One of the biggest problems with narcissists is they’re good at hiding. When you first meet them they often present as friendly, charming, and kind.

Once you’ve known them a while, they begin to reveal their narcissistic side. And by then it’s difficult to remove them from your life. And that’s their plan.

In this article I discuss early warning signs that indicate someone may be a narcissist. This helps you stay alert whilst getting to know people. But please take these signs with a pinch of salt.

They don’t necessarily mean someone’s a narcissist. Neuro-typicals also display these behaviours. Especially if they’re nervous, or keen to impress.

These signs help paint a picture of the person in question. And if a few of these behaviours keep cropping up, then be careful. Keep them at arms length, and take things slowly. Narcissists can’t maintain the nice act forever.

Here’s some early warning signs that someone may be a narcissist…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Stories Don’t Quite Add Up

Narcissists are “in the moment” people. And their stories flip-flop, depending on what they want at the time.

For example, the narcissist may boast about their wealth if they want to impress. Then next breath cry poverty if they want someone to pay for drinks.

Narcissists may not lie much in the early days of a relationship. But you may still find subtle inconsistencies. Often involving how great they are one minute, and playing the victim the next.

If you challenge them, they’re usually skilled enough to find plausible reasons for their contradictions. A classic is, “I was embarrassed to tell the truth.” But if they keep showing inconsistencies, then you’re probably not dealing with someone truthful.

Warn You About Mental Health Issues

Narcissists often talk about mental health issues soon after meeting someone. They may confide that they get depressed, or have anger issues for example. And may warn you that they ruin relationships.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist, this is to prime you for abuse later. Once their issues are on the table, they hope your lovely empathetic self gives them a free pass.

Narcissists hope their “issues” provoke your pity. And you feel sorry for them, even when they treat you badly. This keeps you onside, allowing them to repeatedly abuse you, without pushing you away.

Fake Emotions

To avoid being hurt, narcissists disassociate themselves from their emotions. Meaning they don’t feel them much.

Instead narcissists fake emotions to fit in, and to advance their agendas. A life time of this makes them excellent actors. But they don’t always get it right.

Narcissists often weigh up situations and “decide” which emotion to use. And the decision is usually based on what’s advantageous to them. So look for a pause before their “emotions” kick in.

Because they fake most of their emotions, narcissists can shift from one emotion to another. At the flick of a switch.

For example, the narcissist may decide to be angry for some trivial reason. Probably because they want attention. And all hell breaks loose, with everyone walking on egg shells. Then their phone rings, and their anger immediately switches to joy, or whatever emotion they want to direct at the caller.

Yes we all do this. But narcissists do this to the extreme. And may resume their bad mood as soon as the call is over. Or forget they were angry if distracted enough.

Talking Of Emotions…

Narcissists have an aversion to emotions because if something outside them makes them feel a certain way, they’re not autonomous. And narcissists hate anything having control over them.

You can test a potential narcissist by bringing up the subject of emotions. And ask how something makes them feel.

Narcissists usually avoid discussing emotions because they don’t want to show weakness. And they don’t really understand them.

They may change the subject. Or search for an answer in their head, rather than recall the feeling spontaneously. “Deciding” how they feel is a dead giveaway.

Laugh Too Much At Some Jokes

Narcissists don’t have sophisticated senses of humour. They often don’t “get” jokes, and need them explaining. Which kills them stone dead!

Some narcissists don’t admit they don’t understand jokes, because they like to appear intelligent. So they fake it. But sometimes they over compensate and laugh wildly at mediocre jokes.

Like with emotions, narcissists may pause before deciding to laugh, rather than laughing spontaneously. And if you watch their expressions, they may appear flat before suddenly laughing.

Humour

Many narcissists like slapstick humour. Probably because it’s simple, and they like to laugh at other peoples’ misfortune.

Their laughter may feel fake or forced. But not always, because some develop good acting skills.

Narcissists humour often involves putting people down, because they love one-upmanship. They usually dress it up as friendly banter. But there’s an intention to put you down. Which you may intuitive feel. But of course they deny this if you ask them.

Narcissists can seem hilarious if they memorise jokes or funny stories. Or are good at doing impressions. But these are displays of skill, rather than humour. Narcissists often steal funny stories or jokes that get good reactions, and use them as their own.

Narcissists are not usually good at thinking on their feet with humour. Their jokes are usually pre scripted. And once you’ve known them a while, you notice them wheel out the same tired old jokes when they’re looking to impress.

Can’t Take A Joke

Although narcissists can dish it out, most can’t take a joke. And once they’re close to you, they may react angrily if the joke’s on them. But they probably won’t do this in the early stages of a friendship or relationship.

When narcissists are on their best behaviour, their reactions are more subtle. If you watch them closely, they quietly seethe when the joke’s on them. With a face like thunder.

Too Close Too Soon

If a narcissist decides you’re good supply, they may rush your friendship or relationship. If it’s romantic, they may talk about love, marriage, and children, within weeks of meeting you.

If it’s a friendship, they may call all the time. Leave things at your house, borrow things, and get to know your family and friends. Quickly ingraining themselves into your life.

They know they can’t keep up the nice act forever. So the faster they hook themselves in, the better. Because once you’re reeled in, they can relax and unleash their narcissistic ways.

The more you’re tied to the narcissist, the more difficult it is to walk away. Meaning you’re more likely to stick around and take their abusive behaviours.

Beware anyone who wants to get too close too soon. Especially if they ignore your attempts to slow things down. This shows they don’t take your thoughts and feelings seriously. Which is another red flag.

Talk About Themselves A Lot

In the early stages, narcissists try not to talk about themselves too much. But sometimes they can’t help it.

Narcissists are experts at subtly bending conversations to revolve around them. Or things they do, such as their work or hobbies.

You may notice them glaze over and fake attention when you talk about yourself, or things you’re interested in. They don’t care, although they may feign interest to keep you sweet.

Once you’ve finished talking they may mutter a “mmm” or a “yes”. Then completely switch the topic of the conversation. Showing they weren’t really listening.

Lots Of Conflict In Their Life

The narcissist may talk about fall outs with family and friends. And volatile relationships with former partners. But there’s one giveaway that shows they may be narcissists.

Narcissists never accept responsibility for conflicts. ALL fights are someone else’s fault. They’re never even partially to blame. This is because of their lack of accountability, and their inability to see things from other people’s perspective.

If someone has MANY conflicts and none are their fault, they’re either very unlucky, or not revealing the full story.

Likes Everything You Like

In the early stages of a friendship or relationship, a narcissist may copy you. And pretend to like things you like.

Narcissists know that if they mirror you back to yourself, you’ll probably like them. Who doesn’t like people with similar interests and opinions?

It may be uncanny how many interests you share. And you may feel you’ve met your soul mate. But if you delve deeper, they have only superficial knowledge of your interests. And once they’ve drawn you in deeper, they don’t like these things any more.

Something Feels “Off”

When dealing with a narcissist, things may feel “off”. This is your gut telling you that something isn’t right about this person.

Narcissists never truly connect, due to their lack of emotional empathy. So they don’t enter your world. This can cause unsettling feelings around them. Especially when they don’t pick up on your moods or needs.

If you’re feeling delicate, an empathetic person picks up on this. And may be gentler with you. But narcissists don’t notice, or don’t care. And may come at you like a bull in a china shop.

Empathetic people meet each other half way. They intuitively take the other persons personality and mood into account, and act accordingly. Whereas narcissists do what they want, oblivious to your feelings. Causing you to feel disconnected and uneasy.

Final Thoughts

These early warning signs don’t necessarily mean someone’s a narcissist. And their absence doesn’t mean they’re not.

Stay open minded when you meet ANYONE new. They may be a good addition to your life. Or they may be less help than a chocolate fireguard.

Initial impressions tell you little. Because it’s easy for manipulators to pretend to be anything during the first few encounters.

Take your time building trust. Don’t allow anyone to rush you. And keep on the lookout for red flags. If they care about you, they’ll understand if you want to take things slowly. A “but I feel so connected/in love etc.” doesn’t excuse this.

If you ever want out, then get out. And don’t feel bad. Life’s too short to waste on people who use and hurt you. There’s no shame in cutting people out your life. It’s YOUR life, and your choice who you spend it with. Always remember that.

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