Many narcissists like on-off relationships. This is where they split up and get back together multiple times.

This leads their partners on a roller coaster of emotions. Which can be strangely addictive for some. But an unstable relationship leads to an unstable life. And causes distress to most grown adults, who like things solid, so they can thrive.

Despite this, many narcissists deliberately manipulate things to create on-off relationships.

They may create arguments to use as an excuse to leave. Deliberately take things the wrong way. Find fault in minor things. Or even randomly accuse their partners of things, such as having an affair, despite little evidence.

Why would they do this? Here’s why narcissists like on-off relationships…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Control

Narcissists want to control their relationships. And stopping and starting them gives them ultimate control. Because THEY choose when the relationship ends, and when it begins.

The narcissist hopes that when they end things, you pine for their return. So that when they click their fingers, you come running. This “proves” how great they are. And confirms their power in the relationship.

The narcissist doesn’t feel bad for their partners, because they have little emotional empathy. Instead they feel empowered, because they’re pulling the strings.

Punishment

If the narcissist senses that splitting up causes you distress, then it’s a powerful tool to use as punishment. And some narcissists use this to discourage unwanted behaviours. Even if they fall well bellow normal end-of-relationship transgressions.

The narcissists may for example end a relationship if their partner sees their friends. Or if their dinner isn’t on the table when they arrive home.

By repeatedly taking them back, the narcissist grows in confidence. And end the relationship over increasingly trivial matters. Because they’re assured they can return whenever they choose. And this increases their power in the relationship.

This instability has their partners walking on egg shells, afraid of doing the wrong thing. And unsure what this wrong thing is. Because it could be anything that triggers the next break-up.

Affairs

On-off relationships are perfect for narcissists who have affairs. Because they can claim they’re technically not affairs if they’re ever caught.

The plan is simple. The narcissist ends the relationship, then indulges in some extra curricular fun. Then when things turns sour, return to their faithful partners.

They probably won’t tell their partner about their other relationship, unless they want to make them feel bad. But this “break” helps them justify what they’re doing. Because some narcissists like to justify their actions, as they’re in denial of their narcissism. And like to convince themselves as much as others that they’re good decent people.

Even if the affair wasn’t during a break, on-off relationships blur the lines of their affairs. Because it’s easy to claim that it happened during a split if you’re constantly on and off. And confrontations about their affairs become arguments about dates and times, rather than what they did.

Triangulation

On-off relationships are also great for triangulation. This is where the narcissist plays two or more people off against each other. The narcissist controls the narrative between them, and enjoys many benefits.

One common tactic is where the narcissist claims their “ex” did more for them than their current partner. Encouraging jealousy and competition. Then sitting back and reaping the rewards.

And of course the members of the narcissists harem can’t confirm the truth, because it’s not like they’re all friends who talk regularly (although this does sometimes happen!)

If their current partner doesn’t give more, then they may openly leave them for the other person. Blaming them for why they’re leaving. And they may even post lovey-dovey pictures over social media to rub salt in the wound.

But usually narcissists grow bored of their new relationships, and look to triangulate the other way. They may reach out to their now ex, with the sob stories of how badly their partner is treating them. (Which is probably untrue). And with no way of corroborating this, they feel sorry for the narcissist. And take them back – either as their primary partner, or as their affair.

Some narcissists play the on-off relationship game with two or more people for years. Flitting between them, and playing them off against each other. This causes several people to lead stressful lives. But the narcissist doesn’t care.

Drama

Narcissists love the drama of splitting up and getting back together. Whereas neuro-typicals usually hate this.

Narcissists welcome the drama because they wall themselves away from their emotions to avoid pain and hurt. But this comes at the price of feeling dead inside. Because they don’t feel the normal spectrum of human emotions.

To compensate, narcissists must have regular fixes of drama to feel alive. And breaking up and getting back together gives them a buzz.

The on-off relationship may distress their partners. But the narcissists lack of empathy stops them from feeling their partners pain. Allowing them to repeat this drama many times, without losing a wink of sleep.

A Test

Narcissists are often insecure. But fantasise about having the perfect love. So they sometimes test their partners to make sure they love them as madly and deeply as they feel they deserve.

And as strange as it sounds, some narcissists split from their partners to test how badly their partners want them back. Just to prove their love. They expect them to be crying and begging for their return. And if they do, they’ve past the test.

But perversely, the narcissist has less respect for their partners if they beg them to return. Because they see this as a weakness.

If the narcissist ends things and their partner begs them to come back, they know they have power over them. And if a narcissist has power, they use it. Which usually means they treat their partners progressively worse after each split. Simply because they can.

They passed the test, and their prize is worse treatment. But the narcissist awards themselves with the ability to get away with increasingly narcissistic behaviour.

But if their partner doesn’t want them back, then the narcissist may anger. And lash out, because in their mind it proves their partner never loved them.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists aim for on-off relationships for one or more of these reasons. And each one shows that the narcissist only considers their own needs. Not their partners.

For a narcissist, on-off relationships satisfies many of their disordered ways. But it puts enormous strain on their neuro-typical partners.

If you’re in a relationship that’s regularly on and off, take a step back and look at why you keep breaking up. Are they manufacturing situations to give them an excuse to split? Or do you simply not get on that well?

Either way, is it really worth being in a relationship that’s constantly on and off? Not only is it damaging to your mental health, but it shows something’s wrong.

Healthy relationships have their ups and downs. But they don’t break up at the merest whiff of trouble. They talk, even argue, but strive to work things out. And this is what you deserve.

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