The purpose of this article isn’t to find things to deliberately wind up narcissists. It’s to discuss things that typically annoy narcissists. So that once you understand how they think, you can avoid conflict and drama for yourself. What’s the point of deliberately winding someone up if you’re gonna to be on the receiving end?
Many people have no option but to spend time with narcissists. They could be in your workplace, or in your family for example. Learning the things that annoy them helps you navigate their difficult personalities. And allows you to avoid things that set them off.
Here’s some things I’ve noticed that annoys most narcissists…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Telling Them What To Do
Although narcissists like bossing others around, they don’t like to be bossed around themselves. Narcissists see themselves as powerful and omnipotent. And they like to be in control of situations.
If you want them to do something, it’s best to ASK them in a way that doesn’t bruise their ego. For instance, if you want them to wear a mask in the workplace, saying “You have to wear a face mask in here” might be met with hostility. Because the narcissist will be thinking, “Who are you to tell me what to do? I don’t HAVE to do anything.”
It’s likely to go down much better if you ask, “Are you OK wearing a face mask in here? It helps protect you as well as others.”
In this example you’re ASKING them to wear a face mask. Not telling them. And you’re giving them the respect of explaining why. And showing that you care for them too.
The narcissist feels much happier saying “Yes I don’t mind wearing a face mask”, because they were asked, and THEY ultimately made the decision. Or at least they think they did.
Forgetting About Them
Most narcissists HATE being forgotten about. In their mind it means they’re insignificant. And this contradicts their delusional belief that the whole universe revolves around them. This incongruence stirs up strong feelings, because narcissists like to maintain their delusions.
If you arrange to phone them, meet them etc., do it at the agreed time. If something goes wrong, let them know ahead of time. If you forget, or are late, they may take this as a huge insult. Potentially leading to drama and conflict. Any promise you make, try your best to fulfil it.
Narcissists are often unreliable themselves. But they don’t see the hypocrisy in expecting more from you. When you know a narcissist, it’s YOU that has to be the bigger person.
If a narcissist tells you they like two sugars in their coffee, try to remember this for next time. Whilst forgetting may not offend them that much, they’ll be warmer if they notice you remember little things like that. It shows them they matter. And that means a lot to most narcissists.
Raining On Their Parade
If a narcissist considers themselves skilled or knowledgeable in a certain area, they may become competitive if you display knowledge or skills in this same area.
For instance, if they consider themselves good at art, then expect them to put down your “lame attempt” at art. Even if you’re as good as them, or better.
Narcissists seem to have 2 or 3 areas where they believe they’re the best. And become particularly angry and competitive if they feel challenged in any way. For instance my ex considered herself a good singer. Any time I sang, she would put down my supposed awful singing. Even if I was just messing about.
A narcissist friend of mine would become angry and competitive if I ever talked about Buddhism. Because in her mind, she was the expert, not me. So I stopped talking Buddhism around her. It just wasn’t worth it.
If you can recognise what they consider “their” area of expertise, you can learn to avoid it when around them. Whilst this isn’t ideal, it beats getting dragged into a competitive and heated argument.
Being Laughed At
Whilst the narcissist may be happy laughing at your misfortunes, they don’t see the funny side when the tables are turned.
If the narcissist trips up, then it’s usually best to ask if they’re OK. If they laugh at it themselves, then it may be OK for a little chuckle WITH them. But if not, try to keep it in.
Narcissists like to be seen as perfect. So they often have a humour bypass if the joke’s on them. The same thing they laughed about you yesterday, could make them blow up today, if it happened to them.
Not Accepting Gifts
Occasionally narcissists do thoughtful things, and they might buy you a gift. Narcissists are incredibly sensitive souls, and hate being vulnerable. And in their mind, buying you a gift leaves them vulnerable.
Narcissists can become angry if you turn down a gift. For example they buy you a t-shirt, and you say “No thanks, I don’t like that colour.”
To a narcissist, this is a slap in the face. They went out their way for you, and you rudely rejected them. And this type of thing may anger them for days. “You think you’re better than me?”
In this scenario, it’s usually better to graciously accept the gift, even if you don’t wear it. Just pop it on occasionally when you know they’re going to be about!
Final Thoughts
When dealing with narcissists, you have to be the bigger person. They often have a different set of rules for themselves, as they have for others. Whilst they may laugh when you trip over, they don’t see the funny side when the shoe’s on the other foot.
Narcissists are incredibly sensitive. And harbour delusions of superiority they desperately cling to. Any challenge to their superiority is often met with hostility.
Narcissists are not easy to deal with. And to get on, you have to take into account their unique characteristics.
Narcissists are like big kids. You have to treat them gently, and be careful not to offend them. Even though you’re unlikely to get the same respect in return.
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While I thought this article was apot on, I was a bit confused at the tone. I don’t want to work with or nor help myself to get along with a Narcissist. The ones I’ve been exposed to are abusive. I mean are there any nice ones?
How nice they are usually depends on your relationship with them. If they’re not too close and they want to impress you, then they may be OK. The problems usually arise when you get close to them.
Sometimes we have no choice but to interact with them. Like at work for example. If you can make it at least tolerable, then you’re doing well!
In my experience, if you have to be around a narcissist or psychopath, the safest course of action is to do everything you can to ensure they remain indifferent towards you. If you accommodate them too much, they may become obsessed with you and take advantage of you ~ and you don’t want any close relationship with a narcissist, romantic, platonic, or professional. They WILL screw you over, and showing them kindness and understanding gives them an in-road to take advantage of your generosity and compassion.
On top of this, you really don’t want the narcissist to hate you, because they form intense, seething grudges, and will stop at nothing to ruin things for you. If you can stay in the background of their life and not attract their attention, that’s the safest way to deal with them.
I am in the process of divorcing a narcissis after 18 years.and the he’ll uve lived.for 17 years everyone including myself thought he worshipped the ground I walked on.up till a year ago
When I realize my life is and had been nothing but a lie after lie.and screwing around Lord only knows how many how long even in my home.I am trying g to pick up the pieces if the life he destroyed as I watch everything in my lifetime dreams be sold or given away.amd just keep asking myself how did I not see this?peopke RUN if you cross paths with one
They are cons.save yourself.they will break you.no matter who you are
Plan evil.