A lot written about narcissists relates to romantic relationships. So for a change, I thought I’d write about narcissists in friendships. And how narcissists treat their friends.

There’s obviously some cross over with how narcissists treat romantic partners. But here’s the main things that stand out to me with narcissist friends. Feel free to add what you’ve observed, in the comments at the end of this article.

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Narcissists Want You To Tag Along

Narcissists expect their friends to accompany them wherever they want to go. It could be a concert for an artist only they like, for example.

They don’t care about your interests. Or whether you have a good time. They’re too focussed on what they want.

Some narcissists “invite” you in a way that makes it difficult to say no. Some will do a “favour” first, to make you feel obliged. Others are more pushy, and bully their way to agreement. Others use emotional blackmail.

You may agree, out of kindness. That’s what friends do, right? But when you want the favour returned, don’t hold your breath!

Narcissists Assume You Like What They Like

Many narcissists assume their friends like the same things they do. They can be pretty black and white about likes and dislikes. Some consider everything they like is “good”, and therefore everybody else should like it.

They don’t understand how someone can not like something they like. And may act insulted, or accuse you of having no taste.

I remember once talking to a narcissist who said she had good taste in music. I explained to her that everybody thinks they have good taste in music. Because everybody likes what they like. She kept repeating, “No, but the music I like is good”. Try as I might, I could not get across to her that EVERYBODY thinks the music they like is good!

Narcissists Don’t respect Your Time

After a while of being friends with a narcissist, you sense they don’t respect your time. And they do things when it’s convenient for them, not you.

For example they might visit round dinner time, even though you’ve a family to feed. Or phone you late at night, when they know you’ve work in the morning. You’re barely a consideration in their calculations.

Narcissists are often late. So often it’s expected. But keep them waiting, and there’s hell to pay!

Narcissists Ignore Your Problems

You might listen to their problems day in, day out. But as soon as you have a problem, they don’t want to know.

They may glaze over, clearly not listening. Complain you need to “pull yourself together”. Change the subject, (usually back to them). Or make light of it, then proceed to tell you about their “real” problems.

Some narcissists get angry if you express problems. They’re frustrated you’re wasting their valuable time. And not putting enough focus on their needs. How dare you!

Narcissists find it difficult to understand you’re a living breathing person, with problems of your own. They’re the only ones allowed to have problems.

Expect You To Anticipate When They Need Help

Some narcissists get annoyed if you haven’t anticipated their problems, and helped them. They expect you to have an almost telepathic insight into their world.

For example, you should have known it was the 12th anniversary of their grandmothers death. And you should have called them to comfort them. Or you should have noticed they had financial problems, and offered to lend them money.

Narcissists think everybody thinks about them as much as they do. They’re oblivious that people have their own affairs to focus on. And also oblivious to the hypocrisy of them not anticipating anyone else’s needs.

Some narcissists place unrealistically high demands on what you should do for them. Leaving you walking on egg shells, worried you haven’t been a good enough friend.

Borrow Money

Many narcissists are poor with their finances. Often asking to borrow money. Some are better at repaying than others.

After a while, they rely on you. And an almost unspoken arrangement is made, where you feel responsible for their finances.

Narcissists may use sob stories to guilt you into lending them cash. Then days later, splurge on something frivolous. Leaving you questioning whether they really needed help.

Make Your Life Revolve Around Them

Narcissists find ways to make your life revolve around them. Sometimes they borrow money or items, so you have to contact them to get them back. Then as soon as it’s returned, there’s something else they “need” to borrow.

It’s a power game that keeps you in their pocket. Like an insurance policy to ensure you get in touch with them. Because if you want the money or items back, then you must contact them.

There’s many other ways narcissists make your life revolve around them. They might suggest “going halves” on something. Or regularly call round to your house uninvited, so you find it difficult to make other plans. Or act funny if you do something without them.

I was twice asked if I would cook EVERY DAY for a narcissist friend if she gave me money for food. Because I was cooking for myself anyway. That would have meant contacting her every day to drop it off. Plus coordinating times, what she liked etc. I wouldn’t have had a life if I’d have agreed!

Possessive

Narcissists can be possessive with friends. And get jealous when you spend time with others. Even though THEY might have other friends. There’s often this feeling you should be there for them whenever they need you. No matter what.

Narcissists see those close to them as a commodity. And their purpose is to be there when they need them. Narcissists often forget that friends are individuals with their own life. And sometimes want to do things on their own, or with different people.

Narcissists Compartmentalise Their Friends

Some narcissists compartmentalise their friends. By this I mean they have different friends for different purposes.

They might have a friend who’s there to listen to their problems. Another friend who’s there for nights out. And another for advice.

Narcissists often assigns roles to friends. Which works fine if you’re happy with your role. But sometimes they try and fit a square peg into a round hole. And expect a friend to be someone they’re not.

Only Want To Hang Out When They’re Bored

Narcissist friends don’t usually make time to hang out with friends. They only want to hang out when they’re bored, or want someone to tag along to their events. Narcissists don’t put themselves out simply to spend time with you.

Narcissists HATE being alone. So their requests to hang out may seem like they want to spend quality time with you. And of course this is what they say. But really you’re a body providing attention. And it can sometimes feel this way.

They might for example invite you over, then spend most of the evening ignoring you. Looking at their phone, watching TV, or whatever. They wanted to see you so badly, and now you’re there, they don’t seem to care.

This is because narcissists NEED attention. They hate being alone. But equally, they hate being vulnerable, and showing they need people. So they might pester for attention, then act indifferently once they get it.

In the past, I’ve had complaints for interrupting the TV with too much talking, after being invited round. Why invite me round if you want to watch TV in peace?!

Expect You To Cancel EVERYTHING

I’ve been encouraged to cancel gigs when I was a paid musician. Cancel dates with new love interests. And ignore deadlines when studying. All because the narcissist was at a loose end and wanted to hang out.

They didn’t care how cancelling these things would affect me. (Of course I said no!) Which was disappointing, to say the least. Their need for attention superseded anything I had planned.

The Closer You Get, The Worse They Treat You

Just like in romantic relationships, the closer you get to a narcissist, then worse they treat you. Once they feel you like them, they no longer feel the need to impress you. So they drop the nice act.

Sometimes it’s a good idea to keep them at arms length. So they don’t feel too close to you. Then you can keep them on their toes, and get the best out of them.

But It’s Not All Bad!

It’s not all bad being friends with a narcissist. They often make things happen, because they’re easily bored. And some are good at organising things, even if it’s for selfish reasons.

Narcissists can be fun, charismatic, and charming. And if they want to impress, you can have a great time. They’re often good at bringing people together, as they like as much attention as possible.

Narcissists pushy nature also has it’s positives. It can encourage you to try new things you wouldn’t normally try. Leading you to discover new hobbies and new interests. And at the very least, you gain new experiences.

There’s rarely a dull moment around a narcissist friend. Which can be both a blessing, and a curse!

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Signs Your Friend Is A Narcissist