After a narcissist relationship, many people go through the “Angry Stage” of healing. They’re angry at the narcissist, for wasting their time. Angry at their enablers. And perhaps most significantly, they’re angry at themselves.
It’s natural to be angry. Because the narcissist held you back for so long. And made life a living hell. But you must be kind to yourself.
Yes you were duped. But who knew that someone would be capable of living a complete lie? Someone who had such a lack of empathy that they never really cared about you. Despite spending years with you? I certainly didn’t!
We’re taught that there’s good in everyone. That we should be forgiving, and make relationships work. And if we’re in a fight, it takes two to tango. Implying that you must have contributed to the problems.
But these rules don’t apply to narcissists. They lack empathy. And feel entitled to take from others. A good healthy relationship is practically impossible with them.
It doesn’t always take two to tango. Not when it comes to narcissists. They go from relationship to relationship, taking as much they can. And abusing as much as they can get away with. It has nothing to do with their partners actions.
It’s highly likely you’re not their first, and you won’t be their last. Which shows they’re at fault, not you.
Narcissists often play our anger against us. They use “reactive abuse”, where they wind you up. Then play the victim when you finally snap. Making it seem like you are the abuser. This (amongst other things) gets us in the habit of suppressing our anger. And years of this builds up inside.
So let your anger out in healthy ways. Be assertive, rather than rage. Write down your thoughts in a journal. Speak to a trusted friend. Do some intense exercise. And it soon passes.
Think of your behaviour in terms of passive, aggressive, and assertive. Narcissists coax us into a passive state. Where we suppress ourselves to appease them. Until eventually anger bursts out. Aim to be assertive, where you’re open about your feelings, in a calm and rational way. You say what you need to say, but without exploding with rage.
When you want to calm down, take ten slow deep breaths in through your nose, and slowly out through your mouth. This is incredibly effective for immediate calming. Try it right now!
Meditation is also great for restoring calm. Please check out this simple guided meditation if want a head start…
Remember, be kind to yourself. You was looking for love, which most of us are. And someone deliberately hijacked this natural drive, for their own selfish means. THEY are the ones at fault, not you.
Many people are angry at the time lost. And mourn the fact that they can’t get it back. But here’s how I look at it…
In one sense it’s true, you can’t get back that time. But obsessing over it won’t help. In fact it makes things worse, because the narcissist is making you suffer from afar. So let it go. Don’t let them beat you down.
In another sense, you CAN get that time back. Think of it like this… If you spent years wearing metal boots, you feel more weary. But you also grow stronger. And when you eventually remove them, your legs feel lighter and bouncier than ever before. So you feel the benefits once you’re released.
Now you’re free, the boots are off. And life is easier and more enjoyable. Because you’re used to a worse situation. So you can be MORE happy over the simple things in life, than you would have been previously.
Without the burden that you grew used to, you can do more with your life. Think of it like this… if you managed to do anything with the narcissist around, imagine what you can achieve without them!
Be as positive as you can. Yes, you’ll have bad days. But now you’re free, you have the chance to do things you couldn’t before. Plus you don’t have the drain of catering to their needs all the time.
Live your best life, and get out there and do things. Take baby steps at first, if necessary. And grow from there.
The best revenge is to thrive as much as possible without them. Narcissists hate this. Because it shows they’re not as great as they think they are.
Narcissists want to see you broken and miserable without them. They want you pining for their return. Because this validates their supposed “greatness”. And that’s all that matters to them.
So be happy. Live life to the fullest. Get fit, active, and alive. Because not only is this best for you, it’s the biggest slap in the face you can possibly deliver!
Please CLICK HERE For How To Thrive After A Narcissist Relationship
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