When you first meet a narcissist it’s often difficult to tell. Narcissists are masters of deception, and can appear neuro-typical when they want to.
At the beginning they usually play their “A game”. They’re pleasant, charming, and even considerate. In fact they may be too good to be true. This is their act to impress and reel you in.
Narcissists want to be loved and admired. Especially by shiny new people. It’s only when you’ve known them a while they show how tarnished they are. And by then you’re often in too deep.
However there are some red flags that give the narcissist away. Even in the early days. These warning signs are subtle, and don’t necessarily mean the person is a narcissist. But if a person displays a few of these behaviours, then keep an eye on them. Because there’s a good chance they could be narcissists.
So here we go, here’s some early warning signs that indicate someone may be a narcissist…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists Think The Worst Of People
We all naturally assume others think like us. And narcissists are no different. So a good red flag indicator is if the narcissist assumes that people are up to no good. Because this offers a clue to their way of thinking.
A person in your company might for example give a lovely bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon to someone. Aww how nice. But the narcissist doesn’t see it this way.
They may later comment that the person was buttering them up. Or trying to make someone jealous. Even when there’s no evidence of foul play. The narcissist is projecting their way of thinking onto that person.
As well as assuming the worst, the narcissist may also be jealous of this nice interaction, because they weren’t involved. And they want to bring it down with their negativity. Narcissists don’t like being upstaged!
So if someone consistently thinks the worst of people with little evidence, then it’s a red flag they might be a narcissist.
Narcissists Treat Service Workers Badly
Another red flag is if they treat service workers badly. Like waiters, shop assistants, or bar staff.
Narcissists consider these people beneath them. And sometimes they forget themselves, and treat them with the contempt they feel they deserve.
They may bark orders at them. Or dismissively wave them away when they’re done with them. The narcissist may even think they’re impressing you by being rude to them.
This shows hierarchical thinking, which is typical of narcissists. And pretty soon it could be you on the receiving end. Because narcissists always aim to be top dog.
Narcissists Body Language Feels Off
Another red flag is if their body language feels off. They might always seem to be in your way. This is because narcissists don’t naturally consider others. And don’t anticipate your movements. They’re too busy thinking of themselves and their needs.
The narcissist may also stand too close to you. This is because they don’t respect other peoples boundaries. This may not be malicious. It’s just that your needs aren’t at the forefront of their minds. And they see others more like objects. So they can easily forget about your personal space.
They may also turn their back on you, rather than include you in a conversation. Again they’re not thinking of you. So you may find yourself having to walk round them and muscle your way in. Either that or stand in the shadows with their back in your face.
Body language gives clues to a persons thinking. If they’re inconsiderate with their body language, then it’s likely they’re inconsiderate with their thoughts. Which is obviously a sign of narcissism.
Laugh Too Much At Your Jokes
Narcissists don’t have a genuine sense of humour. Although many are experts at faking a sense of humour.
One of their tactics is to fake laughing at jokes. So they may pause whilst they decide whether to laugh. Rather than laugh spontaneously.
The narcissist may also over compensate for their lack of humour by laughing too much. And it can come across as unnatural and forced. And sometimes they may laugh at something that’s not really a joke.
Narcissists Don’t Really Listen To You
Most narcissists are talkers rather than listeners. In their minds they’re thoughts and opinions are superior to yours. So why would they listen to you? In the early days they usually make more of an effort. But sometimes they slip up.
You may notice their eyes glaze over whilst you’re talking. And they nod and say “yeh” or “mmm” to feign interest. But offer no real response. They may also say they just need to make a quick phone call when you’re half way through a sentence. Then not ask you to carry on once they’ve finished.
It’s a good idea to test them on whether they’re listening. Ask them what they think about it. If they change the subject, or come out with something generic and wishy washy, then it’s a red flag.
Like EVERYTHING You Like
If a narcissist wants to impress you, they often fake interest in EVERYTHING you’re interested in. It can seem like you’ve met someone who’s almost exactly like yourself. But unless you’ve won the compatibility lottery, this is unlikely.
Narcissists don’t really know who they are. So many resort to mirroring to draw people in. Not only do they copy your hobbies and interests. They may also copy phrases you say. Your dress sense. And even mannerisms.
If the compatibility seems too good to be true, then it probably is. They may or may not be narcissists. But they’re unlikely to be straight shooters. So keep an eye on them!
Soul Mates
Narcissists often draw people in by talking about being soul mates, kindred spirits, special connections etc. And they usually do this ridiculously early in a relationship. They do this for a couple of reasons.
The first is to make them seem perfect for you. Like they’re a once in a life-time find. You’ve hit the jackpot! So you’re more likely to fall head over heels for them. And it removes the competition, because you can only have one soul mate.
Also if they can convince you that you’re “meant to be”, then you’re more likely to put up with their BS in the future. Because after all, you’re soul mates. Who can afford to throw away such an otherworldly connection, even if they are acting like a douche bag?
You Don’t Meet Their Friends Or Family
Narcissists don’t like their different worlds colliding. So they may be reluctant for you to meet their friends or family.
This is because narcissists are social chameleons. And change who they are, depending on who’s around. But they can’t do this whilst you’re all together. A dead giveaway is if the narcissist acts like a cat on a hot tin roof when different people in their lives meet.
The narcissist also likes to embellish the truth, AKA lie! If they tell different things to different people, then their inconsistencies may be discovered if they meet. So if they don’t let you meet their friends or family, then it’s a red flag.
You Find It Hard To Say No
Even in the early stages when they’re not being so forceful, narcissists still have a knack of making it difficult to say no to them. They don’t really care if you’re busy or tired. If they want to hang out, then your wants and needs aren’t important.
Of course they initially pretend you are important. But you probably get a gut feeling that “no” isn’t welcomed.
They may turn up, out the blue as a “surprise”. Then it’s difficult to turn them away. Or ask if you’re busy, and when you say no, invite themselves over.
Once they’re around, it feels almost impossible to get rid of them. Narcissists often over stay their welcome. And you may have to be direct if you want them to go. Narcissists are often oblivious to hints.
Spend A Lot Of Time With Them Early On
Narcissists often want to spend huge amounts of time with someone in the early stages of a relationship. Too much and too soon. They aim to consume your world. So you don’t have time for anyone else.
This causes you to lose contact with other people. And focus all your energy on them. Which is exactly what they want.
It may seem flattering when someone wants to spend all their time with you. But it’s not normal behaviour. And it’s definitely a red flag.
Push To Move The Relationship To Next Level
Another big red flag is if they push the relationship too fast. For instance, talk about being in love in the first few weeks. Or start planning weddings and discussing what names to give your children.
Narcissists do this because they can’t keep the nice act up forever. It’s draining, and it’s not what they want from the relationship. They want dominance. So they aim to snare you quick. So they can relax, and unleash their narcissistic side.
It can be flattering that someone seems so sure about you so soon. But be honest with yourself. How can someone genuinely believe they want to spend their whole life with you after just a few weeks? Yes you ARE fantastic, but not that fantastic!
Tell You Who They Are
As you know, narcissists are all about control. And they even try to control your opinion about them.
Narcissists aren’t satisfied with being themselves, and allowing you to make your own mind up. Instead they try to influence how you see them. They do this by telling you who they are.
They may say things like “I’m the sort of person who…” And of course it’s something good! Like “I’m the sort of person who thinks of others first.” Or another classic is “I’m an empath!” But if they’re such a good person, then they wouldn’t feel the need to tell you.
If they have children, they may bang on about how important their kids are. But if they genuinely care about their kids, then they’d take this for granted. And not feel the need to tell people all the time.
Final Thoughts
As I said earlier, narcissists are good at pretending to be nice, caring, and empathetic in the early days. Making them difficult to spot. But they do give away some clues.
Usually it’s a good idea to trust your gut. Does something feel off about this person? Do they seem fake? Is their a controlling air about them? Do they say things that don’t quite add up?
If something doesn’t feel right, then don’t ignore it. Because more often than not, your gut feelings are there for a reason. Very few people regret listening to their gut.
Trust yourself and your feelings. Because once you’ve let a narcissist into your life, they’re difficult to shake.
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