It’s common for narcissists to smear ex partners. And once you understand how narcissists think, it’s not surprising.
Narcissists know that when you’re free from their clutches, you’ll talk. And reveal what they’re REALLY like. Because they no longer have you under their control, covering for them. And they don’t want this. Here’s why…
A big driver of most narcissist behaviours is narcissistic supply. Which is attention, adoration, and special treatment. Narcissists NEED narcissistic supply to prop up their fragile self esteem. And when they’re running low on supply, they psychologically crumble. And may fall into a deep depression.
So narcissists need people to keep them grounded. And most narcissists are smart enough to realise that they must be liked to keep people around, giving them supply. Which is why their public and private personas are often poles apart.
Narcissists don’t want people to know what they’re like in private. Because no one would go near them, and feed them supply. So they live in fear that the truth might get out.
To combat this, narcissists smear their ex partners to discredit them. To make them seem like THEY are problem. Then people doubt their story, if they reveal the narcissists true colours. And the narcissists reputation remain in tact. Which allows them to keep sourcing supply from people.
Narcissists are skilled at manipulation and smearing. And they have a big advantage, because this is the world they live in. Giving them more practice and experience.
To balance things out, and so you know their tricks, here’s how narcissists smear their ex partners…
Please Watch The Following Short Video to Aid Your Understanding…
Smear BEFORE The Relationship Ends
Some narcissists get in early, and smear their partners BEFORE the relationship ends. This may be because they sense a split is imminent. Or it could be part of a general insurance policy.
Some narcissists smear their partners no matter what. Because their relationships are always short lived. So they know they must be prepared.
Narcissists may “confide” in people about their partners supposed issues. And how unstable they are. Acting as if they’re concerned. When really they’re sowing the seeds.
Sadly, it’s easy to fall for the narcissists fake concerns. Because who’d make this up? You’d have to be crazy! And because the relationship is ongoing, there’s no obvious motive. So people assume the narcissist must be telling the truth.
Reactive Abuse
Narcissists may also use reactive abuse to bolster their smear. This is where they persistently wind up their partner about something they’re sensitive about. But subtly, and in front of others.
Eventually their partner snaps, and explodes at the narcissist…in front of witnesses. And the narcissist holds their hands aloft. As if they exploded for no reason.
The narcissist pretends this outburst came out the blue. And encourages this perception. Which appears crazy to onlookers.
The problem is that people don’t see the hundreds of times the narcissist mocked their partner, before they snapped. They only see the sudden reaction. And the narcissist uses this as “proof” that their partner is unstable, and can’t be trusted. Which is a really dirty trick when you think about it.
Get In Fast And Hard
Even if the narcissist didn’t pre-empt the split, it’s likely they beat their partner to the punch by smearing first.
When a narcissist relationship ends, most people are busy making sense of things. And healing from the psychological wounds the narcissist inflicted. So they largely keep themselves to themselves. Perhaps confiding in the odd close friend or family member.
Narcissists on the other hand, have nothing to recover from. Since they caused all the problems. So instead of using their time to heal, they go on the attack.
Narcissists whip out their megaphones, and tell everyone their side of the story. Indoctrinating their minds, with their version of the “truth”.
Narcissists may deliberately go out their way to contact people, or “accidentally” bump into them – just to smear you. Whereas most grown adults don’t think about the publicity game. They just want to recover and move on with their life.
This gives the narcissist the advantage. Because they’re willing and able to spread their message, well before their ex. Firmly planting the seeds in their minds. And sadly, many people fall for it. Because, like it or not, many people are easily influenced.
Flying Monkeys
Narcissists often have a team of flying monkeys, who side with them no matter what. And are willing to do their bidding.
These cheerleaders help the narcissist smear, by spreading the word far and wide. And because the narcissists words are spoken through others, it seems like everyone’s in agreement. Which builds a seemingly strong case against their ex.
Charm The Outside World
In general life, narcissists are quick to charm people around them. Like their neighbours, or people working in the local shop. And they create the impression that butter wouldn’t melt in their mouth.
Narcissists often bend over backwards to help people around them. But won’t lift a finger to help their loved ones. But the outside world doesn’t know this.
So they assume that the narcissist must be the perfect partner. Because if they treat people they barely know well, then they must be a saint at home.
Narcissists often picks partners who are quieter and less social than them. Plus they discourage them from talking to others. Using tactics such as feigned jealousy. Or accusations of affairs. All to stop them from talking to other people.
This creates the situation where people are more familiar with the narcissist. And because they play the nice act, they gain more trust. So when there’s conflicting stories about the narcissists behaviours, they’re more likely to believe the narcissists smears.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists intentionally smear their partners at the end of relationships. Whereas their partners don’t normally play these games.
This creates the impression that the narcissist must be right. And even if they fall short, most people conclude it must be 50/50. Which still gives the narcissist a pass.
Narcissists smears allow them to escape abusive relationships with their reputation in tact. Which enables them to repeat the process, and do the same thing, again, and again.
So be careful if you take sides during someone’s split. Particularly if they’re hyper keen to tell everyone how bad their ex was. Because you never know what went on behind closed doors. And if you get it wrong, you could be enabling more abuse, to more people.
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