As you’re probably aware, narcissists wear masks. And reveal their narcissistic side to some people more than others. Depending on what they want, and the type of relationship.

Romantic partners usually experience the lions share of their narcissism. And their friends typically less.

This makes it possible to have narcissist friends, without knowing it. Especially if you’re not so close to them.

Usually, the closer you get to narcissists, the more narcissism they reveal. Because it’s harder to pretend you’re someone you’re not, when you hang out a lot. Plus they think you’re more attached to them, the more you see them. So they reason they can relax, and let out some of their narcissism. Without you running for cover.

It’s useful to identify narcissist friends. As it gives you options, once you know what you’re dealing with. You may choose to keep them at arms length. So they’re less likely to display as much narcissistic behaviour. Or you can steer clear of them altogether.

Here’s the signs to look out for, if you suspect your friend is a narcissist…

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They Only Do What THEY Want To Do

I’ve had several narcissist friends throughout the years. And the most common trait I’ve noticed is that they only do things THEY want to do. And they try to control everything you do together.

When you suggest something to do, they usually decline. But they expect you to facilitate them in everything they want to do. Even if it’s clear it’s not something you’re interested in. And if by some miracle they do agree to one of your suggestions, they usually change something about it, to take back control.

Narcissists often use friends to accompany them to places they want to go. As they don’t like doing things alone. But they don’t return the favour, and do the things their friends want to do.

After a while, you get used to this dynamic. And stop suggesting things. Because you know that they won’t take you up on it. So the friendship becomes one-sided. Where they contact you when they need someone to go with them somewhere. But when you want to go somewhere, you go alone.

They Expect You To Go To Their Place

Narcissist friends usually expect you to go to their place. But are reluctant to visit you. (Unless they don’t have a home that can facilitate guests).

Narcissists lack empathy. So they don’t think about your point of view, only their own. Which leads them to think that it’s easier if you visit them. Which it is… for them! They don’t think about fairly sharing this out. And visiting you every now and then.

Narcissists also like to be in control. So they prefer you to enter their kingdom. Then they feel more in charge.

Complain About Their Partner All The Time

Narcissists have no real loyalty. Which is why they’re comfortable complaining about their partner.

Yes, we all gripe about our partners from time to time. But narcissists do this to extremes. Especially if it’s a long established relationship. And you may be left wondering why they stay with their partner, if they’re as bad as they say.

You may notice that things don’t add up with their complaints. For example, they may talk about their partner in the most demeaning way. Then a few days, say they’re getting married.

This is because narcissists lack whole object constancy. So they see people as “all good”, or “all bad”. Depending on if they’ve done something they like or not. So the narcissists partner may be the love of their life one minute, then their mortal enemy the next.

Narcissists often complain about their partners to save face. By constantly complaining, they establish that they’re too good for their partner. So no one can judge them for their choice. Remember, narcissists have delusions of grandiosity. So in their mind, no one is truly worthy of them.

Their Life Is Full Of Conflict

Another clue a friend is a narcissist is if their life is full of conflict. And they regularly fall out with friends, family, work colleagues, etc.

Narcissists never accept blame for fall outs. Instead they paint a picture of the whole world being against them. And them the poor victim. But unless they’re very unlucky in life, this is unlikely to be true.

Another clue is that they keep spending time with the same people they keep falling out with. Rather than keep them at arms length. Giving the impression that this is how relationships typically work for them.

You Find It Difficult Saying No To Them

Even though the narcissist may be pleasant, you find it more difficult saying no to them than you do other people. And there’s a couple of reasons why…

Narcissists hate the word no. They expect you to do as you’re told. But even though they may hide this attitude, you sense it. And your gut feelings sense they’re quietly seething when you say no. So you feel uncomfortable turning them down in the future.

On top of this, most narcissists deliberately make it difficult to say no. They don’t ask in a permissive way. Or add caveats, such as “You don’t have to, but would you like to…”. They usually TELL you, “Let’s go to that restaurant tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 7”.

Narcissists don’t care what you want to do. Whether you’re busy or tired. Or anything else you might have going on. They expect you to drop everything, and accompany them, whenever and wherever.

A good friend, with healthy levels of empathy, doesn’t want a friend doing something they’re not comfortable doing. So they make sure you’re genuinely on board. And they certainly don’t apply pressure to coerce you into agreement.

They Disappear Then Reappear

Narcissist friends often disappear for weeks, even months, then turn up out the blue. And suddenly expect to see you every day.

Narcissists use people, rather than have genuine relationships with them. So if they’re getting attention elsewhere, you’re quickly forgotten. And they may disappear for a while.

However when this attention dries up, they’re back. And expect you to drop everything, and be available for them again. As if your life is on hold, waiting for when they need you.

They Only Contact You When They Want Something

This can be difficult to spot. Because narcissists need attention most of the time. So they often contact friends under the guise of wanting to spend time with them. When really they just need a body to give them attention.

So they may never check how you’re doing. Or do things such as call you on your birthday. Because there’s no benefit to themselves. But suddenly, they miss their friend when they’re bored.

Some narcissists use their friends as ATM machines. And expect them to lend them money. Or do other favours for them, such as give them lifts, or even help with house work. They hope to get you so involved, that you feel responsible for them.

Feels Like They’re Not Listening To You

Narcissists are better talkers than listeners. And you may sense they’re not always listening to you.

They may stare into the distance when you talk. Give generic answers, that don’t confirm they’ve heard you. And if they’re particularly blasé, they may flat out ignore you when you speak.

Narcissists believe that they’re superior. And that what they say is of vital importance to everyone. Whereas what you talk about, is trivial.

So conversations with narcissists mostly involve them talking, and you listening. And the subject is almost always about them, or something they’re interested in.

Final Thoughts

Narcissist don’t want mutually beneficial relationships. They want people to use, and give them attention. And they often have different friends to serve different needs.

They may have a friend they get drunk with. Another friend who lends them money. Another who gives good advice, etc.

Narcissists sometimes try to shoehorn friends into being what they want them to be. So if they haven’t got a friend they can get drunk with, they may coerce someone to fulfil this role.

Friendships are supposed to be two-way. Not someone mining resource from someone else, whilst giving little in return. So if you’re in a friendship like this, you’ve got to question what you’re getting from the deal, and whether it’s worth continuing.

If you’d like some more signs that’s indicate someone’s a narcissist, please check out the following article…

Please CLICK HERE For Some Subtle Signs Someone’s A Narcissist

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Subtle Signs Someone’s A Narcissist