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You may think you’re missing the narcissist, but you’re probably not.
You may miss someone being there for you. And being part of a relationship. But narcissists aren’t there for you. And they’re not proper relationships. They’re one-sided affairs, and they’re in it for themselves.
The narcissists mission is to take as much as they can, whilst giving as little as possible. So they actually drain you. Rather than give you anything meaningful.
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If you still feel you’re missing them, then you’re probably actually missing their false self. This is the person that pretended to be nice. That faked being your ideal partner, when love bombing you at the start. And “nice” when they sensed they’ve pushed you too far.
Narcissists spend years honing their façade. To draw people in for supply. Their real self is cold and uncaring. The person who ignored you in your time of need. Who stuck the boot in when you were down. And made you question your sanity.
Many people are fooled into thinking the narcissists nice act is who they are. And it’s a blip when they’re narcissistic. But it’s the complete opposite.
Narcissists know what they’re doing. And not only do they want to take from you, they also want to treat as badly as they can get away with. But without quite pushing you away.
Narcissists need attention like we need air. So they want to abuse you as much as possible, without you leaving. Because otherwise they’d have to find new supply. Which takes time and energy. So they aim to push you just bellow your limit.
If they sense they pushed you too much, they may retreat back to the nice act for a while. To keep you sweet. So you stick around, giving them supply.
Narcissists lack emotional empathy. So they never truly connect on an emotional level. Which means they don’t feel your pain. Or share your joy. So they’re not capable of giving you the loving connection you need and deserve.
The narcissist may claim they’ve changed. And may even provide evidence of this. But it’s almost always a ruse to win you back. And once they’ve achieved this, they revert back to type. Often worse than last time.
As I said earlier, narcissists treat you as badly as they can get away with. So if you take them back, it’s a green light to treat you badly. Because in their mind it means you’re OK with their past abuses. Or why else would you take them back?
Once their feet are firmly back under the table, they’re likely to treat you worse than before. And many victims of narcissist relationships confirm this. So if last time was bad, think what it’ll be like next time.
You may be lonely. Or missing that vital connection. But believe me, this is better than taking a narcissist back. Because at least you have control over your life. And the space to find someone more deserving of you.
Narcissists stop you meeting caring empathetic people. Because their demands take up most of your time and energy. And they often isolate their partners. So you have little chance to meet new people who might actually care about you.
Take time to work on yourself. Join a gym. Enrol in a class. Take up new hobbies.
This massively boosts your confidence and self esteem. Helps you grow as a person. And gives you the chance to meet like-minded people. And who knows, you may meet someone who’s actually capable of a genuine loving relationship. And if not, you’re still giving yourself love and care. Which is more than you can expect from a narcissist.
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