From personal experience, breaking up with a narcissist is more painful than ending regular relationships. Yet this flies in the face of logic.

The relationship was dysfunctional. It offered little emotional support. And you gave far more than you got. So why would losing it be MORE painful?

In this article I’ll discuss why ending a narcissist relationship is more painful than regular relationships. Despite you having less to lose…

Please Check Out The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Your Investment And Sacrifice

In a narcissist relationship, you’re always holding on. Waiting for the narcissist to grow and improve. Waiting for them to see the light. Waiting for them to change.

The narcissist may promise things in the future, that never materialise. Which is known as future faking. And even if they don’t, you live in hope for a better future. Because things are never as you’d like it.

Narcissists show glimpses of the person you wish they could be. And when they’re on form, they can be wonderful.

So you bide your time. And help them as much as possible. Hoping your love and care helps them change for the better. And you keep investing, and keep giving. Waiting to reap your reward. But it never materialises.

You sacrifice so much that you’re caught in a trap. If you give up now, you’ve wasted all that effort. So you hang on longer than you should. And the longer you hang on, the more you invest. And the more you invest, the more you stand to lose.

Once the narcissist relationship ends, you feel the loss of all those years of investment. Because you were far from living your best life. So you may kick yourself for all the time you’ll never get back. Which makes the split doubly painful.

Blame Shifting

It’s likely that no matter how the relationship ended, the narcissist blamed you. They may have had numerous affairs. Were cold and uncaring. Never lifted a finger to help you. But apparently everything was YOUR fault.

Narcissists spend a life time manipulating people. They also hate admitting fault. So it’s natural for them to blame you for their failings. It’s what they do.

But because you’re conscientious, you can’t help but accept part of the blame. Maybe I didn’t love them enough? Maybe I was too harsh on them? And this can cause you to beat yourself up.

Meanwhile the narcissist sleeps like a baby. Because despite their failings, they convince themselves that YOU were the problem. And their lack of emotional empathy ensures they don’t feel your pain. So they’re not burdened with guilt. But you are. Which adds to the pain.

Narcissists Move On FAST

To rub salt in the wound, narcissists often move on rapidly. And might have a new relationship within days.

This adds to the pain and confusion. How did they find someone so quickly? Were they having an affair? Why aren’t they grieving for the relationship? Did they ever care?

From the narcissists perspective, they simply replaced you. Like you replace an old toaster or kettle. And you can feel their blasé attitude. Which adds to the hurt.

If You Ended The Relationship

If you ended the relationship, then the narcissist is likely to take this as a personal insult. Like a statement that you’re “better” than them. Even if they cheated, or treated you badly.

Most narcissists are on a constant quest to prove themselves. So you finishing with them shatters their delusions of superiority. And they can’t have that.

So the narcissist may fight tooth and nail to get you back. And are relentless in their pursuit. Even if the relationship is unsalvageable. Not because they care, but because they can’t bear to “lose”.

The narcissist may turn up at your place of work. Call and message you all the time. Hang out at places you go. And make your life a living hell. All because of their pride.

Narcissists may fan the embers of a dead relationship for months. Prolonging the pain and misery.

Trauma Bond

The pain of ending a narcissist relationship may be compounded by trauma bonding. This is an attachment that’s created between an abuser and the abused.

During a narcissist relationship, narcissists constantly tests their partners to see what they can get away with. So they push things further and further, treating you worse and worse. Until they sense you can’t take any more.

To keep you from leaving, the narcissist may retreat into “nice mode” for a while. And treat you well. And because you’ve been starved of love and affection, this nice treatment feels like heaven on earth.

This push and pull is typical of narcissist relationships. And their partners become addicted to the highs and lows. Which makes them feel like they’re impossibly attached to the narcissist. But this is the illusion of trauma bonding.

Their partner is addicted to the hormones that are released during these highs and lows. And not the narcissist. But it’s difficult to differentiate the two. Making the end of the relationship feel particularly distressing. When in reality, it’s doing you a favour.

No Closure

When a narcissist relationship ends, it never feels over. Because the narcissist usually leaves the door ajar.

Most narcissists hate being single. Because they need almost constant attention. So they keep their options open by placing their exes on the back burner.

So the narcissist may keep you hanging on with hints and subtle flirtations. Just in case they need you in the future.

Narcissists also deny their exes proper closure, due to their dishonesty. When a healthy relationship ends, both parties usually discuss the problems they were facing. And hold their hands up to their mistakes. Which allows them learn and move on.

As I mentioned earlier, narcissists rarely admit fault. So if you try to talk to them this way, you’re met with accusations and blame shifting. And very little else.

This leaves many unanswered questions, which makes moving on doubly hard. Because we naturally want to know what happened.

The best closure you can get is to learn as much as you can about narcissism. Because this reveals far more than the narcissist will ever admit. And it helps you understand the problems you faced during your relationship.

Final Thoughts

If you’re fresh from the demise of a narcissist relationship, don’t despair. You’re still affected by their mind games and manipulations. But they wear off over time.

You may also have lost touch with yourself. Because most of your energy was directed towards the narcissist. With little left for you.

So focus on yourself for a while. And if you can, resist the temptation to get back in touch with the narcissist. Because nothing positive can come of it.

They’re unlikely to give you proper closure. In fact, they’ll probably make things worse. Because of their denials and blame shifting.

After a while, you’ll see how bad the relationship was. And how your life is better without them. And given enough time, you’ll wonder what you ever saw in them.

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