Most narcissists don’t act narcissistic all the time. Some don’t act narcissistic for weeks or months. Then suddenly change their behaviour.
Others switch between being narcissistic, and “normal” throughout the day, depending on who they’re with, and what they’re doing.
Narcissists switch their narcissistic behaviours on and off. Depending on the circumstances. Which shows they have some control over it.
When do narcissists act more narcissistic? Here’s some situations I’ve noticed when narcissists act more narcissistic…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
When They’re Cheating On You
Narcissists often act more narcissistic when they’re cheating on someone. This definitely happened to me in my marriage.
She began to drink more. Rarely listened to anything I said. Ignored her daughter. Went out with friends after promising a date night. The list goes on. Whilst she was always a tad selfish, she suddenly became much worse.
I put this down to her not being as worried if I left her. Narcissists hate being single, so the possibility of you leaving them reins in their narcissistic behaviours.
Most narcissists understand they can only push someone so far. So they hold back some of their narcissistic ways. But when they have other options, they can afford to push things more.
They’re not as worried about you leaving, because they still have supply. So their behaviour is less kept in check when they’ve got a bit on the side. And their narcissistic behaviours flow more freely.
When They’re Seriously Ill
When narcissists are seriously ill, they can become incredibly narcissistic. I’ve noticed this from narcissists suffering with cancer.
When seriously ill, narcissists know they can get away with more narcissistic behaviour. They know people won’t be as harsh on them. After all, they’re the poor victim. And who’s going to turn their back on a poor victim? So narcissists take full advantage of this, and bring out their inner diva.
They also know people make allowances because they’re ill. “It must be the stress they’re going through.” So they feel more comfortable unleashing their narcissistic ways. Knowing they’re unlikely to be judged as harshly.
When They Have You “Locked In”
Narcissists like to trap people. And create a situation where others are dependant on them. Then they’re less likely to leave them. And once they’ve achieve this, they’re more comfortable displaying their narcissistic behaviours.
Narcissists might persuade you to move in with them. Quit your job. Move to another area with them. Etc. You may think it’s to get closer to you. But it’s really to lock you in.
Once they have you locked in, they unleash their narcissistic behaviours. Knowing you’re less likely to leave them. So there’s less chance of a negative consequence for them.
When Around Their Closest
Narcissists usually allow themselves to act more narcissistic when around their “nearest and dearest”. They don’t feel the need to impress those closest to them.
Narcissists save their best behaviour for those they want to impress. These are usually people they’re not as close to. You may notice them shift their behaviour if a friend or work colleague turns up. They suddenly go into nice mode.
When Around Weaker People
Narcissists often act more narcissistic when around people they consider weaker than themselves. Which is essentially bullying.
It could be someone who’s not as mentally strong. Someone younger. Or someone beneath them at work. If a narcissist thinks they can get away with it, they’re more likely to allow themselves to be narcissistic.
When They’re Not Getting Attention
Narcissists like attention. And lots of it. When they’re low on attention, they try everything they can to get more.
Like a spoilt child, if they can’t gain positive attention, they settle for negative attention. To a narcissist, it’s better than nothing.
They might deliberately cause an argument. Wind you up. Or act out in some other way. Just for your attention.
If you react and argue, you’re playing into their hands. They now have your undivided attention. And they’re happy. Despite the abuse you might hurl their way.
When They’ve Achieved Success
Narcissists are notorious for letting success go to their head. And may be much more narcissistic when they’ve achieved something.
If the narcissist gains power, then they’re likely to be more narcissistic with those beneath them. Even if they were “friends”, and equal with this person in the past. So your narcissistic “friend” at work may turn on you once they gain a promotion. And treat you with contempt.
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
When Drunk And/Or On Drugs
Narcissists often act more narcissistic when under the influence of drink or drugs. It’s true that most people do. But with narcissists there’s a twist.
Narcissists are aware that neurotypical people act more narcissistic when under the influence. So they are more comfortable dropping their nice act. After all, it’s “normal” to act narcissistic when intoxicated. Which is one reason why many narcissists turn to drink or drugs. It gives them an excuse for their narcissistic behaviours.
Narcissists are usually clever enough to realise that most people make allowances for the intoxicated. “It must have been the drink talking.” So they unleash more of their narcissistic side, because they know they’ll get away with it.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists can switch their narcissistic behaviours on and off at the flick of a switch. And they’re more likely to act narcissistic when there’s no undesirable consequences for them.
Narcissists know right from wrong. But they’re so preoccupied with their own needs, they often don’t think of others.
If you have a narcissist in your life, you MUST let them know there are consequences if they act narcissistic towards you. YOU must regulate their behaviour. Because they won’t.
Conflict doesn’t work. This gains them attention. And attention is good for a narcissist.
It’s better to withdraw your attention when they act narcissistic. Calmly remove yourself from them for a while. And if necessary explain to them in a calm and rational way why you’re doing this. They may try and draw you into an argument. Or say they were kidding. Don’t fall for it.
Stick to your guns and remove yourself from them for a while. You MUST follow it through. If done right, it works amazingly well. And can stop most of their narcissistic behaviours.
The narcissist learns they get less of what they need when they act narcissistic with you. So this reigns in their behaviour. And perhaps surprisingly, they seem happier in the long run. And you will be happier too. You BOTH lead a more harmonious life. Win-win!
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I find this article mostly incorrect by the simply statement That they can flick it on and flick it off it makes everything else here irrelevant because a true narcissist cannot flip it on and off people who have narcissist traits or some traits maybe can do that but I think it’s very wrong to say that a narcissist is in control of whether they turn it on turn it off I totally disagree
I disagree Lee. I’ve seen people diagnosed with NPD switch it on and off, depending on the circumstances.
Think about this. A narcissistic can act nice at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Kind, considerate, charming etc. Then once they have their partner emotionally involved, they become more narcissistic. It’s the text book “love bombing” followed by “devaluation” phases. They switched the narcissism off to draw them in. Then back on once that was achieved.
An ambitious narcissist may act nice at work. Be hard working, conscientious, and great to get along with. They go home and treat their family like cr*p. They switched their narcissism off and back on when it suited. If their boss showed up at their home when they were being narcissistic with their family, they would immediately switch characters back to nice.
I’ve seen and heard both these scenarios many times. And they have a great level of control in switching characters.
I disagreeree with you. My x boyfriend retired PD an state fire marshal now.When caught hed turn completely on me or his wife. Never his fault. He did not do confrontation at all. An when he came back it was as if nothing happened. He is very intelligent. Far from stupid. So. He enjoyed the off an on. Then he dosnt have to be responsible
Spot on, works well. I send email explaining and never read the answers- frustrating justifications. Mum has to wait for me to contact her unless it’s emergency. We got understanding she can’t help it not being nice to her closest. Its ok but she has to stop when I have enough. I walk out if she can’t stop. And I do, everyone thinks poor mum and I don’t care. Mum is careful, I’m greatful and she is happy.