Narcissists spend a lot of time plotting and planning. And it’s usually about how to gain the most from people around them. Whilst giving away as little as possible.

Narcissists usually want people to provide attention and favours. And they’ll try every trick to get what they want.

Narcissists aren’t concerned about your wants or needs. They see you as someone to facilitate theirs. So you sometimes need to out smart the narcissist, just to get a sniff of something resembling fairness. Fight fire with fire.

Once you learn some basic strategies to out smart narcissists, you can level up the playing field. At least to some degree.

Here’s some simple but effective ways to help you out smart a narcissist…

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Stay Calm

Probably the best piece of advice when dealing with a narcissist, is to remain calm. Narcissists don’t play fair. And if they’re in the wrong, they don’t want a calm and rational conversation about it. And they don’t want to find a peaceful and fair resolution either.

The narcissist wants to win. And they want things to remain heavily weighted in their favour. So they don’t want a fair examination into what they’re up to.

When they sense they might “lose”, narcissists often turn it into a messy argument. With aggression and name calling. And they usually do this deliberately.

The narcissist knows that if things descend into a bar room brawl, then nothing gets resolved. There might be a lot of name calling and pushing and shoving. Their may be tears. And there may be apologies later. But the issue you raised will be lost in the midst of battle.

So remain calm, and keep your mind on the issue you were discussing. And calmly return to this issue when the narcissist pulls you away from it.

The narcissist may provoke you by bringing up things they know upset you. Or change the subject to something you’ve done wrong in the past. Just know at this point you’re winning.

The narcissist is looking for a way out of the argument. Because they know they’re wrong. If they were right, they’d happily grind your nose into the dirt. And talk about it until the end of time.

So calmly return back to the original issue, when they pull you away from it. And don’t let them wind you up!

Please CLICK HERE For How To Avoid Rising To A Narcissist’s Bait

The Seven Deadly Sins

The seven deadly sins are pride, greed, envy, lust, gluttony, wrath, and sloth. And most of these can be used to out smart a narcissist. All you need to do is find a way to use these things against them.

A car salesman may have an easy job selling a car to a narcissist, if he can prey on their pride. “Doesn’t someone as successful as you deserve a car like this?!” And possibly their envy too, “Why should they have a better car than you?”

If you’re tired of following a narcissist around on a night out, you can convince them to go somewhere of your choice, “All the women will love you in here.”

A compliment often gets you a long way with a narcissist. And can effectively be used to gain compliance. “You’re so much better at this than me.”

If you can find a way to appeal to one of the seven deadly sins, then you have a good chance of gaining a narcissists attention. And their compliance too.

Different narcissists have different motivations. Some might be motivated by pride, whereas others are more motivated by lust. Find the ones that most appeal to the individual, and you’re probably on to a winner.

Ask Yourself What’s In It For Them

Narcissists are so self absorbed, that most things they do are aimed at benefiting themselves in some way. Even when it’s dressed up as helping someone else. Narcissists like to take advantages for themselves wherever they can. So when a narcissist approaches you with any sort of request, ask yourself “what’s in it for them?”

I’m particularly suspicious when a narcissist wants to help someone else, or expresses concern for someone. For instance, a narcissist might ask you for someone’s phone number because they’re worried about them. Ask yourself why they really might want their phone number.

Narcissists don’t normally sit around and ponder how they can help others. Their thoughts are directed on how they can help themselves. So there’s usually some ulterior motive when they want to help someone.

The ulterior motive may be something relatively harmless, like wanting some attention. But it could be something more serious. So always look at what they stand to gain from anything they do.

I remember a narcissist once asking me if I could contact her husband about memories from the past every now and then. She explained that he doesn’t have many people to reminisce about the past with any more. Something didn’t quite feel right about this request, but at first I couldn’t put my finger on what she was up to.

After some thought, the penny dropped. The narcissist didn’t want him to get in touch with his sister. They lost touch soon after she came on the scene. And he’d been thinking of getting back in touch with her, since their mum had only recently passed away.

The narcissist was encouraging people to contact him about memories from the past. Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the surface, the aim was to keep him from reconnecting with his sister.

Please CLICK HERE For Why Narcissists Are Often Open To Manipulation

Be Self Depreciating

Learning to be self depreciating is a great tool for helping you out smart a narcissist. Narcissists like to dish out subtle digs. And these grow less subtle the more you accept them, and the more they think they bother you. But instead of reacting and playing into their hands, you could try this…

Agree with them! Join in the joke. Add to the name calling, and continue the joke. If you do this in a way where you appear to genuinely enjoy the attention, you quickly de-power the narcissist. They don’t want to give away the spotlight to you. And once they realise they can’t get to you with name calling, they soon give up.

The narcissist may pretend the names they call you are jokes. But they don’t like it when you play along with it and don’t appear hurt.

Remember, They Probably Underestimate You

As you’re probably aware, narcissists usually over estimate their own intelligence. And underestimate everyone else’s. This can lead to them using strategies you can easily see through. Almost like a young child, trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

So don’t be fooled into thinking they couldn’t possibly think such a simple trick will work. Because whilst you’re expecting something sophisticated and intelligent, you could miss one their basic traps. So don’t over estimate them too much!

Be Kind To Others

Be kind to others. Even if they don’t appear to have any power or influence. Because things may change. Plus people see how you treat those around you, and people talk.

Narcissists tend to treat those above them well. But those beneath them…not-so-well. By treating everyone well, you gain a significant advantage over the narcissist.

The narcissist often tries to bully or intimidate people to get them on side. Some people see through their games. And don’t trust them or warm to them. If you treat people well, they’re more likely to side with you, should you need them.

Narcissists usually think that people will automatically side with them because of how amazing they are. And they might have some success gaining backup from people they bully. But if they treat people badly, then not many people will want them to prosper.

Narcissists play all sorts of games to gain unfair advantages over others. They might lie or exaggerate things you’ve done wrong. Or bad mouth you to make things appear to be your fault. If you keep people on side, then they’re much less likely to fall for the narcissists shenanigans. And hopefully they’ll believe you when the narcissist is trying to cause trouble with you.

Keep Them At Arms Length

If you want to keep a narcissist behaving reasonably well, then it’s often wise to keep them at arms length. By this I mean, don’t get too close to them.

When a narcissist gets close to someone, that’s when the games usually begin. The narcissist believes you’ve now fallen for their charms and can’t live without them. So they no longer need to impress you and treat you well. So they slip into their narcissistic ways.

If you don’t get too close to the narcissist, then you can enjoy them at their best. Where they’re trying to impress you, and they want you to like them.

Narcissists desperately want to be liked and admired. And if they’re not sure where they stand with you, they usually try harder to win your approval.

So if they call around more often, and they look like they’re starting to take you for granted, make your excuses and dial things back a little. If you only see them occasionally, they’re more likely to treat you better.

Final Thoughts

I’m not advocating these tactics as a means of bullying narcissists. But as a way of holding your own. Most narcissists don’t play fair, and sometimes you need to fight fire with fire, just to level the playing field.

Narcissists will take over your life and take advantage of you if you let them. And they’ll make you feel useless and inferior if they get their way.

By learning how to out smart a narcissist, you can reclaim some power. Because a narcissist will never willingly hand you any power.

Keep your distance as best you can, and stay on your toes. Narcissists are always looking to out smart you. Accept this and observe their behaviours with an element of suspicion. Because they’re looking to take from you as much as they can, whilst giving you as little as possible. So if you don’t want to be taken advantage of, stay alert.

Please CLICK HERE For The Common Mind Games Narcissists Play

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The Mind Games Narcissists Play