Spend time with a narcissist, and most people are drained. Usually physically AND mentally. There’s many reasons why narcissists are so draining to be around. Here’s a few of them…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists Are Needy
Narcissists are usually needy, like small children. If you stand up to go to the bathroom, they ask where you’re going. Look at your phone, and they demand to know who messaged you. I’ve even heard them ask “What are you thinking?”
Some narcissists follow you around. And repeatedly make attempts to gain your attention, whenever you try to do something. You should be focussing ALL your attention on them – all the time.
This is suffocating, and feels like you can’t shake them for 5 minutes of peace. A day of this would drain anyone.
Narcissists Constantly Talk About Themselves
Narcissists think nothing of talking about themselves and their problems for hours on end. They might ask how your job is going. But after one sentence, interrupt with a huge monologue about theirs. If you mention anything about your job, expect the subject to quickly revert back to theirs again.
Sometimes a narcissist flat ignores what you say. Or talks right over you. They’re not concerned with ANYTHING you say. Unless it’s about them of course.
When they “listen”, it seems like they’re not really paying attention. They might fiddle with their phones, look away, or change the subject abruptly.
Narcissists don’t care about their audience. Or their attention span. Or how interesting their stories are (not!). Hours of listening to them prattle on about the small trivialities in their life can really take it out of you.
Narcissists Don’t Respect Your Space
The narcissist may be aware you’ve just finished a gruelling 12 hour shift. But they don’t care. If they want your attention, they will pester you to hang out. And won’t take no for an answer.
If you stick to your guns, they change tactics. They may go into victim mode. “My boyfriend was arguing with me again today.” And even if you don’t back down, you’re left feeling guilty.
Over time they try to condition you to say “yes” to their requests. They make things easier for you to say yes than to say no, by using pestering and guilt tactics. They often find ways of punishing you if you don’t comply. They don’t care that you may need a rest.
Narcissists Are Deliberately Antagonistic
Narcissists quickly grow bored of peace and harmony. So they deliberately antagonise to stir up the pot.
It might be in some subtle way, like asking you about your father, who they know you fall out with. They can then play the caring friend, when really they’ve wound you up.
Or they might come out with subtle digs or put downs. If you challenge them, you’re either too sensitive, or they were only joking.
Narcissists also figure out your triggers. Once they learn them, they use them to gain a reaction from you. They learn what winds you up. Because this reaction still gives them attention. And to a narcissist, negative attention is better than nothing. And of course, all this is emotionally draining.
Narcissists Don’t Judge Your Mood
Narcissists either don’t notice or don’t care about your mood. So if you’re feeling delicate, the narcissist won’t pick up on this. And will act however they want, regardless.
Most of us intuitively know if someone’s looking a bit down or wants some quiet, and adjust our behaviours accordingly. But narcissists don’t do this.
Narcissists happily talk loudly with gusto, even if you clearly look distressed. Someone who never has your needs in mind can be very challenging to spend time with. Especially when you’re not feeling on top form.
They Make You Walk On Eggshells
Narcissists love making people walk on eggshells around them.
They might get into “bad moods”, being snappy to everyone around them. They know it’s unpleasant to be around someone who’s in a foul mood. So people tip toe around them and do as they’re told to keep the peace.
They might watch you, and openly criticise everything you do. Narcissists have an annoying habit of sitting there, watching you. You might just be eating a meal. They’ll watch you closely and laugh condescendingly if you drop a pea out your mouth. Or any other “mistake” they witness. This can make you self conscious and on edge. Which is of course draining after a while.
Narcissists Are Takers
Narcissists always seem to need something. Whether it’s a loan, your time, a favour, or whatever.
Most people have a natural balancing mechanism in their brains. When someone does you a favour, you instinctively owe them something back.
Narcissists are happy to take, take, take. They don’t care if the relationship is 80-20. In fact, that’s how they like things. If they do something for you, there’s usually an ulterior motive. Or they quickly want something in return.
Their constant demands can of course be draining. Because you must keep on your toes if you’re to avoid being exploited.
Final Thoughts
These are a few of the many reasons why spending time with narcissists is draining. They give you a hard time and expect a lot from you. But give little in return.
EVERYTHING in a relationship with a narcissist is about them and their needs. They don’t consider that you also have wants and needs.
Over time they groom you to be more giving. And to accept their taking. It becomes normal. As far as a narcissist is concerned, you’re there purely to cater for them.
They literally suck the life out of you. Demanding more and more. And giving less and less.
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