Narcissists like to get their own way. They’re not interested in what you want. Their goal is to grab as much as they can, whilst giving away as little as possible. So they spend their lives devising strategies to help them get what they want.
Narcissists don’t care what you want. In their mind you’re a vessel to cater for their needs. What you want is irrelevant, unless they need to appease you to get their needs met.
Unsurprisingly, narcissists develop many tactics to extract what they want from people. Ensuring they get their way more often than not. And their gain is usually your loss. Learning how narcissists get their own way helps you prevent losing out so much.
Here’s some of the tactics narcissists use to get their own way…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Pick People With Weak Boundaries
Narcissists choose (or target!) easy going people with weaker boundaries. They know they have a greater chance of getting their way.
Stubborn or disagreeable people are usually left lone by narcissists. Unless they’re high status, and they can benefit by association with them.
Narcissists work out how best to manipulate everyone they know. And learn how to exploit their weaknesses. Once they suss a tactic that works, they rinse and repeat.
Narcissists Befriend Important People
Some narcissists like to be friends with important people, such as their boss. They know they can leverage this “friendship” for their benefit.
The narcissist acts nicer to important people, and they’re prepared to be subservient to get what they want. Once they’re friends, the narcissist feels important by association.
Narcissists find ways to exploit this friendship. Which usually involves special treatment and using their power by association over others.
Intimidate
Some narcissists use intimidation tactics to push people onto the back foot. They know that intimidated people are more likely to do as they’re told. Who says no to someone they’re frightened of?
They might pick on them in front of others. Give them an icy stare. Use subtle put downs. Or act hot and cold, to keep them off balance. Once they have someone intimidated, they know they can easily get their way.
Cry
Female narcissists, and some male narcissists, cry to get what they want. They know that when they turn on the tears, conscientious people scramble to stop this.
Narcissists subtly “offer the solution” as giving them what they want. Encouraging most people to cave in to their demands. Who wants to be “responsible” for making someone cry?
Do Something Nice
Beware of narcissists who do something nice out the blue! There’s usually an ulterior motive.
When a narcissist does something nice, they usually expect something in return. They know you feel more obliged after they’ve done you a favour.
Narcissists Create Illusion Of Favours
Narcissists sometimes create an illusion they’re doing you a favour, then expect something in return. For example they may be bored and want a drinking partner for the evening. So they show up at your house with some wine. Even if you didn’t particularly want any.
The narcissist then waits until you’ve drunk some, before making their request. And then you feel obliged to agree. “I’ve bought the wine, are you getting the takeaway?”
Wait Until You’re Drunk
I’ve seen some narcissists wait until you’re either drunk, or in a good mood, before asking for something. They know you’re more likely to say yes. Narcissists know when’s the best time to ask!
Narcissists Rush You Into A Decision
Narcissists like to rush people into making decisions. Just like sales people. They know you’ll probably say yes, because you’re less likely to find reasons to say no.
The narcissist finds ways to creates urgency, hoping you’ll quickly agree. They may imply it’s an emergency, and they need to know now. Or pressure you into giving an immediate answer. “Why can’t you tell me now?”
They’re not interested in making sure you’re OK with their requests. They want to get their way, regardless of whether this is right for you.
Exaggerate Illness
Many narcissists have “illnesses” that reoccur at convenient times. They may claim their bad back is flaring when they want help with something. Or blame depression for their behaviours.
Narcissists often suffer invisible illnesses which are difficult to prove. Working in the mental health field, I’ve witnessed many get rushed to hospital in an “emergency”, only to find there’s nothing wrong with them.
They do this for sympathy. Narcissists know when they’re “ill”, they’re more likely to get their way. Also an ill person is “special”. And narcissists like to feel special.
Sob Story
Narcissists know a good sob story increases their chances of getting what they want. It’s not easy saying no to someone who’s fallen on hard times.
Conscientious people want to help those in unfortunate positions. And narcissists exploit this “weakness”.
For example they might complain they can’t afford to buy their children Christmas presents. So you lend them money. Then a week later they buy themselves an expensive outfit. Hmm.
Pester
Less sophisticated, or younger narcissists pester to get their way. Repeatedly ask over and over. They hope to wear you down into agreement. And this can work.
Some people may get mad at the pestering, and snap. And of course the narcissist twists this into you being at fault. “I only asked!”
This adds an extra dimension to their manipulation. They hope you feel bad for snapping. Then give in to their demands.
Ask For More Than They Really Want
A clever tactic I’ve seen some narcissists use is to ask for more than they really want. Then “settle” for less.
Say they wanted to borrow £50. They might ask to borrow £200. Then when you say no, they say “OK, £50 will do”. And you feel you’ve got off lightly!
Bad Moods
Some narcissists frequently get into bad moods. But not like the ones most people get into. The narcissist is VERY high profile with their bad moods. Enough so EVERYBODY knows.
They create a tense atmosphere, making everyone uncomfortable.
The narcissist wants everybody tiptoeing around them. Wanting to appease them. Then they can snap their fingers, and get what they want.
Triangulate
Narcissists may triangulate to get their way. They play you off against another person, to get what they want.
For example, they may talk about how helpful their other friend is. Or how generous their ex was. They try to make you jealous, and competitive with that other person. And the competition is usually how well you treat the narcissist. And of course, they reap the rewards.
Create A Culture
Narcissists often create a culture around themselves where they’re different. Normal rules don’t apply to them. So they often get their way. It’s probably a combination of these tactics that persuades others to treat them more favourably.
Most people want a peaceful life. And narcissists know this. So they kick up a storm when they can’t get their way. And find ways to punish those around them. It could be to shout and argue. Embarrass them in front of crowd. Or boss them about. Whatever it is, they do something they know makes them uncomfortable. So they think twice next time.
Over time they create an almost unspoken agreement amongst everybody to let them get their way. No one can be bothered with their drama.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists aren’t interested in fairness. They want as much for themselves as they can. Whilst giving as little as possible. They have impaired empathy, so they don’t feel guilty for taking more than they give.
More sophisticated narcissists understand they have to give a bit to get more. So they can appear more giving than they really are.
Narcissists develop tactics to make it seem they’re being fair and giving. When really they’re taking advantage. If you look closely, the narcissist usually does things for their own benefit. Even when they appear to be generous.
Most people don’t spend their life plotting how to get their own way as much as possible. But narcissists do. Which is why they hold the advantage. They become more skilled at getting their own way. And probably feel superior because of it.
But narcissists often take things too far. And end up pushing good people out of their life. Which means they’re constantly on the look out for replacements. They use up peoples good will, before finally getting rejected. Then they move on to their next victim. And so the cycle continues.
Please CLICK HERE For Why Your Health Often Deteriorates Around A Narcissist
I suppose everyone does a little of the above at some time in their life. The difference is intention, narcissists are focused on getting what they want all the time and will use any strategy to achieve thier goal. There’s never a point when they consider the impact of what they have done on the other person and that is a very difficult concept to process.
Yep. They have impaired empathy, so they struggle to understand how they affect others.
Honestly I never new the the name for what was wrong with my husband, I started picking up on his patterns and wondering why he was the way he was. I also honestly say as far anything as far as yelling, cursing or hitting me he never did. But as far as the attention and making me jealous and doing things that I didn’t understand he was a master at it. I finally realized I had to fight for me and stand up to him I let him know that I was tired if it. The triangulation thing was the worst, he did that a lot. He passed over 4 years ago and I was so confused and always wanted answers and after 4 years these things about narcissism popped up on my phone and know this may sound strange but I think it was his way of giving me those answers and wanting forgiveness.