Here’s a glossary of narcissist terms that are commonly used. Please SHARE and link to this list, because it contains a wealth of information about narcissism, plus links for further reading. This is a great starting point for people who want to learn about narcissism.
Baiting
Baiting is where narcissists deliberately provoke someone. Then usually act innocent when they react.
A narcissist might bait someone to feed their need for drama. Or to create an argument to use as an excuse to blame the other person. Creating a smokescreen for their own bad behaviours.
Narcissists like gaining an emotional response from their provocations. Because it makes them feel powerful and in control. So if a narcissist tries winding you up, don’t rise to their bait.
Blame Shifting
Blame shifting is where a narcissist blames someone else for things they’ve done wrong. The classic is where they blame their partner for “making” them have an affair. rather than hold their hands up and admit they were wrong.
Another example of blame shifting is where a narcissist drops a cup. Then blames someone else for putting them off.
Narcissists don’t like admitting they’re less than perfect. And they love to put people down to lift themselves up. So blame shifting is an obvious strategy for them to take.
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Brain Fog
Partners of narcissists often experience brain fog. This is where they have trouble concentrating and remembering things. And the world can seem surreal and dream-like.
Brain fog is often caused by tiredness and fatigue. Which happens to be the narcissists specialty!
Narcissists make almost constant demands. And their chaotic lives mean their partners are always picking up the pieces. From keeping the house tidy to managing the bills. Some narcissists even deliberately disturb their partners sleep.
Narcissists dramatic lives also cause their partners anxiety. Putting them in an almost constant state of flight or fight. And when you’re in this frame of mind, you’re not firing on all cylinders.
Narcissists adds to the confusion by gaslighting and playing mind games. And when you combine all these factors, it’s not surprising that their partners experience brain fog.
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Bread Crumbing
Bread crumbing is where the narcissist only gives a small amount of love, affection and care. Which starves their partners of love.
This creates the affect that the smallest gestures seem like a big deal. Because the bar has been set so low. So their love starved partners might be over the moon, just because the narcissist made them a cup of tea.
Bread crumbing can fool a narcissists partner from believing they’re loved and well cared for. Because they heavenly focus on any small act of kindness the narcissist throws their way.
Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance occurs when you experience something that contradicts your core beliefs. Causing you to hold two conflicting views at the same time.
A narcissist may for example tell you how much they love you, and how important you are. Yet stand you up when a friend wants to hang out. Or act cold and indifferent towards you.
This is naturally confusing, because part of you believes that they love you. Yet another part knows they can’t. So many people seek to resolve it by making excuses for the narcissist. And discard their own perceptions.
Narcissists often cause cognitive dissonance to those around them. Because they’re dishonest and manipulative. And they say one thing, yet do the opposite.
With narcissists, and anyone for that matter, it’s more important to watch what they do, rather than listen to what they say. Because actions speak louder than words.
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Covert Narcissist
Covert narcissists are more introverted and quieter than overt narcissists. And usually more difficult to spot, because they work harder to maintain a positive façade to hide their narcissism.
Covert narcissists can go undetected for years. Even by their close friends and family. Because they don’t use bullying tactics to get their own way. Covert narcissists usually play the victim and appeal to peoples good natures to get what they want.
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Delusional Thinking
A delusion is a false belief that’s out of touch with reality. Someone might have paranoid delusions that the government is spying on them for example. Or that they’re a successful businessman, when they’re out of work and live with their Mum.
Narcissists bend reality to fit their own narrative. Because they want to re-affirm their superior false self. So they kid themselves as much as they kid others. Which is why they’re more susceptible to delusional thinking.
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Devaluation
Once a narcissist is settled in a relationship, they often begin the devaluation. This is where they directly and indirectly put their partners down. And make them feel worthless.
They do this to take control of the relationship. And to establish themselves as top dog.
Narcissists may directly devalue someone by name calling and bullying. Or indirectly devalue them with subtle put downs dressed as “jokes”. Or by treating their partners inconsiderately, such as ignoring them or letting them down.
Narcissists usually lock their partners into relationships by marriage, children, and cohabiting. So that once it’s difficult to leave, they’re more likely to get away with devaluation.
Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists Subtly Devalue Others
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Double Bind
A double bind is where the narcissist puts you in a no win position. Where you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
The narcissist may discard a sandwich on the table. If you leave it, they accuse you of not keeping things tidy. But if you throw it away, they were saving it for later.
Double binds are often used to artificially create arguments. And to control their victims by making them walk on egg shells. Because they never know what’s expected of them.
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Echoism
Echoism is almost the complete opposite of narcissism. It’s where someone consistently puts the needs of others above their own. And feels uncomfortable in the spotlight. Or receiving special treatment.
Echoists feel so uncomfortable being given anything, that they’re often attracted to narcissists. And narcissists are often attracted to them.
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Empathy
Empathy is the ability to experience things from someone else’s perspective. Broadly, there’s two different types of empathy – cognitive empathy and emotional empathy.
Cognitive empathy is where someone logically understands what someone must be feeling. They may see tears and understand they’re upset.
Emotional empathy is where they feel what someone’s feeling. So they see tears, and feel like crying with them. Or they see someone fall over and instinctively wince in pain.
Narcissists and even psychopaths have cognitive empathy. They understand their actions affect others. But they have little to no emotional empathy, so they don’t feel it. This is how they can sleep at night, even after hurting someone.
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Façade
A façade is the narcissists false self that they present to the world. Their mask. Narcissists usually pretend to be kind, caring and empathetic.
Whilst we all present a flattering front, narcissists take this to extremes. And display wildly different personas, depending on who they’re with, and what they want to achieve.
Narcissists have a life time of experience pretending to be someone they’re not. And can fool close friends and family for years. Never mind casual acquaintances.
Sophisticated narcissists understand the value of a positive façade. They know it helps build trust, keeps people around them, and helps them to get what they want.
Please CLICK HERE To Learn About Narcissists And Their Façade Management
Flying Monkeys
Flying monkeys are the narcissists enablers and cheerleaders. And are often manipulated by the narcissist to further their agendas.
For example, a narcissist might convince their family that their brother is being mean by not spending time with them. This causes the family members to contact the brother, demanding they spend more time with the narcissist.
What they didn’t know was the brother was avoiding the narcissist because of their toxic behaviours. But the narcissist used their family to pressure the brother to spend time with them.
Flying monkeys may also be used to gather information for the narcissist. And to lie and provide alibis.
Future Faking
Future faking is where the narcissist makes empty promises about the future. This strings people along, and keeps them providing things they want.
A narcissist may promise their affair they’ll leave their wife when their kids grow up. Keeping them hanging on. Or they may promise their partner they’re working on their issues. Making them live in hope they’ll improve.
Narcissists live in the moment. And if they want something now, they’re happy to promise something in the future. Even if they’ve no intention of delivering on that promise.
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Gaslighting
Gaslighting is where the narcissist gets someone questioning their sense of reality. It could be a deliberate ploy, or an indirect result of their selfishness.
In a direct way, narcissists may accuse their partners of having a bad memory, or being crazy. Because they know that if they can convince them of this, they can get away with almost anything. Because they can blame their memory or their craziness.
A narcissist may indirectly gaslight by the lies they tell. They may for example take some cash, then deny it because they don’t want to get caught. Their intention might only to be to get away with their crime. But it can have the knock on affect of creating doubt and confusion for the person affected. Leaving them wondering whether they’re losing their mind.
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Ghosting
Ghosting is where the narcissist suddenly disappears from contact, with no explanation. It usually happens when they fear confrontation and getting their mask removed. Or when they’ve found another supply. So you’re surplus to requirement.
Ghosting may also occur when the narcissist realises they can’t control you any more. So they opt out, rather than admit defeat. And convince themselves that they didn’t want you anyway.
Please CLICK HERE For Why Narcissists Suddenly Ignore You
Golden Child
Narcissist parents sometimes have a golden child, who they treat better than the others. The golden child gets all the praise, attention, and accolades.
Narcissist parents do this to play the children off against each other. And get them competing for their love. They divide and conquer their children, so that they hold all the power.
Grey Rock
If you argue with a narcissist, you’re dragged into their toxic world. But if you say nothing, then you’re a push over. Grey rock is a technique used to disarm narcissists.
Grey rock is best described as how you’d deal with someone difficult at work when you’re being professional. You don’t emotionally engage. You remain calm and to the point. And don’t get drawn into a heated debate.
Most narcissists want an emotional reaction. Because it feeds their need for drama. And makes them feel powerful.
When you don’t give them an emotional reaction, they eventually tire of provoking you. And look for someone else to bug. That’s grey rock.
Guilt Tripping
Guilt tripping is a manipulation tactic where the narcissist tries to make you feel guilty for your actions. They often do this by bringing up something they did for you in the past. Implying you should conform to their requests as pay back. Or by talking about your hurtful behaviour when you were asserting a boundary.
Narcissists usually guilt trip to make people do things they don’t want to do. As it keeps people in a self doubting, anxious, and submissive state. And is most effective against empathetic, conscientious people.
Hoovering
Hoovering is where the narcissist makes contact after some time away. Usually with the intention of re-establishing themselves back in your life. They may phone or message out the blue. Or pretend to “accidentally” blank message you, or dial the wrong number. They may even “coincidently” appear at places they know you’re going to be.
During hoovering, the narcissist may tell you things you want to hear. Such as they’ve changed, or they’re doing well at work. Or they may try to gain your sympathy by claiming they have an illness.
Narcissists hoover when they want something. It could be your attention, your money, or something else. But whatever it is, it’s likely to be their gain, and your loss.
Please CLICK HERE For Narcissists Hoovering Tactics
Idealisation
At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists may idealise their new partners. And see them as so wonderful that they deserve to be with them!
They may shower them with compliments, gifts, and even love and affection. But this doesn’t last forever. Inevitably the narcissist begins to see their flaws, and starts devaluing them.
“Joke”
Narcissists often backtrack when they’re called out for their harsh words or behaviours and claim it was a “joke”. But jokes are supposed to be funny, and not have to sole purpose of hurting someone’s feelings.
Love Bombing
Love bombing usually occurs during the early stages of a friendship or relationship. This is where the narcissist offer excessive praise, is highly romantic, and tells you everything you want to hear.
Love bombing is used to draw people in, because narcissists desperately need people around them. But once they’re drawn in, the love bombing usually stops, and the devaluation begins. Which is the complete opposite of love bombing.
If they sense they’ve pushed you too far, the narcissist may return to love bombing for a while, to keep you sweet. But inevitably they return to devaluation, once they feel safe to do so.
Narcissists often keep their partners in a constant cycle of love bombing and devaluation. Which allows them to treat their partners badly, but still keep them around.
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Magical Thinking
Magical thinking is where someone believes their thoughts or actions affect something that’s too distantly related to have a meaningful impact. They might for example believe they can turn a red light green by thinking of the colour. Or make someone fall in love with them by issuing commands in their mind.
Narcissists believe they’re born special. And can do things no one else can. So they often believe they have magical powers that are unique to them. And their need for control makes them live in hope that they can influence things from afar.
Malignant Narcissist
A malignant narcissist is someone who has traits of both narcissistic personality disorder and anti social personality disorder.
Most narcissists hurt people as a by product of their selfishness. Rather than as a deliberate intention to hurt.
But malignant narcissists are different. They gain sadistic pleasure from seeing people in pain. And set out to deliberately hurt others.
Mask Slipping
Narcissists learn to operate behind a mask. And the person they present to the world is often poles apart from their true inner self.
Narcissists know they must put on a mask and act “normal”. Or no one would entertain them. But they can’t keep this act up indefinitely, and cracks inevitably show.
Narcissists may display flashes of selfish, arrogant and other narcissistic behaviours. And people often assume it’s uncharacteristic of them. But really their mask has momentarily slipped. And their true self has come out to the fore.
Mirroring
Narcissists often mirror or copy character traits, phrases, and even mannerisms from other people. They’re also known to mirror hobbies and interests. And even peoples dress sense.
Narcissists don’t have a stable sense of self, so they mirror others to appear more neuro-typical than they really are.
Narcissists may also mirror if they want to win someone over. Usually by mirroring their thoughts, opinions, and tastes back to them. So they seem an ideal fit.
Narcissists struggle with intimacy. So they may mirror empathetic behaviours to convince someone they make a good partner or friend.
Please CLICK HERE For Why Narcissists Mirror You
Narcissistic Collapse
A narcissistic collapse occurs when the narcissist experiences failure or humiliation. And can no longer uphold their grandiose superior image. Which is a blow to their fragile self esteem.
A narcissistic collapse might be caused by their spouse finishing with them. Or their boss firing them. Because it tells them they’re not as great as they think they are.
Instead of reflecting on what they could have done better, the narcissist lashes out. And can become rageful towards themselves and others. Acting in an angry and hostile way.
Or they might withdraw and become depressed. Feeling the world is against them.
During a narcissistic collapse, the narcissist tries to battle their intense fear and shame. As they desperately try to regain control of their superior self image. Which is why they can be so volatile.
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Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder is a Cluster B personality disorder. It is characterised by a grandiose sense of self importance, requiring excessive levels of admiration, a sense of entitlement, exploitation, lack of empathy, envy, and arrogance.
Narcissistic Rage
Narcissistic rage is where a narcissist flies into a monstrous rage, with little or no obvious provocation. Narcissists require almost constant admiration and special treatment. And when they don’t get it, or they feel disrespected, things can turn ugly.
Please CLICK HERE For What Sparks A Narcissistic Rage
Narcissistic Supply
Narcissistic supply is the lifeblood of narcissists. To prop up their shaky self esteem, narcissists need an almost constant supply of attention, adoration, and other perks. Such as money, power, and status.
Narcissists don’t have a stable sense of self. So they need external validation to reaffirm they’re as great as they think they are. Which is why they’re often so needy.
Narcissists don’t look for friends or lovers. They look for providers of narcissistic supply. And when supplies run low, they’re desperate for validation.
Please CLICK HERE For How To Repel Narcissists By Starving Their Narcissistic Supply
No Contact
No contact is usually the best policy when a relationship ends with a narcissist. Unless you share children with them.
No contact is more than just not speaking to them. You must block their phone number, and their various social media channels. And in some cases move house to where they can’t find you.
No contact also includes not checking their social media. Because narcissists play mind games, and may anticipate you looking at their posts. And write things that provoke a reaction from you.
Please CLICK HERE To Learn More About How To Go No Contact With A Narcissist
Normalising
During the early stages of a relationship, narcissists gradually unveil their narcissistic behaviours. Until eventually you’re immersed in them. And after a while they become normalised, because you get so used to them.
Overt Narcissist
An overt narcissist is what some people consider a classic narcissist. They’re brash, loud, and love to be the centre of attention.
Overt narcissists love to show off their wealth and success. And may get themselves into serious debt to maintain this illusion.
Parentification
Parentification occurs in some narcissist-child relationships. This is where a narcissist parent looks to their child to take on adult responsibilities.
The narcissist parent may expect them to fend for themselves. Look after their siblings. And even look after them.
The narcissist parent might confide in their child. Expecting them to listen to problems that are inappropriate to discuss with your offspring.
Whilst some responsibility is good for children, too much is a burden. And can lead to stress and anxiety. And even developmental issues, if they’re unable to do normal childlike activities.
Please CLICK HERE For The Signs That Your Parent Is A Narcissist
Projection
Projection is where the narcissist projects their faults and bad behaviours onto others. They largely do this because they don’t like admitting their imperfections.
A narcissist may accuse their partner of having an affair. When they’re the ones playing away.
If they’re messy, then they may blame their partner for the state of the house.
Some narcissists project their narcissism, and accuse their partners of being narcissists. And this often works great as a smokescreen to hide their own issues.
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Red Flags
Red flags are the behavioural warning signs that someone might be a narcissist. Once you learn the red flags, you’re better able to identify, deal with, and avoid narcissists.
Please CLICK HERE For The Red Flags Someone’s A Narcissist
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Reactive Abuse
Reactive abuse is where the victim snaps back at their abuser. Often after sustained provocation. And the abuser then accuses their victim of being the abuser. Pointing out their behaviour in isolation. Ignoring their own provocations.
In a nutshell, they provoke the victim, then blame them for their reaction.
Narcissists do this to justify their abuse. Because in their mind it proves that their victim deserved it. And also it makes their victim feel at least partly responsible. So they’re less likely to walk away, and more likely to stick around to take some more. Which is what the narcissist wants.
Scape Goat
Scape goats are people that narcissists designate to take the blame for everything that goes wrong. This allows them to maintain their delusions of superiority. Because anything the narcissist does wrong is blamed on their scapegoat.
A narcissist parent often singles out one child as their scapegoat. Blaming them for everything that goes wrong in the home. And they often play them off against the other “golden child”.
In the workplace, a narcissist manager may single out one worker who takes the blame for everything that goes wrong.
Smear Campaign
A smear campaign is where the narcissist tries to discredit someone by spreading rumours and lies. Or by exaggerating the truth.
Narcissist often smear their ex partners, because they want to discredit them, before they reveal what they’re like behind closed doors. Narcissists know that if they can damage their exes reputation, then people are less likely to believe them.
Some narcissists even start their smear campaign before the relationship end. And discredit their current partner. Because they want to get a head start.
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Splitting
Narcissists struggle holding two opposing views at the same time. Which leads to “black and white” or “all or nothing” thinking. This is also referred to as Splitting, because it rejects the integrated view that people are a sum of many parts, good and bad.
If a narcissist is pleased with you, then they might see you as “all good”. And think you’re the most wonderful person on Earth. Then 5 minutes later they hate you, because you forgot how many sugars they have in a cup of tea.
Narcissists struggle to appreciate that people have good and bad qualities. So they split them into one extreme camp or the other.
Supply
Supply or narcissistic supply is what narcissists seek. And is the driver of many of their behaviours.
Narcissistic supply is attention, adoration, and in some cases power and money. Narcissists need to feel special and look special to feel alive. And can become severely depressed without it. This is why many narcissists develop numerous attention seeking behaviours.
Toxic Amnesia
Toxic amnesia may also be thought of as selective memory. It’s where the narcissist conveniently pretends to forget something. And it’s a form of gaslighting, because it gets you doubting your own memory.
During toxic amnesia, a narcissist may “forget” their past abuses and harmful behaviours. And forget things from the past that contradict things in the present.
Sometimes a narcissist may pretend to forget something, just to create doubt and confusion in your mind. Because they want to push you on the back foot.
Narcissists may even “forget” kind deeds you’ve done for them. Or money or other things you’ve lent them. Because they don’t want to be beholden. But interestingly, narcissists NEVER forget things they’ve done for you!
Trauma Bond
A trauma bond is similar to Stockholm Syndrome, where the hostages sympathised with their captors.
In the case of narcissists, it’s where an abused partner becomes addicted to the highs and lows of a toxic relationship. Because of all the hormones it produces. And feels bonded to them, despite the bad treatment.
Triangulation
Triangulation is where narcissists play two or more people off against each other. The narcissist usually has open communication lines with both parties. Whereas they don’t have much contact with each other.
This gives the narcissist the upper hand, because they can play them off against each other. And control the narrative between them.
They may claim that one is bad mouthing the other, if they want to divide and conquer. Or claim they’re engaging in behaviours they know the other won’t approve of.
A narcissist may also say they’re being mistreated by the other, if they want to gain sympathy. Or flip this over and claim they’re treating them super well, if they want to encourage competition for their affections.
A narcissist might triangulate their partner with their affair. Triangulate their friends. Or in the workplace they might triangulate between those higher ranking, and those beneath them.
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Weaponized Incompetence
Weaponized incompetence occurs when the narcissist pretends they can’t do something, or exaggerates their inability. Which forces someone else to take the burden.
The classic example is when the narcissist loudly bangs the crockery when washing up. Making their partner take over because they worry about damage. Or deliberately mixing white and red clothes when doing the laundry. So they’re never asked again.
If the narcissist is really clever, they may offer to do this chore. And when you decline, hold it against you. And use your alleged ” impossibly high standards” as an excuse not to do anything else in the future.
Weaponized incompetence also happens in the workplace. Someone might pretend they don’t understand how to perform certain duties. Or feign illness or disabilities. Forcing their colleagues to take the reigns.
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Word Salad
Word salad is the nonsense that narcissists spout, especially when challenged over their lies or their behaviour. Word salad doesn’t have to make sense. Because it’s designed to confuse, distract, and frustrate. Rather than face the issues you raise.
You may feel you’ve won when you call them out for talking nonsense. But they’ve usually distracted you from a truth you were seeking. So they’re secretly happy you’re focussing on their nonsense. Because you’ve forgotten the issue that you raised at the beginning.
Please CLICK HERE To Learn About Narcissists Random Accusations