It helps to distinguish between ghosting and no contact. Because narcissists blur the lines between them. And use their similarities to either defend their toxic behaviours, or attack you.
Understanding the difference between ghosting and no contact helps you deal with narcissists. Because you’re pre-prepared for this confusing manipulation.
Before we delve into how narcissists manipulate the similarities, here’s a quick description of ghosting and no contact…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Ghosting
Ghosting is when someone completely withdraws communication. And disappears from someone’s life. With no explanation of what’s going on.
Narcissists typically ghost people to punish them. Or they may ghost someone because they’ve found a new supply. And can’t be bothered ending their current relationship.
So narcissists ghost to either deliberately hurt someone. Or as a consequence of their selfish behaviour. There’s no positive intent.
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
No Contact
No contact is a response to your peace being disturbed. If someone brings toxicity to your life, and won’t leave you alone, then no contact is often the best policy.
When you no contact a narcissist, it’s best to withdraw ALL communication. So you may change your phone number. Block them on social media. And avoid places they go.
If the harassment is extreme, it may be worth moving house. And even changing jobs. Because some narcissists are known to stalk. Causing worry and misery for months, even years.
The Similarities
There’s obvious similarities between no contact and ghosting. They both involve stopping contact and communication with someone. And on the surface they can appear the same.
However, ghosting and no contact are poles apart. Especially when you consider the motivations of each…
The Differences Between Ghosting And No Contact
People usually go no contact to preserve their peace. And are pushed into it, for the sake of their sanity.
Narcissists bring toxicity. And once they ingrain themselves into someone’s life, they’re difficult to remove. Because if the narcissist has something to gain, they don’t let go easily.
Narcissists may force themselves into your life by stalking and harassing. Because this still gives them attention and supply. So it leaves people with little choice but to either tolerate them, or go no contact.
Ghosting, on the other hand, is not about preserving peace. It’s about hurting the other person, by removing your presence. And it’s one of the tactics narcissists use to punish people.
Narcissists aren’t pushed into ghosting. They WANT to ghost. Because it serves a selfish need. It’s nothing to do with self preservation. They either want to hurt someone, or they’re reckless with the pain it inflicts.
How Narcissists Blur The Lines
Narcissists blur the lines between ghosting and no contact, for their own benefit. And here’s how they do it…
If you no contact a narcissist, they may accuse you of ghosting them. As if you’re deliberately trying to hurt them. Neglecting to consider that their behaviour pushed you to no contact them.
This may cause empathetic people to question themselves. And cease the no contact. Because they’re tricked into thinking they’re being toxic and hurtful. And sadly this lets the narcissist back into their life.
Flipping things round, if the narcissist is ghosting someone, they may claim they’re no contacting, to preserve their peace. Giving them justification for their hurtful action. Even though that person hasn’t harmed them.
If they manage to convince someone their ghosting is no contact, it allows them to repeatedly use this form of punishment. Because they don’t realise the narcissist is deliberately hurting them. And they may feel guilty for pushing the narcissist to “no contact”. Which convinces them to keep taking the narcissist back, after each episode of ghosting.
In a nutshell, the narcissist may claim your no contact is ghosting, to regain access to you. Or they may claim their ghosting is no contact, to allow themselves to keep punishing you. But now you know the differences you know what they’re up to!
Final Thoughts
If someone brings toxicity into your life, you’re entitled to remove them and go no contact. Because it’s your life, and no one has a right to it. Even family, if they’re causing you harm.
On the other hand, you’re not obliged to let someone keep ghosting you either. Particularly if you find it distressing.
If someone repeatedly ghosts you, claiming it’s no contact, you don’t have to let them back into your life. And you can rationalise it this way…
If your behaviours are so harmful that someone is “forced” to keep ghosting you, then you’re doing them a favour by no contacting them. Because they’re free from your supposed toxic behaviours. So there shouldn’t be a problem, right?
You’re likely to find that narcissists get triggered if you don’t let them back in after their “no contact”. Because that wasn’t their plan. You were supposed to pine for their return. Then welcome them back with open arms, when they decide to show up.
This confirms that the narcissist didn’t want to remove you from their life. They were ghosting you, not going no contact.
If they were no contacting you, then they should see your withdrawal as a positive. But they don’t. Because deep down they know their plan has back fired. And you’ve switched their ghosting into no contact. And took back control.
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