Not only do narcissists bring their own toxicity to the table, they surround you in it. And create toxic environments.
This means that even when the narcissist isn’t physically present, their toxicity lingers. And when they ARE around, it’s magnified.
Toxic environments are damaging to your mental and physical health. So it’s important to recognise them. Because they can be surprisingly difficult to detect when you’re in the thick of it.
Here’s the various ways narcissists create toxic environments…
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Narcissist Families
Narcissism often runs in families. And if your partner is a narcissist, then it’s likely they have narcissist relatives. And if you’re in a relationship with them, their toxic family becomes yours. Creating a network of toxic people in your life.
On top of this, if you have children with a narcissist, then sadly there’s a fair chance one or more become narcissists. Meaning your immediate family AND extended family are likely to contain narcissists.
This fills your life with toxic people, no matter where you turn. So even if you allow only one narcissist into your life, they may bring in multiple narcissist family members.
Attract Toxic People
Whilst narcissists feed off caring empathetic people, they also attract like minded individuals. And form circles full of toxic people.
Narcissists don’t want to be a thorn in a bed of roses. And too many empathetic people makes them look bad.
So narcissists welcome other narcissists into the fold. To keep the empaths in check. And to stop them looking bad. Creating a murky toxic environment where they hide their flaws.
Narcissists often surround you with their toxic associates. Who bring their own drama and chaos into your life. Which again multiplies the toxic influence in your life.
Narcissists Encourage Others To Be Toxic
Narcissists often bait people into unleashing their toxic sides. Bringing out the worst in them.
They may stir trouble between individuals, causing them to fight. And encourage people to take aggressive options when conflict is in the air.
Narcissists may manipulate their loved ones into toxic behaviours by convincing them they’re doing the right thing. For example they may advise them to “stand up for themselves” when they should walk away. Or encourage them to see the bad in people, and interpret their actions in worst possible light.
Narcissists often reward their children when they display toxic behaviours. And punish them when they take the peaceful option. So even if they’re not technically narcissists, their children learn many toxic behaviours.
Attract Drama
Narcissists attract drama like moths to a flame. And drag you along for the ride.
Narcissists attract drama, because peace and harmony bores them. And their lack of empathy means they don’t lose any sleep over the conflict. But you do.
They may fall out with neighbours, and insist you back them. Even when they’re at fault. Creating tension in the area you live.
Narcissists may also fall out with their friends and family. And even yours. Creating awkward “us and them” situations, where you’re expected to choose sides.
This toxic drama often causes stress and anxiety. Because you to live in an almost constant state of flight or fight. Which releases toxic hormones into your system.
Lack Responsibility
Narcissists feel entitled to everything, but responsible for nothing. And this contributes towards creating toxic environments.
Narcissists don’t feel responsible to clean up after themselves. Because they’re too important for menial chores. So unless you want to live in squalor, you clean up after them. And usually you’re fighting a losing battle against their toxic mess.
Narcissists also don’t feel responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of their home. Or to ensure that things are organised and running smoothly. Creating chaos and disorder all around them.
Some narcissists have issues with personal hygiene and health. And can’t be bothered looking after themselves. Which again can negatively affect people around them.
Toxic Habits
Narcissists often have toxic habits they bring into the household. They may drink, take drugs, smoke, etc.
Narcissists usually don’t care about keeping their toxic habits away from their family. And may leave remnants of their exploits for all to see. And literally pollute the atmosphere.
If the narcissist is away for some time, you may notice the air smells fresh. And the environment is clean. But it quickly descends back to it’s “normal” toxic state when they return.
Normality
The sad thing is that after a while, narcissists’ toxic environments become normalised. And people get used to them. Which means they often wallow in toxic waste grounds for far too long. Unaware of how bad it actually is.
Being surrounded by toxicity rubs off. And people inadvertently pick up toxic habits. Because we’re influenced by the people we spend time with. And the environments we live in.
It’s only when we leave these toxic environments that we see the full extent of what surrounded us. And the bad habits we acquired. But you can heal, and the bad habits can be unlearnt, once you break free.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists create toxic environments in a literal and metaphorical sense. And this is how they like things.
Narcissists stand out like a sore thumb in clean respectful surroundings. But can hide their flaws amongst the dark swirling clouds of toxicity. And make it seem like everyone else is the problem. Or at least partly to blame.
If you want to avoid toxic environments, then you must avoid toxic people. And this involves learning how to identify narcissists, so you know who to stay away from. Because they can be fiendishly deceptive. Especially during the early stages of a friendship or relationship.
Toxic environments are bad for your mental and physical health. So if you can, get out immediately. But if it’s difficult, then plan your escape. And work towards breaking free. Because once you taste the crisp clean air, you’ll never look back.
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11 Signs You’re Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
I have been living with a Narcissist for years. But due to Health problems and being on Disability there is no way to leave. I find the hardest thing to be that there cannot be a intimate Relationship. Even when I try to talk about it he acts as if he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Always telling me that it’s me and that he works his Butt off for me What More Do I Want . Sex is just that Sex without really any touching on his part . But when I ask him why he can’t touch me he smiles and says it’s not you it’s me . I don’t even understand that . He has had many Affairs but doesn’t think I know. I can tell every time. I even tried to tell him that I know and he said you think you know but you don’t know anything. He is very smart and therefore I can’t actually prove it . But he actually tells me that I’m his Soul mate . I told him that he was a liar which made him very angry. He never starts anything sexual but gets upset if I don’t. I have come to the Conclusion that he is crazy.
Hi Marina. Sorry to hear your story, and unfortunately it’s not unique. Narcissists often become physically and emotionally distant with their partners. Largely because they fear genuine intimacy, as it leaves them vulnerable. So they seek sex elsewhere because it’s superficial so they can’t be hurt, and it reaffirms their grandiose beliefs that they’re highly sought after.
Narcissists often see their primary partners more like care givers. And enjoy all the things they do for them. And they don’t want to give this up. Which is why they often say you’re soul mates. (I wrote an article specifically on that here – http://narcissisms.com/why-narcissists-claim-to-be-soul-mates/). And other niceties. As this often becomes the glue that binds you, and keeps you around to give them more.
I hope this helps give you some understanding of what’s going on Marina. Narcissists don’t think like neuro-typicals. Which is why they make seemingly crazy decisions. But once you learn how they operate, it makes more sense.
Really resonated with the toxic, polluting of the environment. My npd smokes and chews tobacco. Its all over this house, bottles with spit in them and his den is a disgusting smoke infested cave. Of course anything that is asked of a narc is looked at as an insult or challenge so if you ask they do less of a behavior, they will do it more. Anything to ignite an issue or show you that they are the one in control and not you.
Yes, it’s impossible to stop them!