Here’s ten common myths about narcissism…

Narcissists Can’t Help Their Bad Behaviours

Some people give narcissists a free pass, believing they can’t help how they behave. But this isn’t true.

If you throw a narcissist into a hostage situation, do you think they’ll direct their narcissism at their captors? No way! They’d be sweetness and light if their life was on the line.

Narcissists can be wonderfully kind and considerate – when they want something. They can love bomb a new flame for months. Suck up to their boss for years. And treat people in power exceptionally well, if they think they might throw them a bone.

This shows that narcissists CAN control their narcissism. They just choose not to make the effort with certain people. Usually people they’re close to. And people they perceive as weaker than themselves.

Giving narcissists a free pass gives them license to repeatedly abuse people. Because narcissists are happy to avoid responsibility for their actions. And if they can get away with something, then they will.

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Narcissists Never Have Relationships With Other Narcissists

Since narcissists are a minority, then yes, it’s relatively rare for two narcissists to be in a relationship. But it certainly happens.

Narcissists often fall for each other because they love bomb the hell out of each other. And since they both love compliments, they’re both hooked. It’s only once the honeymoon period is over that the cracks begin to show.

However some narcissist relationships survive this, if they both want something the other has. The classic is when one narcissist is older and wealthy. And the other is younger and broke.

Narcissists are transactional in their relationships. And if they both stand to gain, then it may continue. Even if it’s volatile and full of drama.

All Narcissists Are Sex Maniacs

Although some narcissists are sex maniacs, this isn’t always the case. Some narcissists don’t care for sex. At least not in itself.

Narcissists fear intimacy, because it leaves them vulnerable. And they don’t want to fall for someone, because this hands power away. So instead they weaponise sex.

Narcissists may use sex to lure people into falling for them. And as a tool for control. But the sex itself isn’t always important. It’s more what they can gain from it.

That’s why it’s quite common for narcissists to avoid sex with their partners. Because in their mind there’s no need, as they’ve already been conquered.

Narcissists Are All Loud Show-Offs

Whilst some narcissists are loud show offs, this isn’t always the case. And it’s important to remember this.

Some narcissists are introverted. And they actively avoid the spotlight. They’re usually referred to as covert narcissists. Or sometimes “vulnerable narcissists”.

Covert narcissists are more difficult to spot. They’re quieter, and may present as being vulnerable. But that doesn’t mean they’re not selfish and manipulative. And harmful to your life.

Covert narcissists often play the victim to get what they want. Rather than use bullying tactics. And they’re more subtle with their manipulations.

In many ways covert narcissists are more dangerous than overt narcissists. Because they blend in, and can remain undetected for years. Allowing them to stay in peoples lives for longer. Whilst quietly making their life a living hell.

Covert narcissists often assemble teams of helpers who feel sorry for them. And may play people against each other. Making it seem like everyone else is the problem, and not them.

All Narcissists Are Vain

Many narcissists are vain. And love nothing more than gazing longingly at their own reflection. But not all narcissists are vain.

Some narcissists obsess with intelligence. And may spend their time trying to prove they’re cleverer than everyone else. Rather than focussing on their looks.

They may engage in intellectual one-upmanship. And put down peoples abilities and ideas. Because to these narcissists, intellectual superiority is their ultimate goal.

All Narcissists Want To Hurt People

Whilst some narcissists are deliberately malicious, not all are. Some narcissists cause pain because they’re intensely focused on themselves. And don’t appreciate other peoples needs.

This selfishness can give the impression that they’re deliberately hurting others. And it can be the knock on effect. But it’s not always their intention.

They’re sometimes too self absorbed to notice when someone else needs help. Or when their actions negatively affect others. Because their eyes are firmly fixed on the prizes they want.

All Narcissists Cheat

Narcissists lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, and impulsivity, increases the chances of them cheating. But not all narcissists cheat. At least not technically.

Narcissists get a kick out of being admired. And for some, this is more important than sex. So whilst they may not technically cheat, they may flirt and lead people on, to get their fix.

Opinions are divided as to whether this constitutes cheating. And maybe you could call this emotional cheating. Because it’s not going to be welcomed by most people.

Some narcissists value their reputation so much, they won’t risk it for an affair. Because they’d be mortified if they were caught, and people found out.

Similarly, other narcissists may not cheat because they’ve too much to lose. For example if they have a wealthy spouse. Or if they pride themselves on living an idyllic family life.

Narcissists Are Master Manipulators

Whilst there’s no doubting that some narcissists are master manipulators, this isn’t always the case. Some narcissists are woeful at best.

Narcissists often over estimate their own intelligence. And under estimate everyone else’s. And this can cause to them be lazy with their manipulations. And not think them through.

Some narcissists are lower in intelligence. And this can make their manipulations seem child-like in their lack of sophistication. And you may wonder whether they think you were born yesterday.

People Who Do Good Deeds Can’t Be Narcissists

This is an important one to note. MANY people who do good deeds are narcissists. So never presume that someone who does good deeds is trustworthy.

Narcissists want to be admired more than most people. And some engage in charity work and other good deeds to get their fix.

Of course the narcissist doesn’t do these good deeds for their own sake. They want kudos and attention. So they usually advertise that they’ve helped someone. But to be fair, this isn’t the worst thing in the world.

So be careful to assume that someone who does good deeds must be an empathetic neuro-typical. Because these same do gooders may be completely different behind closed doors. And even though they do charity work, they may still use and abuse you.

A Narcissist Will Improve Over Time

Many people who don’t understand narcissism believe that narcissists improve as they age. And this belief keeps them around for years, patiently waiting for the day they finally grow up. But this rarely happens.

Some narcissists learn to hide their narcissism better. But they rarely change their unhealthy ways of thinking. And no matter how well they present, their narcissism is still lurking beneath the surface.

Neuro-typicals usually mellow with age. Because they learn and grow. But narcissists often become more bitter and resentful. Because the people around them wise up, and avoid them. And they struggle to gain their crucially important narcissistic supply.

If a narcissist lacked confidence in their youth, then they may gain confidence as they age. And this can cause them to be less concerned about what others think. So you may see more of their narcissistic behaviours as they age. Especially in the last few years of their life.

People often think they’re getting old and cranky. But really they’re showing more of their true colours.

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Common Mistakes People Make With Narcissists