Many narcissists have multiple children from multiple relationships. And if not, they usually have at least a child or two. And it’s often their idea to have children, which is surprising given their selfish nature.

Their partners may be fooled into believing they’re caring people deep down. And want to settle down with children. And maybe need a child to help them change for the better. But sadly this isn’t the case.

As we all know, narcissists are not the nurturing type. And they’re only focussed on themselves. So why are so many narcissists keen to have children? Do they care, or is there something else in it for them?

You’ve probably guessed that there IS something in it for them. In fact there’s several things narcissists gain from having children. Here’s the reasons why narcissists want children…

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Attention

Having children is big news. And it attracts a lot of attention. There’s a 9 month build up, followed by the BIG day. And people inundate them with congratulations, gifts, cards, and well wishes.

Narcissists need attention far more than most people. And will use almost anything to get it. Even children. And what better way is there to get everyone’s attention?

Narcissists are impulsive, and don’t think through consequences. So they’re often blind as to how big a commitment children are. Preferring to focus on the adulation instead.

Narcissists know that word travels fast. And if they have an ex they want to get at, they might have children just to hurt them. Especially if they know that they wanted children themselves. That’s how petty they can be.

To Keep Their Partner

Narcissists hate being single. And certainly don’t welcome someone dumping them – that’s their job. So they use children as insurance.

Narcissists know that it’s more difficult to leave them if they share children. Because their partners, who are usually empathic, think of their children’s needs before their own. And although they may be unhappy in their relationship, they stay to keep the family together.

With children in the equation, it’s a whole different ball game. Because a split affects them more than the couple. And many people don’t want to be responsible for tearing a child’s family apart. So they’re more likely to stay with the narcissist. Even if they’re unhappy.

Allows Them To Treat Partner Worse

Increasing the pressure to stay in the relationship allows the narcissist to treat their partners worse – and get away with it.

Narcissists learn how far they can push their partners, without quite pushing them away. They learn their breaking point, and push them just bellow that point.

This allows them to take as much as they can, yet keep them around so they can take some more. Giving them the most bang for their buck.

The breaking point is likely to be much higher when children are involved. Because no right minded person would split a family over a “minor incident”. Which narcissists are experts at making them seem.

So the bar is raised as to what behaviours would spell an end to the relationship. Allowing the narcissist to get away with more.

An Excuse To Keep Returning

Even if the relationship ends, children still play a useful role for the narcissist. Because for 18 years the narcissist has access to their former partner. And they have the law on their side.

They can disappear and do what they want. Then when things turn sour, come marching back “for the sake of the children”.

Narcissists don’t particularly care about seeing their children. Which is why they often have long absences from them. But they’re a great tool to use to get their feet back under the table.

Most well meaning parents won’t deny their children seeing the other parent. Even if they’ve disappeared for a while. This allows the narcissist to dip in and out of their life. And work their charm if they want some action.

If the narcissist has children with more than one partner, then it’s party time. Because they can flit between several peoples lives. And when they grow bored, discard them and move to another.

To Live Through Them

Narcissists see their children as extensions of themselves. And some want children so they can live through them, and push them to accomplish what they never did.

So they may push their children to become Doctors, lawyers, actors, singers etc. Regardless of what the child wants for themselves. And this can cause problems in later life.

It can be like fitting a square peg into a round hole. People need to find their own way, based on their own strengths, weaknesses and interests. But the narcissist is too focussed on their own ambitions to consider this. And relentlessly push their own agenda.

The narcissist usually takes credit for any success the child has. And claims it’s their genes and good parenting that’s responsible. To outsiders they may seem like a proud parent. But the only pride they really have is in themselves.

Ego boost

Some narcissists show off their 9 children from 4 different relationships. Even though they spend little time with them.

They see children as a boost to their profile. Because in their mind it shows how virile and desirable they are.

Some narcissists see children as a numbers game. The more they have, the greater they must be. So they try to have as many children as possible. Despite being absent parents.

Keeps Their Partner Under Control

Narcissists don’t usually have strong parental instincts. So they leave most of the parenting to their partners. And this works out great for them.

Narcissists like to saddle their partners with children. Because it keeps them under lock and key.

The narcissist knows that their partner has little freedom when they’re almost solely responsible for the children. And it keeps them safely tucked away at home. Whilst they swan around without a care in the world.

Parenting is draining. And narcissists like to play the energy game with their partners. This is where they tire them out whilst preserving their own energy. This allows them to dominate their fatigued partner. Because they have less mental and physical strength to fight back.

To Appear Normal

Although narcissists do little actual parenting, the outside world doesn’t know this. And the narcissist talks a good game to friends, family and co-workers. Creating the impression they’re doting parents, and normal functioning members of society.

Narcissists hide behind a family persona to disguise their dysfunctional ways. And it can work wonders for their image and reputation.

Narcissists love people thinking highly of them. It’s an ego boost for one. And it also helps them gain attention and favours. Because people are more willing to trust and spend time with people who are high functioning.

Final Thoughts

It’s not surprising that narcissists want children for selfish reasons. Everything else in their life revolves around them. So why should this be any different? But it’s easy for their partners to be fooled into thinking that they want them for the right reasons. Especially when the narcissist knows what to say.

Narcissists may talk romantically about how children will bring them closer. And how much joy they’ll bring. Which is all very appealing. But when the children arrive, the harsh reality kicks in.

The narcissist becomes more narcissistic, because they can get away with it. And spends little time and energy on their children. Because they’re still hyper focussed on themselves. Despite all the promises they made.

The sad truth is that even with children, narcissists want everything to revolve around them. And they’re happy to take the focus away from their children. Because deep down, they’re big kids themselves.

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