When most people think of narcissists, they think of someone who’s loud, self-promoting, and domineering. But not all narcissists are like this. Some are quiet, withdrawn, and even self-effacing on the surface.
These narcissists are often referred to as covert narcissists, or vulnerable narcissists. They’re still manipulative, ego centric and constantly on the look out for narcissistic supply. But they express their narcissistic traits in more subtle, indirect, and emotionally complex ways.
Covert narcissists can be more difficult to spot. Because they hide behind shyness, sensitivity, or insecurity. Which can draw people in, and fool them for years. This is why some people consider covert narcissists more dangerous than overt narcissists.
To help you spot covert narcissists, here’s some common covert narcissist traits to look out for…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
A Quiet Sense Of Superiority
Covert narcissists may not openly brag, but they often believe they’re exceptionally insightful, virtuous, or misunderstood. So instead of bragging, they may complain that their greatness is being held back, or not recognised.
So a covert narcissist co-worker may complain if they don’t get a promotion, even if someone more deserved got it. “People don’t appreciate what I do. I think the manager has it in for me.”
Yet they don’t put in extra effort, or demonstrate exceptional results. They believe they’re above everyone for no justifiable reason.
Hypersensitive To Criticism
Criticism, no matter how mild, may devastate covert narcissists. Instead of responding with anger, they may shut down, sulk, or hold grudges.
So you may gently point out a minor mistake they made. But instead of taking this as feedback, they respond with, “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you”, then avoid you for the rest of the day.
Covert Narcissist Victim Mentality
Covert narcissists like to play the victim. They often cast themselves as the wronged party. Especially when they want to avoid accountability or gain sympathy. Their stories often highlight how others have mistreated or misunderstood them. Even when they themselves have done something wrong.
So after hurting your feelings, a covert narcissist might say, “I’m always the bad guy, no matter what. People always blame me.” Instead of apologizing, they shift attention to their suffering.
Covert narcissists also use victimhood to get away with narcissistic behaviours. Or to gain advantages, by gaining sympathy.
So they may fake or exaggerate illness to get peoples help and support. Which is often their way of manipulating people to do what they want, without having to be forceful.
Self Serving Kindness
Covert narcissists may offer to help, or even do voluntary charity work. But they expect praise and favours in return. Which has its similarities to communal narcissists.
If they do charity work, then they may subtly show it off to gain recognition, “I was on my way to the homeless shelter earlier, and guess who I bumped in to?” Also, expect details of their good deeds plastered all over social media!
Covert narcissists often create the impression they’re good people. They may publicly support “good causes”. But contradict them in their day to day lives.
So they may support causes against animal cruelty. Yet neglect their own pets. So it’s always worth focussing on what they do, rather than just listen to what they say.
Passive-Aggressive Covert Narcissists
Rather than express frustration directly, covert narcissists communicate it through subtle digs, sarcasm, silent treatment, and even sabotage.
So you may complain about how they spoke to you. Then a few days later, they invite all their friends out, except you. Claiming they thought you were busy.
Self Depreciating Behaviour
Unlike overt narcissists, coverts can be self depreciating – at least on the surface.
Covert narcissists often use self depreciation to fish for compliments. So they may claim they’re rubbish at something they know they’re good at. Then wait for the compliments to come flying in.
Emotional Withdrawal
Covert narcissists may be cold and distant when their ego is threatened, using silence as a form of control. Rather than complain directly, or talk things through.
So if you don’t react enthusiastically to their story, they may go quiet for hours, even days, acting like nothing is wrong. But they’re clearly withholding warmth and engagement.
Envy And Quiet Resentment
Covert narcissists can appear supportive on the surface, whilst secretly feeling threatened or jealous. So it’s usually not their words to consider, but their demeanour.
So you may tell them that you got an email from your boss praising your work. They may mumble something like, “That’s nice”. But go quiet for the rest of the day, seething that you got the glory.
Please CLICK HERE For Malignant Narcissist Traits
A Strong Need For Recognition Without Asking For It
Covert narcissists crave admiration, but don’t openly ask for it. So when praise doesn’t arrive, they feel overlooked or resentful.
So if a promotion comes up at work they may expect to be given it. Rather than actually apply for it. Just because they believe they’re so great.
When this doesn’t happen, they’re resentful. But they don’t admit this. Instead they kick up a fuss about unrelated issues, to let off steam. Often directed at the person who “took their job”.
Covert Narcissist Social Avoidance
Some covert narcissists withdraw socially. Especially if they fear criticism. Or fear they might not be admired. Or feel they don’t measure up to others.
So they may stop going to a fitness class if they feel that others are “better” than them. But of course they won’t admit this. Instead they’re more likely to complain about a bad instructor or jealous class members.
Anxiety And Depression
Because of their more vulnerable mindsets, covert narcissists are more likely to suffer with anxiety and depression than overt narcissists. Which is often embellished to help them play the victim.
Final Thoughts
Covert narcissists want the same things overt narcissists want. They lack empathy, they’re manipulative, and only look out for themselves. But they have a quieter, more subtle approach.
It’s important to note that covert and overt narcissists don’t 100% fit neatly into these boxes. There are times when overt narcissists display covert narcissist characteristics, and vice versa.
If you want to learn more about other different types of narcissists, please click the following link…
Please CLICK HERE For A Run Down Of All The Other Different Types Of Narcissists
