When a narcissist walks into a room, they check everyone out. Then rank them. Then suss where they are in the hierarchy.
This constant comparing to others must be exhausting. And leads to many negative experiences for the narcissist. But perhaps the most significant, is jealousy.
Narcissists feel jealous over the most trivial things. And this is illustrated in the way they try to make people feel jealous of them.
It’s often said that you can tell someone’s weakness by what they use to attack others. And most narcissists want people to be jealous of them. So they may brag and boast. With the soul intention of making people feel jealous of them.
Although the narcissist welcomes others jealousy, they may become hostile when they experience it. And act incredibly childish.
If you learn what triggers a narcissists jealousy, you better understand their behaviours and motivations. And if you want to, you can avoid triggering them, for an easier life.
Here’s some of the things that make narcissists jealous…
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Your Happiness
Whilst most of us like seeing others happy, narcissists hate it. Especially if they’re happier than the narcissist. Even if it’s their loved ones.
When seeing someone happy, the narcissist may tear them down. And ruin things.
They may become verbally abusive. Cause an argument. Or criticise what you’re doing. Just because they’re jealous of your happiness.
Most narcissists don’t realise that your happiness has nothing to do with them. They act like the happier you are, the less happy they must be. Like it’s a limited resource. So they try to put a spanner in the works. Rather than focus on their own happiness.
Your Empathy
People with emotional empathy find it easy to get along with others. They effortlessly show kindness and consideration. Because it comes naturally.
This makes you popular. And people often have good things to say about you.
Most narcissists want to be admired, to boost their delusions of superiority. Plus they need to keep people on side, to give them narcissistic supply.
So narcissists may ACT nice. Especially with people they’re not close to. To win them over. But this act is exhausting, as it’s not natural. And they often slip up and make mistakes.
So a narcissist may be hostile when they see you getting along with others. Because they’re jealous of your empathy. And how easily you get on with people.
Out of jealousy, the narcissist may convince themselves and others that you’re faking it. And find faults that don’t exist. Projecting their own shortcomings onto you.
Your Illness
This may sound bizarre, but narcissists get jealous when someone’s ill. Particularly if it’s their significant other.
In their relationships, narcissists expect all the attention and resources to go to them. But when someone’s ill, they need the favour returning. Which doesn’t sit well.
On top of this, when you’re ill, you can’t serve them. And narcissists expect their partners to be there for them at all times. No matter what.
So the narcissist may dismiss your illness, and imply you’re making it up. Or get so jealous, they fabricate their own “illness” to compete. Selfishly taking back the attention they feel is rightfully there’s. Despite their partner being the one in need.
Your Money And Possessions
Some narcissists are focussed on money and possessions. And see this as a barometer of how great they are. So if they see you with wealth, it may trigger jealousy.
They may tear down your achievements. Claim you cheated in some way. Or imply you’re not as successful as you make out. They may even comment that you’re an arrogant show off!
The narcissist may become obsessed with your success. And talk and think about it all the time. When they should be focusing on building their own.
Promotions At Work
Narcissists can be incredibly jealous of people who get promoted at work. Especially if they were knocked back for the same job.
Rather than wish the successful candidate well, they may quietly seethe to themselves. Or worse still, blow up publicly.
If the narcissist lacks control, then they may explode at work. Creating a huge scene. And accuse the company of favouritism. Throwing their toys out the pram.
If they manage to keep themselves from raging, they may try to bring their “rival” down. By constantly criticising them. And reporting them to their superiors. Making their work life a living hell.
Their Children
Sadly, some narcissists stoop to feeling jealous of their children. And may sabotage them. When they should be wanting the best for them.
The narcissist may be jealous because their children are younger and more attractive. Jealous of their achievements. Or even jealous that their children aren’t yet burdened with adult responsibilities.
The narcissist parent may tell their children how ugly they are. Ridicule their achievements. Or complain how hard they have to work to keep them. Like the child chose to be born!
The narcissists jealousy towards their own children, shows there’s no limits to their envy. Because they brought their children into this world. And should want the best for them.
Moving On From Them
When a relationship with a narcissist ends, they expect you to be devastated. No matter how they treated you, or how it ended.
Narcissists can’t help but feel jealous if you move on and thrive without them. Because in their mind, it shows they’re not as great as they think they are. Because you should be crying yourself to sleep every night.
Moving on may include another relationship. But not necessarily. They may also get jealous if you start going to the gym. Hanging out with friends. And leading a better life.
So the narcissist may try to sabotage you. Just to appease their jealousy.
They may spread false rumours, to smear your name. Act hostile towards you. Or try to win you back, so your new relationship fails.
To a narcissist, moving on and living a better life is a big slap in the face. And they can’t help but feel jealous of this. So if you’ve just come out of a narcissist relationship, you know what to do!
Final Thoughts
Narcissists get jealous over anything and everything. Although different narcissists get more triggered by things that are precious to them.
For example, some narcissists pride themselves on their looks. So if someone better looking comes by, they’re fiercely competitive. Other narcissists may pride themselves on their intelligence. So they’re triggered when someone shows more intellect. But they may not be too bothered if someone looks better than them.
Narcissists spend most of the time feeling jealous of one thing or another. But they usually hide it. At the same time, they want others to feel jealous of them. To validate how great they are.
So jealousy plays a major part in most narcissists lives. And whilst they use it as a weapon, it’s also one of their weaknesses. Because you can’t be better than everyone at everything. And deep down, they know this.
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After reading a lot of Jon’s articles in his website, I sure DON’T envy them. But I don’t want to be around them, either. I’m not qualified to give a diagnosis, but I did feel that she had issues.
If she really was, I can imaging her telling other people that I HAVE to be jealous because I didn’t like being in her company. Because she was younger. She liked to sing (and wanted people to admire her singing voice). One coworker told us she was envious of her because she was a Baby Boomer and missed out of being “footloose and fancy-free”. Her Traditionalist Gen parents probably wouldn’t have allowed that.
To count my blessing…I’m not as young as I used to be, but I was a late bloomer. My singing voice makes my dog howl, but I can write (but do envy people who can draw!). I have a stable relationship and still going strong. As far as know now, she’s separated from her partner. I think she broke it off to have sex with other men. She liked to talk about her child and how good a mother (usually to the women who had kids).
I think that there’s one thing she envies about me. One time when she wanted to pretend to be nice (or get information about me to use later), she said that didn’t want to have children but her partner knocked her up. I overhead her complaining that her son had a lot of temper tantrums. My partner and I both were in agreement that we didn’t want kids and all our dogs have been a delight.
It’s amazing what narcissists can get jealous of. I’ve heard of them getting jealous when someone’s parent died, because of the inheritance!