I recently posted a video on Tiktok, where I talked about narcissists behaviours when someone’s ill. And it blew up beyond my expectations!

This obviously struck a chord. So I thought I’d write a more in depth article about narcissists and illness.

Many people report strange behaviours from narcissists when they’re ill. And they usually involve the narcissist not believing them. Trying to persuade them they’re not ill. Or even punishing them.

So why do narcissists hate it when you’re ill? In this article, I’ll discuss several reasons why narcissists don’t like it when you’re ill. And why they behave so strangely…

Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

It’s NOT That They Care For You!

I’ll get this out the way first. Narcissists don’t hate it when you’re ill because they care for you. It has nothing to do with it! But people are often fooled into thinking this.

The narcissists strange behaviours are sometimes interpreted as “caring too much”. Because they’re so worried about losing you. But that isn’t the case.

If you don’t understand narcissism, then it’s easy to assume this. Because we naturally believe that people think like ourselves. And we’d never abandon our partners in their hour of need. So we assume they wouldn’t either. So it only leaves the option of them taking your illness badly.

The truth is, your illness HAS rocked their world. But not in the way many people think. This is what’s REALLY going on…

You’re Not Available For Them

The first reason narcissists play up when you’re ill, is because you’re not available for them. Narcissists see their loved ones as commodities to be used. Like a toaster or a kettle.

When you’re ill, you can’t give them the things they want. You can’t give them the usual attention. And you can’t help with things you normally help with. And this makes them mad.

Just like you might be annoyed if your toaster stops working. You don’t feel sorry for the toaster. You’re annoyed you have no toast! And in the same way, the narcissist is annoyed with your lack of service.

To combat this, the narcissist may act in denial of your illness. Because they’re used to bending reality to fit what they want. So they hope that if they bury their head in the sand, your illness goes away. They may even tell you you’re not ill. In a desperate attempt to make it vanish.

This is obviously perplexing for their partners. Especially if they’ve got a medical diagnosis. Because why wouldn’t they believe they’re ill?

The truth is, they don’t want to believe you. Because your illness is inconvenient. They’re not in denial because they care about you. They’re in denial because of THEIR loss.

You Might Want Their Help

To make matters worse, when you’re ill, you might want the narcissists help. And they can’t have that. That’s not how their relationships work. You do things for them – not the other way round.

So they may avoid you. Because not only do they not want to help. They don’t want you having a taste of it. Because you might get used to it. And demand more in the future.

So they may pretend they’re needed at work, to stay out your way. Or have some other “emergency” that needs attending to. I’ve even heard of them taking mini vacations, whilst their partner is ill!

Stealing The Narcissists Attention

Some narcissists hate it when you’re ill, because you’re stealing THEIR attention. And narcissists need everything revolving around them – at all times.

When you’re ill, all eyes are on you. Because you’re the person in need. And caring people gravitate towards helping you. But narcissists get jealous of this attention.

To combat this, some narcissists fake illness when their partner’s ill. To level the playing field. In fact they may take it further, and claim their “illness” is worse than yours.

This solves a lot of their “problems”. Because now they can demand equal attention. And you can’t ask them for anything. Because allegedly, they’re as ill as you.

Narcissists Assume You’re Faking It (Like They Do)

Many narcissists fake illness. Especially covert narcissists. Because it’s a sly way of getting people to do as their told. Without appearing bossy or demanding.

When you’re ill, the narcissist may think you’re up to THEIR tricks. Because it’s natural to assume that people think like ourselves.

So your illness may be met with hostility. Because the narcissist is angry that you’re trying to pull a fast one, and exploit them. Just like they’d exploit you.

This hostility is obviously confusing for their partners. Because what normal thinking person would be horrible to a sick partner? Why are they angry? What’s going on? Welcome to the world of narcissism!

Final Thoughts

Narcissists hostile behaviours towards their ill partners is a source of confusion and distress. Which makes their partners search for answers. And the most logical answer is that the narcissist cares too much. Which causes them to react in a strange way. Because when you think through the lens of a neuro-typical, what else could it be?

When you understand narcissism, it makes sense that they consider you a “faulty good”. And their strange behaviours reflect their frustration that it’s not business as usual.

The narcissists poor attitude shows their inability to care. And illustrates their lack of respect for your needs. Showing the one-sided nature of narcissist relationships.

Sadly, narcissists don’t care about anyone but themselves. Which is why they turn their back on you, in your hour of need. And if they can’t help you when you’re ill, when can they help?

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