Whether you’re friends, colleagues, or lovers, narcissists often drive a wedge between you and other people. And there’s several reasons why they do this…

Narcissists want to be liked and admired. And they need power and control. So they often play people against each other. As this divides and conquers. And gives the narcissist more power and influence.

Narcissists also bait people into falling out, to confuse things. Allowing them to get away with more narcissistic behaviours and manipulations. Because when trouble flies from all directions, it’s difficult to know what’s going on, and who started it.

On top of this, narcissists also discredit people. And encourage others to distrust them. As this allows the narcissist to gain more favour. And it stops people believing them, if they reveal the narcissists bad behaviours.

Dividing people is an important tactic in most narcissists arsenals. So they develop many ways of achieving this. Here’s some of the common ways narcissists turn people against you…

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Reactive Abuse

Narcissists often use reactive abuse to convince people you’re crazy or unstable. This is where the narcissist pokes and prods, until you eventually snap. Then blames you for your reaction.

The narcissist may find something you’re sensitive about. It could be your weight. Your lack of academic success. Your job etc. Then they keep prodding.

The narcissist might provoke you for hours, even days. And you may stay calm throughout. But eventually, one insult is the straw that breaks the camels back. And if you’re unlucky, you explode in front of witnesses.

To outsiders, it may seem that you snapped at one “innocent joke”. And the narcissist encourages this perception. Holding their hands aloft, declaring “I only said…” Neglecting the other 9473 times they insulted you.

This creates the impression that you’re unreasonable, and unstable. And these aren’t qualities that keep you in favour with most people. And the narcissist may follow this up by spreading rumours about your mental fragility, when you’re not around to defend yourself.

Narcissists like to ruin the reputation of their former partners in particular. Because they know they’re likely to reveal their private persona, now they’re released from their shackles. So they try to discredit them, to nullify their claims. Narcissists are even known to discredit their partners BEFORE they split. In anticipation of what’s to come.

Narcissists Coax You To Criticise Others

Another trick I’ve seen narcissists use, is to encourage people to criticise others. Then report these criticisms.

The narcissist may put words in your mouth. Or talk bad about someone. And entice you to join in.

You may half agree with the narcissist, to keep the peace. And that’s enough. You said it. They can now report your “slander”. And technically they’re not lying.

The narcissist feels justified reporting your alleged criticisms. Even though they encouraged them, and put words in your mouth. Because they delude themselves that you did it on your own volition. And they’re only trying to help.

People obviously don’t like being criticised behind their backs. And if they believe the narcissist, it could spell the end of a friendship.

Narcissist Half Truths

Narcissists are experts at bending the truth just enough to fit the narrative they want. And they can twist something you said or did, to make it seem like you were hostile or critical. Even when you weren’t being.

They may describe in dramatic fashion something you said or did. And infer your “real” meanings. Or they may quote something you said, but in a much sharper tone than you delivered. Which gives it a whole new meaning.

Narcissists use these skills to turn people against you. And in their mind they’re justified. Because often they’re not technically lying. Even though they’re bending the truth, and causing trouble for their own ends.

Focus On And Exaggerate Your Flaws

Narcissists are experts at painting a picture of you being a bad person. And they sometimes do this by drawing attention to your flaws – and we all have them.

Narcissists highlight flaws in a dramatic way, that makes them seem much worse. And they usually embellish them with a sprinkle of artistic license.

The narcissist may repeatedly talk about your flaws, over and over. Drumming them into peoples minds. Until eventually, that’s all they see from you.

This leaves the impression that you’re a bad person. Simply because you’re not perfect. And it’s surprising how many people fall for it. Especially if they spend lots of time with the narcissist.

Blame Shifting

Narcissists may unintentionally turn people against you. And this is sometimes due to blame shifting.

The narcissist may blame you, when they’ve done something wrong. Not because they want to get you in trouble. But because they want to get themselves off the hook. You’re just collateral damage.

Narcissists have delusions of superiority. So they hate admitting mistakes. Because that would mean they’re less than perfect. So they often pass the blame, to take the heat from themselves.

Narcissists have little emotional empathy. So they don’t feel bad for dropping you in it. They just want to get away with what they did.

So blame shifting is a no-brainer for many narcissists. Because it keeps their reputation in tact. And they don’t care whether it causes you trouble with other people. Their only worry is getting caught.

Narcissist Gossiping

Some narcissists love to gossip. Because it gives them a sense of superiority, when pointing out peoples flaws and mistakes.

Narcissists feel a sense of comfort exposing others shortcomings. Because it takes attention away from their own. And it allows them to feel superior in the moment.

Gossiping narcissists may not intend to discredit people. Their aim may be to build themselves up. But it often knocks other people down. And the narcissist is reckless with this.

Narcissists are self absorbed. So they focus more on what they gain, rather than the harm they cause others. Allowing them to recklessly ruin other peoples reputation. Just for a quick boost.

If you know someone who gossips about everyone to you, then there’s a fair chance they also gossip about you to them. And whilst it may seem harmless, it can cause untold damage to your friendships and reputation.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists are always looking for unfair advantages. And these often come at the expense of others.

Rather than raise their game, and treat people better, most narcissists look to knock people down. To keep themselves in a dominant position. And to hide their own narcissistic behaviours.

It’s often the case that when a narcissist joins a harmonious family, they create divisions. Whilst making it seem like it’s everyone else’s fault. If this has happened to you, please check out the following article…

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How Narcissists Divide Families