I sometimes wonder how much influence narcissists have over society. And the rules and conventions that govern us. Because many long held beliefs seem tailor made to benefit them.

Narcissists are attracted to positions of power and leadership. And always have been. So it’s not a big stretch to reason that many commonly held beliefs were influenced by powerful narcissists throughout history. And were created or influenced to serve their needs.

Narcissists are unreasonable by nature. And don’t look to adapt to the world around them. They try to change the world to fit them. And installing popular beliefs into the consciousness of the masses, helps them achieve this.

Here’s some commonly held beliefs that I feel narcissists have either created or altered to suit their agendas…

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The Course Of True Love…

In 1598 Shakespeare wrote, “The course of true love never did run smooth”. And this saying has been engrained in the collective consciousness ever since.

And it makes a great Hollywood story, where two lovers over come adversity and with fiery passion, fall into each others arms. But like Shakespeare, this is fiction not fact.

A mutually beneficial relationship between two healthy minded people, is relatively plane sailing. Because all their cards are on the table. And they’re both in it for the right reasons.

A narcissist relationship on the other hand, doesn’t run smooth. Because they’re takers. And they often attack the person they supposedly love. Either covertly or overtly. Which causes arguments, fights, and unstable on-off relationships.

The course of true love… implies that relationships MUST be difficult to be “true love”. And many narcissists endorse this message for selfish reasons. And use it woo back ex partners they’ve mistreated.

They may also use it to eliminate any empathic love interests you have. Because according to this saying, it can’t be true love if you’re not fighting every 5 minutes. Which of course is nonsense.

There’s Two Sides To Every Story

There often IS two sides to a story. And in normal circumstances with conflicts, both sides usually do have a point. But this is when it involves two empathetic individuals. With a narcissist and a neuro typical, it’s often the case that it actually is one-sided.

Narcissists try to disguise their toxic behaviours by blame shifting. And creating the impression that it’s the other persons fault. And even if they don’t fully convince them that it’s their fault, they usually benefit from the two sides argument.

Narcissists love to create conflicts for various reasons. Then blame the other person. The two sides argument at least partially blames the other person. Making them feel guilty and remorseful. Whereas the narcissist feels nothing.

This gives the narcissist power. They don’t feel bad for the fight because they lack empathy. This means they’re free to create toxic arguments with neuro-typicals. Leaving them feeling distraught and guilty, whilst they feel fine.

This allows the narcissist to cause arguments to punish and control. And even hurt for their pleasure. And get away scot-free. Because as the saying goes, “there’s two sides to every story”. And the other person feels at least partially responsible. And this creates hurt and discomfort.

There’s Good In Everyone

There’s an attitude that everyone is essentially good. They just sometimes make mistakes. Or they don’t realise how they affect others. But when it comes to narcissists, this isn’t true.

Yes they may virtue signal and do some good. But that’s for their benefit. Which is why they show off these “good deeds”.

Narcissists usually know what they’re doing. And they deliberately aim to take from people, whilst giving back as little as possible. So having them in your life is your loss, and their gain.

The problem with saying there’s good in everyone is this encourages people to keep toxic people in their life. Despite them being a massive drain. Because they cling to “fact” that they must be good deep down.

Marriage Is For Life

Most religions place a heavy emphasis on marriage. And how it’s a divine bond that must remain unbroken for life. And that’s all well and good for normal marriages. But not for a marriage with a narcissist. You can’t fix a marriage with a broken person.

Narcissists prey on vulnerable people. And are prepared to play the nice act for months, even years. And pretend to be kind and caring. Then as soon as the ring is on the finger, they drop the façade, and unleash their narcissistic side.

Is it fair to insist that someone is burdened for life by a fraudster, who pretended to be someone they’re not? Is this really the purpose of marriage?

Many narcissists regard the vows as applying to their partner, but not them. And feel entitled to cheat and do what they want. But when things go South, they demand they stay together “for the sake of the marriage”. But if they really cared, they wouldn’t have cheated.

Narcissists consider their partners their property. And some doggedly stick to the “marriage is for life” principal long after their partners flee. And are obstructive when they seek divorce. And may even engage in stalking long after the marriage is dissolved.

Thankfully in modern times, most territories have relaxed the rules on divorce. Understanding that it doesn’t always work out. But some of the stigma remains. And there’s often pressure to save marriages. Especially amongst religious people, or couples who share children.

It’s A Dog Eat Dog World

Some narcissists use phrases like “It’s a dog eat dog world”, and “survival of the fittest”, to justify their bullying behaviours. But their take on it is flawed.

In the wild, pack animals survive largely through collaboration. And look after each other. So the collective is stronger than the sum of its parts. And although there’s some competition amongst the group, this is dwarfed by the camaraderie, support, and love.

But narcissists bully and dominate their own family. And often treat them worse than strangers. Because they know they can get away with it. So their modus operandi is not in line with the laws of the jungle.

Narcissists are less keen to apply Darwinian rules when someone’s stronger than them. They’re the first to complain when they’re being used and abused. So it’s clear that it’s only a dog eat dog world when they’re doing the eating.

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

This saying is commonly interpreted as meaning family takes precedence over everyone else. And a narcissists may use this phrase to demand complete and total loyalty, no matter what.

A narcissist could be massively wrong during a dispute. But still expect family backing. Just because you’re related. They don’t care about seeking the truth. Or whether they put you in an awkward position. They just want to win. But the question is, should you endorse their bad behaviours, just because you’re related?

“Blood is thicker than water” derives from the saying “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. Which actually means the opposite of its common usage.

It means that the bonds you make by choice, are more important than the people you’re bound to by the water of the womb – family. So the people you choose allegiance with, are more important than family. And this makes sense. Why give precedence to abusive family members, over good friends?

If You Can’t Handle Me At My Worst…

The famous Marilyn Monroe quote reads, “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

This essentially says you must put up with sh*t before deserving the good times. But why?

There’s speculation that Marilyn Monroe suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder. Which is similar to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And whilst she’s an icon of the silver screen, she clearly had her troubles.

You shouldn’t have to put up with abuse before you get to the nice times. And anyone expecting this, doesn’t have your best interests at heart. They should at least strive to improve their behaviour. Otherwise it shows they’re happy to behave this way. And don’t really care about you.

Religion

There’s so many religious passages that narcissists twist to their advantage. Which is one reason why some narcissists gravitate towards religion.

A narcissist parent may demand total obedience by citing the passage, “Honour thy Father and thy Mother.” Or a narcissist husband may quote, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.”

Narcissists cherry pick religious passages that are favourable to them. And twist them to their advantage. But conveniently brush aside the ones that take away their power.

Narcissists often have only a superficial knowledge of their religion. Because it’s merely a vehicle to get them what they want. So it’s sometimes worth out-learning them, and trumping their religious quotes with yours.

Can you think of any more commonly held beliefs that serve narcissists? Please share them in the comments bellow…

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