Most narcissists I’ve known have had either drink or drugs problems. Sometimes both. Narcissists seem to have an above average tendency to abuse substances.
This has me wondering, why do narcissists turn to drink or drugs? Here’s my thoughts…
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Narcissists Escape Their Own Thoughts
Narcissists like to think they’re perfect. Their self esteem rests on shaky delusions of perfection.
When alone with their thoughts, narcissists are in danger of uncovering the frightening truth they’re not perfect. They’re just normal flawed human beings. And they don’t want to see this.
So they avoid their thoughts like the plague. They don’t like what goes on in their own mind. And they’re desperate to keep away from it.
Narcissists often drink or take drugs to escape their thoughts. When under the influence, they’re no longer vulnerable to the imperfections of their own mind. They don’t think the same. Their memories are impaired. And they no longer care.
Even if they do explore their frailties, it becomes a distant hazy memory the next day. One they can brush under the carpet. And pretend it didn’t happen.
An Excuse For Their Behaviour
Narcissists spend most of their lives wearing a mask. Pretending they’re someone they’re not.
They like to portray themselves as confident, intelligent, and in control. But the reality is very different.
Pretending you’re someone you’re not is exhausting. And it’s impossible to keep this up for every minute of every day.
Narcissist take a break by hiding behind drink or drugs. When under the influence, they can unleash their narcissistic behaviours.
They know people assume “it’s just the drink talking”, or the drugs. But really it’s their true self.
To Feel Awesome
Narcissists like to believe they’re awesome. And they portray themselves as confident, assured, and comfortable in their own skin. But really they’re lacking in confidence, and crippled with self doubt.
If narcissists feel bad, they don’t look at how THEY can improve. They’re perfect, so it’s not their fault.
Narcissists look outside themselves to feel better. And drink and drugs are a good solution – albeit temporary and harmful.
Drink and most drugs reduce inhibitions. And makes them feel like the person they want to be. Narcissists can become addicted to the positive feelings drink and drugs give them. They’re awesome for a while.
An Excuse For Their Failures
Narcissists believe they’re special. And more intelligent and capable than everyone else.
But their average job, average home, and average life, challenges their delusions. So they look for something to blame.
Some blame their parents, partner, or children for why they’re not hugely successful. Others blame their addictions. “I would have been a top footballer if I hadn’t turned to drink and drugs.”
Some narcissists wear this as a badge of honour. “I could have been successful but I deliberately threw it away for a good time.”
Believe They’re Invincible
Narcissists believe they’re special, and normal rules don’t apply to them. That includes the normal rules of health.
Narcissists often believe they can withstand the ravages of drink and drug abuse. It might harm “normal” people, but not them,
Narcissists believe they’re above that, and they’ll be fine. So they continue to abuse drink and drugs longer than their peers.
They Kid Themselves
Narcissists are masters of deception. And that includes deceiving themselves as well as others.
Narcissists become so involved in their lies, they believe them too. I’ve seen many narcissists play down their consumption of drink and drugs to fool others. And fool themselves too. “I like the occasional drink.”
This lack of self honesty stops them pumping the breaks on their destructive habits. They often don’t realise how far they take things.
Enjoy Being The Victim Of Their “Illness”
Narcissists like to feel special. Even if it means having a problem or an illness. In today’s world, addictions are seen as illnesses. So there’s less blame.
Some narcissists like the attention a drink or drug problem brings. They can go to their doctors, to meetings, and sound off about their “problem”. Narcissists happily pontificate that no one understands what they’re going through. Which in their mind, elevates them above everyone else.
Narcissists enjoy the attention of flitting between being sober and “doing well”, and relapsing back to their “illness”. They receive praise for being sober, and attention when they’re not.
Narcissists also use their addictions as a means of control. “You need to come and see me now. I’m scared I might drink again.”
Final Thoughts
These are a few reasons why narcissists are prone to drink and drug abuse. Whilst most people calm down during their thirties, narcissists often persist longer. Some get worse with age.
Narcissists love the drama that drink and drugs bring. The fact it worries and harms their nearest and dearest is of little concern to them.
Narcissists believe they won’t come to any harm. In fact they don’t usually believe they have a problem. Unless they want to use it for their benefit. But even then, do they actually believe it’s a problem?
In a narcissists world, they have much to gain and little to lose. That’s until their habits catch up with them.
Some manage to stop when they see their health deteriorating. But others carry on. They either don’t know, or don’t care about the harm they’re doing.
Narcissists are addictive people by nature. They’re addicted to drama, attention, and feeling special. Drugs and alcohol feed these addictions. And they’re also addictive within themselves.
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My ex narc drank steadily throughout out the day, your article explains why so clearly, he never drank until he fell over, I now see it was to alter his perceptions. He couldn’t live with himself sober, couldn’t face up to reality, at 76 his health was really damaged by alcohol but he had to alter his reality daily.
I suppose it’s like self medicating.
No, it’s not as straightforward as self-medicating. I liked this article precisely because it identified the narcissistic factors that make them prone to addiction- what they get out of it, beyond just typical self-medicating.
Yes agreed Susan. There’s many reasons narcissists turn to drink and drugs.
am i a narc?
makes me think i am a narc
Check out this post Ian – http://narcissisms.com/are-you-a-narcissist/
Wow, I really needed this. Thank you.
Glad this has helped you Anna!
Thank you so much for telling us why! I never knew why did he drink so heavily and consistently. He even tried to drag me with him. He got ill and still wouldn’t give up drinking. When I didn’t want to join him he would get so mad. He didn’t care less that i get sick from binge drinking and he would threaten me that he would leave me if i don’t keep up. They are awful controlling manipulative people, I’m glad I’m out.
Yes I’ve seen them drag their “nearest and dearest” into drink simply so they wouldn’t have a go at them for drinking. It’s awful he threatened to leave you if you didn’t drink. I’m glad you’re in a better space now Gaby.
My ex did All this and then some. A few ex’s actually. I’m so afraid that committing suicide will sound like the best way out for that last ex of mine,
They’re often quite tortured souls I think Shannon.
Age and losing appeal to future prey. They are no longer getting the fuel they need to boost them up. A high tower and a long fall. Too bad if he or she were so bright they’d put and escalator in their home. One way of course. Up.
I’ve not encountered a narcissist that didn’t self medicate either with drugs, alcohol, sex, in combination and be on medication. Uppers, downers, ecstasy, pot…
I truly have wondered since I first heard this word (about two years ago) and have been reading up on it if I was the only one who thought it was the drugs. Up until now anyway. Now I see it. Treatment I don’t know how many times (at least three I am sure of) and it always came back to the same. After thirty years of not speaking, I figured things would have to be different now. Nope! As you said, the older he got the worse he got. Thank you for this article. I am learning so much form all of you!
I’m glad this is helping you Lois. Narcissists are pretty formulaic and predictable once you learn about them. I believe a bit of knowledge in this area helps A LOT!
Excellent article