greater need for attention than most people. And if you have one in your life, you have to accept this.
Give them attention on your terms. Go to them and talk to them. Initiate conversation. Ask them about their day. Praise them if they’ve done something praiseworthy. And be generous with your praise. That way they don’t feel they always have to fight for your attention. And you retain some element of control.
Whilst this won’t stop their attention seeking behaviours, it should reduce them. And you might find them a little more bearable to be around.
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