From a legal perspective, most narcissists aren’t neglectful. They may contribute towards a roof over your head. And food on the table. But that’s about as far as it goes.
There’s many small things we do in loving relationships, that show we care. And whilst no one’s perfect, most of us deliver the majority of these things, most of the time.
Narcissists, on the other hand, hardly do any of these smaller things. And the shear weight of things they don’t do, leaves us feeling neglected.
I once remember a friend of my ex’s daughter visiting our house, and we were all eating ice lolly’s. When I finished mine, her friend reached over to throw my lolly stick away for me, and I was struck.
I realised that nobody ever does anything like that for me. Ever. I know it’s only small, but I was so starved of care, that I still remember it over ten years later!
It can be difficult to pinpoint why you feel neglected when you’re in a narcissist relationship. Because “on paper” you’re not. And narcissists are masters at lowering your expectations.
Sadly this causes many people to believe they’re expecting too much. So they accept a neglectful relationship. And of course narcissists encourage this perception.
To help you recognise whether you’re being neglected, here’s some common ways narcissists neglect people in their life…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists Don’t Listen
Narcissists prefer to talk than listen. Because talking is more dominant. And they genuinely believe the world waits with baited breath for their pearls of wisdom.
Some narcissists fake listening by throwing out generic nods and mmm’s every now and then. But don’t specifically respond to what you’re saying. Other narcissists are more blasĂ©, and blatantly ignore you.
Not being listened to by a “loved one” isn’t good for your mental well being. As you can feel lonely, unheard, and isolated, even when in their company.
“Loved ones” are supposed to provide you with the most comfort and connection. So it’s neglectful if they consistently don’t. Especially if you spend a lot of time with them. Because if you’re not getting connection from them, then who are you getting it from?
Refuse To Listen To Your Problems
Narcissists happily bark about their own problems for hours on end. But the minute you bring up yours, you’re shut down.
They may offer half assed “solutions”, when all you want is a listening ear. They may trivialise your problems. And compare them with theirs – which are always worse. Or they may ridicule you, to embarrass you out of discussing them.
Knowing a loved one sees your problems as an inconvenience isn’t good for the soul. So most people learn to avoid discussing them. Because it only makes them feel worse when they’re shunned.
This conditions you to stop discussing your problems. So you become emotionally neglected, without the narcissist doing anything. Because they’ve already laid the foundations with their past conduct. And this puts you in a bind.
If you bring up your problems, they find ways to shut you down, which isn’t pleasant. But if you keep your problems to yourself, then you’re essentially neglecting yourself. And the narcissist can hold their hands aloft, declaring that they couldn’t help you if you didn’t tell them. So you can’t really win!
Withhold Affection
Sadly with narcissists, love is conditional. So if you don’t do as they please, they may withhold affection to punish you.
Narcissists are extremely thin skinned. And the slightest thing may trigger them to withhold affection. And you might not even know why.
Withholding affection is emotional neglect. And confusingly, narcissists often switch from hot to cold, for no apparent reason. Just to gain tactical advantages, depending on what’s going on at the time.
Narcissists also breadcrumb, where they give occasional bits of love and care, in between long bouts of neglect and sometimes abuse. This makes those rare moments of care feel like ecstasy. And can fool people into thinking they’re not being neglected. Because the bar has been set so low.
Ghosting
Ghosting is another way narcissists neglect people. And this can be a cruel and confusing form of punishment.
Narcissists often ghost people to punish them. Because they don’t have to discuss why they’re upset with them. So their unrealistic demands aren’t brought out into the open.
Ghosting is a harsh form of neglect. Because the victim usually has no idea what the problem is. How it can be solved. And when the ghosting will end. So they’re left in limbo, with no obvious solution.
Disappear
Some narcissists neglect their partners by disappearing for hours, even days. Causing worry and stress.
These disappearances may be another form of punishment. Or as a result of their selfishness.
Narcissists lack of empathy means they don’t consider their partners feelings. So they may not think to let them know where they’re going.
Other narcissists deliberately disappear to hurt their partner. Because they know their imagination is working in overdrive, wondering where they are.
Hiding your whereabouts is another form of neglect, if you’re in a romantic relationship. Because your supposed to be there for each other. And you’re supposed to have a special bond. But sadly, narcissists rarely honour their side of the deal.
Financial Neglect
Narcissists often financially neglect their loved ones. Because like everything else, they’re selfish with their money. Especially with those they’re closest to.
Narcissists often talk their partners out of working. Because this gives more control over them. But at the same time, they don’t want to pay for everything. So as usual, they aim for the best of both worlds.
This usually means their partners get the scraps. And what they do receive, comes with strings attached. But if they try and look for work, the narcissist may block them. Because they want them safely tucked away at home, all for themselves.
The narcissist doesn’t care about their partners finances. As long as they’re getting what they want from the relationship. Sadly, narcissists only focus on what THEY want.
Neglect Your Health
Narcissists expect their partners to look after them, not the other way round. So when you’re ill, the narcissist may vanish.
They may decide they need to travel for some “important” reason. They may play down your illness, and act like everything’s fine. Or invent their own illness – that’s worse than yours.
Sadly, narcissists think nothing of abandoning their loved ones in their time of need. And their lack of empathy stops them feeling guilty about it. I’ve even heard stories of narcissists expecting their partners to do housework, despite suffering life threatening illnesses.
Lack Of Empathy
Narcissists lack of empathy means they don’t connect on an emotional level. So they don’t share in your pain or joy. And whilst some are better at faking empathy, that’s all it is – fake.
Narcissists don’t feel pain when you’re hurt. So they don’t feel moved to comfort you. And they don’t share your joy when something’s gone well. So they’re not happy for your success. In fact, they’re more likely to be jealous.
Intuitively you probably know how insensitive the narcissist is. How little they’re rooting for you. And how disconnected they are emotionally.
Years of this makes you feel lonely and neglected. But sadly, you may not be able to put your finger on why.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists don’t emotionally connect. And have no intention of doing so. Which leaves their partners feeling neglected and alone.
Narcissists want all the power in their relationships. So they aim to get YOU emotionally attached, whilst they’re indifferent. Then they have the power to threaten to end the relationship, should you act out of line.
Narcissists want someone to use. Not a mutually beneficial relationship. And they work tirelessly to create this dynamic. Which is why they’re so neglectful. Narcissists have no intention of giving you any more than the minimum, to keep you around.
Couple this with their lack of empathy, and it’s no wonder many partners of narcissists feel neglected and forgotten. Because frankly, they are.
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Oops! It seems that I’m neglect my man’s health by proxy. He started smoking when he was 13 old and that was ingrained by the time I met him.
But later he found another poison. Ice Break coffee milk comes in the regular one, which comes in the coffee colored plastic bottle. Whenever I go to the shops, which is a hop and a skip to the shopping center, he reminds me to get it. He always wants it in the 2 liter bottle, with the triple shot (dark brown bottle). And he drinks it all of it in one sitting.
I know that if he was an alcoholic, or hooked on recreational drugs it would be much, much worse. But it’s still unhealthy. Beside the very strong coffee, it’s loaded with sugar. And he’ll grumble if I forget.