If you’ve been close to a narcissist, then you may be familiar with feeling on edge around them. Yet you may not know exactly why.
When they walk into the room, your heart pounds. You see their name light up your phone, and your hand trembles as you reach to answer it.
When you don’t know about narcissism, it’s easy to dismiss these feelings, because you’ve no idea why you would feel like this. You may even feel guilty for your negative feelings towards them.
Conscientious people usually look inward for the answer. And wonder what’s wrong with them. Because they’re reluctant to blame others. So they miss the warning signs that scream at them to stay away from this person.
Narcissists WANT people to feel on edge around them. Because it makes them feel powerful, and it gives them control. Someone who feels on edge is less likely to challenge them. And more likely to do as they’re told.
But how do they make you feel this way?
Narcissists have many deliberate and unintentional ways of putting people on edge. And once you learn them, you can channel your feelings to detect when someone’s a narcissist. Plus you can understand why you feel this way. Because it’s usually your body’s way of telling you something’s wrong.
Here’s some of the ways narcissists put you on edge…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
The Disconnect
When you interact with a neuro-typical, there’s give and take. You judge each others moods, interests, and personalities. And together you hit somewhere near the middle. Compromising to gain rapport. But narcissists don’t do this.
They may talk loudly, when you’re quieter than them. Or talk at length about subjects you clearly don’t want to discuss.
Narcissists either don’t notice, or don’t care about body language and social cues. And they do what they want, how they want. Without looking for middle ground. In fact they may even deliberately trample over your social cues, just to assert their authority.
This makes interactions feel awkward and “wrong”. Leaving you with uneasy feelings in the pit of your stomach. Even when they’re being pleasant.
Narcissists would rather talk AT you than WITH you. And they never truly connect. Leaving you feeling uneasy, because this is not normal.
Don’t Take No For An Answer
Some narcissists don’t take no for an answer. And when they want something, they feel entitled to it.
In most adult relationships you respect each others decisions. But not narcissists. They may plead, pester, bully and manipulate their way to compliance. And punish your refusals with arguments and hostility.
Your brain remembers these patterns and braces itself for a fight whenever they ask for something. Because it learns that this is the normal course of events. This anticipation causes a rush of adrenaline as you enter “flight or fight” mode. Which is why you feel on edge.
Force You To Change
Narcissists are often hyper critical of those close to them. And criticise their behaviours, opinions, interests – and just about everything else.
This causes people to constantly second guess themselves. And get into the habit of thinking how the narcissists would want them to react. Rather than behaving spontaneously and naturally.
Being forced to be someone you’re not is bound to put you on edge. Because you have to think carefully before everything you do. And anything from the way you make a cup of tea to how you tie your shoe laces could be “wrong”. So you feel unsettled pretty much all the time.
Expect You To Mind Read
Narcissists often place ridiculously high expectations on those around them. And expect them to be mind readers, and anticipate their needs and wants.
Narcissists want others to be as focussed on them as they are themselves. And can become bitter and twisted when they’re not.
This puts people on edge. Because it’s impossible to anticipate everything that somebody wants. And inevitably the narcissist moves the goal posts, so you can never win.
This impossible situation keeps you on edge, because you’re constantly trying to keep them happy and appease them. But you’re fighting a losing battle.
Subtle Put Downs And Devaluation
Narcissists are experts at putting people down in subtle ways. And can slowly eat away at your self esteem without you realising it.
An example might be where they say something like, “You look like you’ve lost weight. Keep going, I’m sure you’ll get there.” Which is basically saying, “You’re fat”.
But it’s difficult to argue with this. Because the narcissist will say, “I was complimenting you on your weight loss. And I was being encouraging. What have I said wrong?! You’re always arguing with everything I say. I don’t know why I bother.”
It can be difficult to form a cohesive argument against their subtle digs. Because it’s not normal to put people down like this. And they won’t concede they’ve done anything wrong if you challenge them. In fact they usually blame you for your reaction.
Over time, most people learn to take these subtle insults on the chin. And not argue back, because it’s not worth the hassle. Making you feel awkward and on edge around them, because you’re fighting your natural instincts.
Negative Reminders Of The Past
Narcissists like to remind people of negative times from the past to put them on edge. It could be a moment where you “failed” at something. Or when you made a fool of yourself.
This reminder briefly puts you back to that moment, making you relive all those awful feelings. And the narcissist enjoys watching you squirm.
If they sense this gets to you, the narcissist may threaten to bring this up in front of people. And use it as a form of control.
Unpredictable Behaviours
Narcissists can be unpredictable. And something they were fine with yesterday can be a major problem today.
They may like how you made a toasted cheese sandwiches one day, but throw it down in disgust the next. Even though it’s exactly the same.
They may decide they’re unhappy with you, and want to leave you. Then later act as if nothing has happened.
This unpredictability naturally puts you on edge. Because you don’t know what to expect from one minute to the next. And whilst most of us seek peace and harmony, narcissists relish in the chaos.
Difficult Personalities
Most narcissists are difficult, especially as you get closer to them. And during a disagreement they rarely compromise and concede ground. Or admit they’re wrong.
This means you have to agree to things you don’t want to. Or be dragged into a toxic and confusing argument. And this is obviously less than pleasant.
Difficult people naturally make you feel on edge. Because conflict is always around the corner. Whilst you’re seeking peace and harmony, they’re craving chaos and disorder. So it’s a never ending battle.
Final Thoughts
If someone makes you feel on edge, then it’s your body’s way of telling you something’s wrong. Listen to this signal, because it’s there for a reason.
Take some time to think why this person makes you feel this way. Is it because of the reasons discussed in this article? Do they treat you as an equal, or as a commodity to be used? Can you be your true self around them? Do you feel this way with other people?
If possible, talk to others about how this person makes them feel. Do they also feel on edge around them?
These questions help you build up a picture. And understand why you feel on edge around this individual.
If these feelings persist, then it’s probably wise to give them a wide berth. Because it’s not worth the hassle of letting someone toxic into your life. Because once they’re ingrained, you’re on their roller-coaster of drama and chaos. And it can be difficult to get off.
Please CLICK HERE For The Signs Your Partner Is A Narcissist
Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…