As you probably know, narcissists need huge amounts of attention and validation. Which is also known as narcissistic supply. This bolsters their delusions of superiority, and props up their false façade. But when supply is threatened or taken away, they may experience a narcissistic collapse.
Narcissists spend a huge amount of time and energy creating and nurturing their superior false self. Which protects them from feeling weak and vulnerable. But sadly for them, it’s just a veneer.
Narcissists focus so much on developing their false self, they neglect their real self. Leaving them weak and vulnerable inside. So once their false self is threatened, they have little to fall back on.
Narcissists hope to convince themselves and others that they’re superior. And psychologically they need this to keep their false superior identity alive. So if something happens that reveals either to themselves or others that they’re ordinary, then they may suffer a narcissistic collapse.
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What A Narcissistic Collapse Looks Like
Narcissistic collapses are like a sudden emotional fall from grace. The high-flying, untouchable persona that the narcissist carefully cultivated comes crashing down. Leaving them feeling exposed and vulnerable. Here’s some signs that someone may be suffering a narcissistic collapse…
- Deep Despair Or Depression: Without their usual sources of admiration and validation, the narcissist may feel like they’re nothing. Which can trigger intense feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and even self-loathing. So the once cocky narcissist may suddenly appear down and beaten.
- Extreme Anger Or Rage: Narcissists may lash out when their self-image is threatened. This can range from verbal outbursts to physical aggression, as they desperately try to regain control.
- Withdrawal Or Isolation: The narcissist may isolate to avoid people seeing them in their vulnerable state. So they may isolate to avoid further damage to their self-image.
- Increase In Risky Behaviours: The narcissist may drink more, take drugs, or gamble, in an attempt to self sooth. But obviously this can make things worse.
- Self Harming: Some narcissists engage in self harming. Particularly if they have borderline traits.
- Suicidal Thoughts And Behaviours: In extreme cases, narcissistic collapses can lead to suicidal ideation. They may feel that ending their life is the only way to escape their intense emotional pain.
Narcissistic Collapse Triggers
A narcissistic collapse can happen for a many reasons. It usually begins when something challenges the narcissist’s carefully curated reality. These triggers include…
- Criticism: Narcissists struggle handling criticism, no matter how constructive. To them, criticism feels like an attack on their identity. So they may react with intense anger, or despair. Even if the criticism was intended to help, such as an appraisal at work.
- Rejection: Narcissists may feel shattered if someone ends a friendship or relationship with them. Not because they mourn the loss. But because it shows they’re not as great as they though they were.
- Failure Or Loss Of Status: When narcissists fail to maintain their image of success or superiority, it can lead to a loss of control over how others perceive them. Which can shake their self-worth to the core. So if their business goes under, they may feel the loss of their self worth more than the loss of their business.
- Exposing Their True Self: If a narcissist’s flaws, vulnerabilities, or manipulative behaviours are exposed, they may experience extreme embarrassment and shame. They’re often horrified if they’re publicly known as narcissists. Because this harms future opportunities to gain attention and validation.
- Feeling Unimportant Or Invisible: Narcissists depend on attention to feel validated. If they suddenly feel ignored or insignificant, then a narcissistic collapse may follow. This is why ignoring narcissists is usually the best way to defeat them. It’s their Kryptonite!
What Happens Next?
Narcissistic collapses are not always permanent. After a collapse, the narcissist may go through a few different stages…
- Rebuild Their Façade: After the emotional storm passes, some narcissists attempt to rebuild their persona. They may seek new sources of validation. Act like nothing happened. Or even move to a new area and start again.
- A Change In Behaviour: In some cases, the narcissist might become more self-reflective after a collapse. They may try to make amends, or change their behaviour. However this usually only happens if they’re backed into a corner by circumstances or people. It’s rarely driven by genuine self-awareness. And they almost always return to type, once the dust settles.
- A Reaffirmed Cycle: Some narcissists continually cycle through this pattern of collapse and rebuild. Each time their self-image is threatened, they collapse, but they don’t learn from it. Instead, they reinforce the same toxic patterns of seeking validation and avoiding vulnerability.
Why Narcissistic Collapses Are So Devastating
Narcissistic collapses go beyond hurt feelings. They’re an assault on the narcissist’s sense of self.
Since their self-worth is built on external validation, any disruption feels like a complete loss of identity. Because their identity is tied to confirming their superior false self. So they’re often left feeling terrified, overwhelmed, and destabilized.
Final Thoughts
Narcissistic collapses aren’t usually one-time events. They’re often part of a narcissist’s ongoing struggle with their inner fragility. Some may recover quickly by reasserting their superiority, or finding new sources of validation. Others may continue to experience cycles of collapse and rebuild, never addressing the root causes of their self-esteem issues.
Ultimately the path to healing is difficult and requires self-reflection, intense therapy, and a willingness to change. But sadly, most narcissists don’t consistently put in the work for permanent change.
Narcissistic collapses reveal the cracks in a persona that was never as strong as it appeared. Their façade is built on a foundation of delusions, lies, and willing enablers. And deep down they know it.
With such shaky foundations, it’s no wonder they’re liable to collapse into despair. Because ultimately they’ve built themselves on a pack of lies. And unfortunately for them, reality persists, no matter what they do.
Please CLICK HERE For Why Narcissists Criticise Others So Much