Narcissists are well known to mirror people. This is where they copy how someone looks. The phrases they say. Their mannerisms. And even their whole persona.
Someone mirroring you can be unnerving. Because it’s not normal behaviour. But the motivations for narcissist mirroring aren’t always sinister. But this depends on the narcissist, and the situation.
Here’s the main reasons why narcissists mirror you…
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Mirroring To Appear “Normal”
Most narcissists are aware that they’re different. Yet they want to fit in, and be liked and admired.
So they mirror people who have the qualities they want, but don’t have. And the much sought after quality, is empathy.
Narcissist get jealous of empathetic people. Because they effortlessly display kindness and sincerity. Which allows them to get on with people, and be highly thought of.
So a narcissist may mirror phrases, traits, and mannerisms that display empathy. So they can fake their own empathy. This allows them to attract people, and be thought of more favourably.
Narcissists may also mirror hobbies and interests that display empathy. For instance, they may mirror someone who’s vegan. Someone who works in a care profession. Or someone who volunteers for charities.
Mirroring For Love Bombing
At the beginning of relationships, narcissists usually love bomb. This is where they act nice. And pretend to be someone’s ideal partner.
Narcissists do this to emotionally draw people in. And get them involved. As this allows the narcissist to treat them worse in the future. Because no one wants to throw away a supposed “perfect” relationship.
As part of their love bombing, narcissists often mirror their new partner. They may pretend to like the same things. Such as the same music, films, hobbies. Pretend to have similar political ideals. Dress in a similar style, etc.
Narcissists know that people are attracted to like minded people. So they mirror their traits back to them, to reel them. But once they’re hooked, they drop this act. Which is why the narcissist may suddenly lose interest in their supposed mutual interests.
To Avoid Rejection And Abandonment
Many narcissists fear rejection and abandonment. Particularly if they have borderline traits. And they fear this for a few reasons.
The biggest reason is that narcissists need narcissistic supply to prop up their fragile self esteem. And narcissistic supply requires people to feed them attention, admiration, etc. So if they have no one around them, they may psychologically disintegrate.
Narcissists also fear rejection and abandonment, because it tells them something they don’t want to hear. Which is that they’re not superior and special. Because who’d walk away from someone if they were amazing?
Leaving a narcissist implies that they’re nothing to write home about. So they may mirror friends and lovers to stop them leaving. Just to keep their delusions of superiority alive.
Mirror To Win People Over
Narcissists may also mirror to win people over. Such as friends, work colleagues, bosses, etc.
Similar to love bombing, narcissists mirror peoples traits, likes, and personality back to them. Creating the impression they’re like minded. Which is good for bonding.
Some narcissists completely change their personas, depending on who they’re mirroring. So different people see a completely different narcissist.
This sometimes leads to narcissists not wanting people in their life to meet each other. Because they can’t continue this charade if everyone’s in the same room. So they keep people apart, to hide their changes in persona.
Mirror To Create Their Identity
Most narcissists don’t have a stable identity. Instead their identity is mailable. And is often a grandiose fictitious delusion of someone they wished they’d be.
So narcissists mirror peoples mannerisms, behaviours, traits, etc. And use them as their own. Because they don’t really know who they are. So you may find a narcissist acts differently, depending on who’s in their life at the time.
If they meet a new friend or work colleague they admire, they may act like them for a while. Then start talking like them. Dressing like them. And even look like them. After a while they may meet someone else, and mirror a whole different personality.
To Feel Powerful
Narcissists may mirror you if they perceive you as powerful or successful. And that’s because they harbour delusions of superiority. And badly want to be put on a pedestal.
So narcissists may adopt your looks, dress sense, mannerisms etc. to give the outward appearance of your success. Because to most narcissists, the appearance of success is more important than actual success.
To Compete With You
Narcissists constantly measure themselves against others. And if someone “beats” them in an area that’s precious to them, then they may experience intense jealousy.
To appease their jealousy, the narcissist may mirror the person they’re jealous of. They may wear the same type of clothes. Drive the same car. And copy aspects of their personality. Just to compete. All while criticising, and trying to bring them down.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists mirror people to cover up their social deficiencies. But may also use it to draw people in, for manipulation.
If you meet someone who likes everything you like, and acts similar, be cautious. Observe how knowledgable they are about “mutual interests”. And take your time before letting them in your life.
Ask yourself these questions. Is their knowledge superficial? Or do they have a deeper understanding, that’s compatible with someone who’s genuinely interested?
Narcissists are often experts at faking superficial knowledge. Especially if they’re cerebral narcissists. Because they want to “know” more than everyone else.
However this isn’t the same as genuine interest or passion. So the narcissist learns just enough to impress people who don’t know the subject. But no more than that. So if you dig deeper, you see huge gaps in their knowledge.
Whilst this isn’t a definitive sign a narcissist is mirroring you, it’s a red flag. And something to watch out for. Because if it is a narcissist, they may reel you in with your own reflection. Before smashing that mirror, and releasing their narcissism onto you.
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