When a relationship with a narcissist breaks down, it’s common for them to lead a smear campaign against you. This is despite them being at fault.
They shout from the rooftops about what a bad partner you were. Fabricating and exaggerating your negative traits.
What’s going on? Why would they treat you like the bad guy, after all they’ve done? All you did was receive THEIR bad treatment. Don’t they feel guilty?
No they don’t! Here’s why narcissists lead smear campaigns once a relationship is over…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists And Their Public Image
Narcissists are usually protective over their public image. They like to be seen as clever, successful, a great parent, great partner etc.
They love to be publicly adored and held in high esteem. It’s only behind closed doors they display most of their narcissistic behaviour.
Narcissists are often helpful, charming and polite to outsiders. But treat their “nearest and dearest” like something they’ve scraped off their shoe.
During a relationship or friendship, narcissists use many tricks to get away with their narcissistic behaviours. But they don’t want this getting out, because this may tarnish their carefully constructed image.
So they smear to reduce your credibility. Then people are less likely to believe you if you reveal what they’re really like.
Narcissists In Close Relationships
Narcissists are usually nice at the beginning of relationships. Often super nice. This draws people in. Gradually over time they introduce their narcissistic behaviours.
They usually start with subtle digs and sarcastic comments. If you say anything, they claim they were joking. Or accuse you of being too sensitive.
Narcissists don’t care what those closest to them think. Because they believe they’re already won over. They don’t need to try with them any more.
The narcissist creates a world where they’re condescending, controlling, and manipulative with their nearest and dearest. But nice as pie to the rest of the world. And somehow they make this appear fairly normal to those around them. Normal enough for them not to spill the beans.
When The Relationship Breaks Down
Once a relationship or friendship breaks down, the narcissist panics. They don’t want the whole world knowing what they’re REALLY like. No one would go near them, and they know it. Narcissists NEED attention and adoration.
They no longer have as much control now things have broken down. Especially if you’ve left them. So they smear as a desperate way of retaining their “perfect” public image. They know that if they discredit you, no one will believe the truth.
Narcissists think nothing of contacting people you know and telling their fabricated side of the story. How controlling and manipulative YOU are. Yes, they’ll happily project their shortcomings on to you.
Narcissists may also provoke you to get a reaction. Wind you up by using something they know you’re sensitive about. Then when you react, show this as “proof” of your bad behaviours. “Look at this nasty message they sent me.”
People often only hear their side of the story. Whilst the narcissist is shamelessly smearing you to anyone who’ll listen, you’re keeping yourself to yourself, trying to heal.
Frustratingly, this can lead to people believing the narcissists fictitious side of the story.
I’ve even heard stories of narcissists smearing BEFORE a relationship has ended. In preparation for what’s to come.
Confusing
It’s confusing when someone you thought was close treats you bad, then tells everyone how badly you treat them. When you don’t know the mind of a narcissist, it’s difficult to know what’s going on.
It can even lead you to doubt yourself. Was I really that bad?
But the fact is they know they were in the wrong. But Lord knows they’re not going to publicly admit it. In fact they’re going to smear you to make it out to be YOUR fault.
That’s how important their public image is. They care more about that than they care about you.
What Can You Do?
There’s not a great deal you can do. Of course you can tell your side of the story. But ultimately people will decide for themselves who to believe.
It’s pointless going to war with a narcissist. They’ll never hold their hands up and admit fault. They’ll use every tactic to prove themselves “right”, and you “wrong”. And it’s frustrating and draining. Whilst you should be healing, you’re dragged into their toxic world of conflict. And that’s no good for you.
Tell people you’re close to your side of the story, and leave it at that. Those that are true friends will listen to your side. And will be there for you.
Final Thoughts
Ultimately YOU know what really happened. Focus on yourself and healing. Those that care will eventually see your side of things. And those that don’t, well they don’t really matter. Not enough to stop you focusing on your healing.
By not getting dragged into a war, you’re firing the most devastating blow to a narcissist. You’re showing them that they don’t matter. And they hate that more than anything.
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