Recently whilst out for a stroll in nature, a random thought popped into my head. The thought was that narcissists see their partners like a car. And the more I mused this idea, the more it made sense.
Narcissists don’t view their nearest and dearest as people in their own right. They see them more as a commodity. A possession. Something to be used.
This isn’t necessarily evil in intention. Just like a car owner isn’t evil for wanting to use their car. It’s just that their lack of empathy stops them from stepping into your shoes. And realising that you’re also a person with wants, needs, and desires.
Narcissists naturally feel superior. So even if they could step into your shoes, they wouldn’t really care anyway.
So rather than treat you like a person, they treat you more like an object. And the way people treat their car is a great illustration of this.
Please don’t take this article too seriously. It’s a bit of fun. But I do think it helps show the thought processes of a narcissist. And why they treat their loved ones the way they do.
So… here’s how narcissists treat their nearest and dearest like a car…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Initial Outlay
When you buy a new car, you accept there’s an initial outlay. An asking price. In terms of relationships, narcissists view the initial outlay as how much they need to woo you. How nice they need to be to you, and for how long. And what they stand to gain in return.
Narcissists are very transactional in their relationships. And whilst they may seem giving at times, there’s always an ulterior motive.
When buying a vehicle, the better it is, the more they’re willing to pay. And the same goes for their partners.
If you’re 25 years younger, and much better looking, then they’d probably crawl on broken glass to woo you. And keep this up for months, even years. In fact narcissists can be taken advantage of by younger, more dashing models.
If you’re vintage, don’t have much money, and your paintwork is fading, then they don’t expect to pay much. But they might be happy to entertain you for a while. After all, a cheap run around is better than nothing! And if you don’t cause them too much fuss, they might be happy to keep you around for a while. Just as long as you keep serving their needs.
Status And Showing Off
Just like a car owner gains status from their car, narcissists gain status from their partners. And they aspire to have a top notch model one day.
This means there’s no real loyalty. Because if they ever get the chance to snag a “better” model, then most narcissists jump at the chance. Regardless of what you’ve done for them, and all you’ve been through together.
If a narcissist is happy with their current model, then they might show you off. And parade you around for all to see. You probably feel flattered they’re showing you off. But it’s only to make themselves look good.
They want people to think how great THEY are, not you. If they’re with someone young and attractive, then they look young and attractive by association. At least that’s what they think. And as flattering as being showed off may feel, this can come back to bite you. I’ll talk more about this later.
Protective
Like any good car owner, narcissists protect their investment. If possible they lock you away, so no one can steal you. And they may get insanely angry at the tiniest whiff that someone wants to take you for a joy ride.
A narcissist may also leap to your defence if someone insults you. How sweet. It must be love, right?
You may interpret their protective nature as love. But it isn’t.
A car owner may “love” their car. But only because it’s useful, reliable, and makes them look good. And life with a car is much better and easier than without. So a narcissist may fight to keep you, because life is better with you than without. And buying a new car is hassle, much like finding a new partner.
Narcissists defend you from insults, like a car owner defends insults to their car. It’s not really the car they care about. It’s themselves.
An insult to a car is an insult to the owner. It’s saying they lack money, talents, or ambition, if that’s the best they can get. And this is how a narcissist takes an insult to you. It may seem that they’re protecting you. But really they’re defending themselves. Because in their mind, you’re a representation of them.
Park You Up And Leave You Standing
Have you ever been to a party or a social gathering with a narcissist? If you have, then it’s likely you’ve been left standing, like a parked car.
The more overt narcissists get excited in gatherings of people. All those new faces to impress. And show how great they are. Plus all those casual acquaintances who believe they’re such a swell guy or gal. But unfortunately, they get so excited that they forget about you.
They don’t care whether you know anyone. Or if you’re having a lousy time. This is their time to shine. And they leave you standing whilst they enthusiastically mingle with the crowd.
They Like A Reliable Model
Car enthusiasts often seek reliable runners. And narcissists are no different.
Just like their trusty car waiting patiently outside, the narcissist expects you to be there whenever they need you.
The narcissist doesn’t care about your life. Things you want to do. Or even if you need sleep. If they need you, then they expect you to be there.
It doesn’t matter that the narcissist isn’t reliable towards you. That’s not how it works in their world. That would be plain daft. Who’s reliable towards their car?!
Few Previous Owners
Most narcissists prefer their partners to have few previous owners. By that I mean inexperienced in relationships. This serves a couple of benefits.
First, an inexperienced person is more likely to fall for them. They’re not battle hardened and cynical. Inexperienced people still romanticise about finding “the one”. So they can exploit this for their own ends.
And second, you’re less likely to see through their games. If you’re experiencing their games for the first time, then you don’t have past lessons to draw from. And you’re more likely to fall for them.
Maintenance
Narcissists understand that relationships need some maintenance. No one WANTS to maintain their car, but needs must. So they reluctantly treat you well every now and then. Particularly if they’ve pushed you too far and you’re threatening to leave.
If a narcissist senses they’ve pushed you too hard, then they make a U-turn. And work at maintaining their relationship for a while. They actually treat you well! But this is only a temporary fix. Once you’re back up and running, they return to their normal behaviours.
Trading You In
Like any car owner, narcissists recognise when it’s time to replace their pride and joy. It might be getting a bit old. They might have spotted something new and more exciting. Or they might have improved their status, so naturally feel deserving of an upgrade.
Narcissists have no qualms trading you in once you’ve served your purpose. Regardless of the years of faithful service you’ve given them.
And to add insult to injury, they usually parade their new model around. Showing them off. With no thought of how this makes you feel. You might have been the one happily paraded around in the past. Now it’s someone else’s turn.
Narcissists want to look good with their new accessory. And there’s no point looking good if no one’s around to see them. So they show them off to as many people as they can. Even if they’ve only just broken up with you.
No Remorse
Once replaced, most people are struck by the narcissists lack of remorse. How can they so ruthlessly throw you on the scrap heap?
Narcissists have little empathy, so they don’t feel what you’re going through. And will cut you out of their life if you’re no longer of use to them. Just like a car owner quickly forgets their previous pride and joy, once a replacement is found.
What once seemed like love, quickly dissolves into nothing. And this leaves their partners distraught, wondering how things changed so suddenly. But the truth is they never really loved you. They loved what you did for them. Now they don’t need you, there’s no love.
The narcissists only concern is if something goes wrong with their new motor. So they might string you along for a while, as insurance. Just in case the wheels fall off their new relationship.
They won’t feel a shred of guilt using and abusing you this way. Because in their mind this isn’t using and abusing. Who feels guilty for keeping their old car locked up in the garage, whilst they make sure their new one’s OK ?
Final Thoughts
Narcissists lack of empathy stops them from truly connecting. Which leads them to objectify their partners. They don’t relate to you emotionally any more than they do their car. To a narcissist, you’re a something, and not a someone.
Narcissists don’t usually wish you harm, any more than a car owner doesn’t wish harm to their pride and joy. But they quickly lose patience if they push your buttons and you fail to respond. Like a frustrated motorist banging on their steering wheel.
Narcissists look for what they can wring out of you. Whether it’s errands, status, or convenience. They feel entitled, because they’re superior, and your petty concerns are insignificant. And when a shiny new model presents itself, they won’t look back in their rear view mirrors.
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I actually used to say to my ex that he treated me like a car, so I totally agree with all of the above.
Except that it’s ‘Change tack’ – a sailing term.
When referring to a change in direction, position, or course of action, the correct phrase is to change tack. This is in reference to the nautical use of tack which refers to the direction of a boat with respect to sail position. This phrase has long been confused as “change tact” but this is technically incorrect.
Ah OK, thanks for that Rachel. Makes sense! There’s probably a few things like that I get wrong because of hearing loss!
I used to liken my relationships with narcissists as feeling treated like an appliance. Your car analogy is perfect.
Thanks Maureen!
It’s interesting that you chose to describe a narcissist’s primary source of supply as being like a car. If you own a house and land, even if the house may depreciate in value especially if it’s neglected, the block of land will appreciate in value. But a car is something that will depreciate over time. And the narcissist, as I’ve learned, is always getting bored with their current supply and looking for a brand new shiny source of supply. Even if their current partner is still the same person, the narc sees them as having less or even no value any more.
I don’t believe a narcissist would turn and look at their long-term partner and see them as as smoking hot as they were on the day they met. I almost pity a narcissist to miss out of feeling like that. Almost.
I think you’re right Trisha. In the eyes of a narcissist, their partner depreciates in value over time.
The irony is that, once someone has survived a relationship with a narcissist, they’ve gained a lot of knowledge and wisdom. But if they’d stayed with their narc for years, they could be forgiven if they thought, “at what cost?”.