Many narcissists have a habit of disappearing for weeks, months, even years. Then suddenly reappearing as if they were never away. There’s a few reasons for this behaviour…
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Been Rumbled For Something Bad
Narcissists like to nurture a positive public image. They need lots of attention, and they know they won’t get it if people knew what they were really like.
If they’ve been caught doing something bad, they know their public image is in jeopardy. Sometimes they turn their heels and run.
Narcissists may move to another area. Or get a new job. And lay low for a while. They meet new people and can play the nice act to them. And get away with manipulating them for a while.
If they ruin things with more bad behaviour, they might return. Hoping that time has made their acts fade in peoples memories. And they can twist the story to save face.
Narcissist Ex Partner
If the narcissist is an ex, they’re likely to reappear when they’ve either low on supply, or they want something.
Narcissists hate being alone. If they’re low on options, they often return to old supplies.
Narcissists bank on you forgetting the trouble they caused you. And remind you of the “good old days”. But those were probably the early “love bombing” days. When they were pretending to be nice to get you involved.
Narcissists don’t seem to care if YOU crossed them either. Past conflicts are often forgotten about. Regardless of who was at fault.
You might be fooled into thinking they’re holding out the olive branch. Not so! They’re just focussed on what they want. So they no longer care about old conflicts.
If you discarded the narcissist, they might be contacting you for more sinister reasons. Narcissists HATE being discarded. It’s a bog blow to their fragile ego.
I’ve heard stories of narcissists getting back in contact with former partners for the sole reason of enticing them back, then discarding THEM. Yes, a narcissist is petty enough to get back with someone, simply to discard them back.
A narcissist ex might return to check up on you. See if you’re single, and how vulnerable you look. Narcissist like to have options on their back burner. So they reconnect with old flames to see if you’re a potential option. If you’re single and look depressed, it’s game on.
Narcissist Friend
Narcissist friends also have a habit of disappearing and reappearing. Again it’s likely they want something when they reappear.
Narcissists often can’t be bothered with the work of maintaining friendships. If they have attention elsewhere, you might not hear from them for a while. But as soon as they need you, they’re back.
And in my experience, if you don’t have time for them, they act offended. And have the attitude of “I haven’t seen you in ages and you haven’t got time for me?” This is despite them not being in touch for months.
They expect you to drop everything when they call you out the blue. In their mind, you should be there for them whenever they want. But they don’t need to be there for you.
Child Custody
If you share children with a narcissist, they’re usually inconsistent with their visits. They might disappear for months on end, then suddenly appear at your door, demanding to see their children.
They know they can use emotional blackmail if you say no. And play the victim, telling everyone you won’t let them see their children.
The thing is, narcissists don’t really care for seeing their children. They use them as an excuse to visit you. That’s why they’re happy to not see them for months. Then suddenly they say they miss them like crazy.
If there’s nothing to be gained, they grow tired of visiting their “precious” children. And disappear for a while. Then reappear again to see if you’re single or vulnerable. Or if they want something.
Narcissists know that if they share children with you, they have an excuse to walk in and out your life whenever they want. And it’s hard for you to say no.
Punishment
Narcissists sometimes disappear to punish you for something they believe you’ve done wrong. Then reappear when they’ve decided to “forgive” you.
It’s their way of conditioning you to do as you’re told, through reward and punishment. They also control the relationship. They decide when you’re not friends. Then decide when you are.
I had a situation like this with a female narcissist friend. She decided to unfriend me on Facebook. Then about a week later I received a friend request from her. I knew what she was up to, so I hit “ignore” and went about my life!
Appearing Out The Blue
Narcissists like to turn up totally out the blue. They might appear at your door, or phone you. They don’t usually send a gentle message to see how things are first. They go all in.
By hitting you suddenly, they control the situation. If they appear at your door, they know it’s hard to turn them away. If they’re on the other end of the phone, it puts pressure on you to agree to their requests.
Narcissists know you’re more likely to say yes if they pressure you into a decision. A message gives you time to think. A luxury they don’t want you to have.
They don’t care about your needs. If they want your time or a favour, they expect it now.
Final Thoughts
Always bear in mind that narcissists only contact you when they want something. It could be your attention, a favour, or something else.
Don’t fall for their lines about missing you. They say anything to get what they want. Personally I won’t drop everything for them. If they know they can reappear and you drop everything, they expect it. And you end up being their fall back plan.
Whether you entertain them is down to you. Just don’t expect their sudden contact to be for your benefit. If you’re a former partner and you don’t share children, you’d be wise to steer well clear!
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