It could be days, weeks, even years later. And a message pops up from your narcissist ex.
They seem different this time. Like they’ve finally sorted themselves out.
They talk about their new career. Their sobriety. How they’ve changed.
They suggest meeting up. And stress it’s only as friends. And you’re naturally intrigued. Have they changed? Do they want to rekindle the relationship? What do they want?
You’ve been single for a while, and feeling lonesome. So a meetup couldn’t hurt, right? And surely it’s safer than meeting a stranger for a date. Better the devil you know, and all that.
CUE SCRATCHED RECORD SOUND!
No! No! No! Don’t do it!
Getting back with a narcissist rarely works out well. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it NEVER works out well. And if you’ve ever heard an example where it did, then it’s the exception to the rule. (But I bet you haven’t!)
NEVER get back with a narcissist. Not for the sake of your children. Not because you’re lonely. And not because they’ve changed. Because they haven’t!
In this article I’ll discuss why you should never get back with a narcissist. So if you’re ever tempted, please return to this article to remind you. And if someone you know is thinking of it, send them here!
OK, here we go. Here’s why you should never get back with a narcissist…
Please Check Out The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
The Narcissist Hasn’t Changed!
The first obvious reason is that they haven’t changed. It’s so rare, that you’re more likely to find a unicorn… with Elvis riding on top.
Narcissists are good at making it seem like they’ve changed. And may provide a convincing story of how they’ve grown and matured. And may even show evidence of a more stable life. But even if that’s true, they still haven’t changed.
Yes the narcissist is polite and courteous now. But weren’t they when they first met you?
Narcissists are great at making temporary changes, to get what they want. So they may display an exemplary character if it serves their purpose.
Once they return with their feet under the table, they revert back to type. It’s what they do. Regardless of the promises they make. In fact, don’t they have a history of lies, deceit, and breaking promises?
Gradually over time the sarcastic comments return. They strategically ignore your texts and calls. And become more bossy and demanding. Until before you know it, you’re back to square one.
Remind yourself of what your relationship was like before. And don’t forget to remove your rose tinted glasses! Remember how cold and distant they were. The arguments. The infidelities. Is this really what you want? Because this is what you’ll get.
The Narcissist Might Want Revenge
If you ended the relationship last time, then it’s highly likely that they want revenge. Narcissists are extremely thin skinned. And take everything personally.
In the narcissists head, you ending the relationship is saying you’re better than them. And they can’t have that. It doesn’t matter if their behaviours caused the split. You left them, and you think you’re better than them. And this has been eating away at them ever since.
It’s common for narcissists to get back with an ex, just to punish them. They act all sweetness and light to draw you in. Then end the relationship in devastating fashion. Just to claim the “win”. And how will that make you feel?
If They Ended The Relationship
If the narcissist ended the relationship, then do you think it was so they could watch TV alone? No, it’s likely they replaced you with someone else. Harsh I know, but it’s the truth.
Narcissists need narcissistic supply like most of us need oxygen. So they hate being single, because relationships are where they gain most of their supply.
If they’ve suddenly crawled out the woodwork, then it can only be for one of two reasons. Either they’ve been dumped by your replacement. (Or a replacement of a replacement!) Or they’re bored, and want some extra curricular fun.
If they’ve been dumped and you take them back, then who’s to say they won’t replace you again? In fact, they probably will. Because the narcissist now sees you as a useful stopgap for when a relationship turns sour. In the narcissists mind, you’ve taken them back once, so you’ll take them back again.
If they haven’t been dumped, then they’re probably still in a relationship. Even if they say they’re not. And being their bit on the side isn’t a good place to be.
They WILL Treat You Worse This Time
Regardless of the circumstances, if you take them back, it’s almost certain the narcissist will treat you worse than last time. Because in the eyes of a narcissist, taking them back is a sign of weakness.
If you take them back this time, then why wouldn’t you take them back again? That’s how the narcissist thinks. And no matter how much you stress this is last chance saloon, they won’t believe you.
Taking a narcissist back gives them a license to treat you worse. Because they’ve proven to themselves that you’ll waiver. So they’re even more confident than before. Which means they’ll treat you worse than before. Because they know that if you end things, all the have to do is wait a while, then sweet talk you back.
Final Thoughts
Like I said earlier, no good comes from taking a narcissist back. Yes it might fill a hole for a while. And they might treat you well at first. But this never lasts.
In time, their previous narcissistic behaviours will resurface. And usually with interest. Meaning you’ll be worse off than before.
So enjoy your narcissist free life. Use it to discover who you really are. Enjoy your hobbies and interests. And find some more.
Without a narcissist in your life, you’re more likely to find someone special. Someone who actually cares about you. And someone who encourages you to thrive. So go and live your best life, without them.
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Great post Jon. The leopard has no intention of changing his spots. He just covers them up with makeup for a week or so! Then it’s wash ,rinse,repeat ! What a yawn. Cheers Dee
Thanks Dee! Yes, it’s extremely rare they make the permanent changes.
Perhaps the narcissist has changed…but maybe not.
One of my favorite quotes, by Bernard Baruch, is – “We grow no better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves”.
I take that to be that the narcissist will grow worse. I’ve come across articles that state that narcissists get more entitled and demanding when they get old. You might have already written one.
I like that quote Trisha! Yes, narcissists tend to get worse with age. Because they don’t care about their mask as much. And they play on their age to get away with things!