Narcissists like to isolate their partners for one ultimate reason – control. Narcissists work on a one-up or one-down basis in their relationships. They’re either one up, or one down. There’s no middle ground of equality.

At work they might be happy to be one down to their boss. But anyone bellow them in the pecking order soon learns their place.

Narcissists worry that if they’re not in control (one up), then the other party will dominate them. And they can’t have that, especially in their close relationships.

So narcissists use many strategies to gain the upper hand, and to de-power their partners. And isolating them, both mentally and physically, is one such tactic.

Narcissists know that an isolated person is weaker, and therefore easier to dominate. An isolated person doesn’t have the thoughts and opinions of a diverse group of people to draw from. Leaving them more open to the narcissists control and manipulations.

Learning how they isolate their partners will prepare you for the future. And it will help you understand the past. Armed with this knowledge, you’re much less likely to fall for their isolation tactics again.

So sit back and we’ll talk about the main methods narcissists employ to isolate their partners…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Stir Trouble Between Them And Their Loved Ones

Narcissists are quick to identify family and friends that might be on to their games. So they stir up trouble so that you either fall out with them, or you spend less time with them.

And even if you don’t fall out with them, they put seeds of doubt in your mind. Which prevents you trusting their opinions as much as you perhaps should.

They might, for example, claim that your friends flirt with them when you leave the room. This naturally makes you less keen to spend time with them, and it also ruins your trust. Because if this friend says anything against the narcissist, then it MUST be because they’re jealous of your relationship with them.

Another popular tactic is to accuse you of having an affair with someone you’re close to. The narcissist doesn’t care that you’re heterosexual. They’ll still accuse you of having an affair with a friend of the same sex. And once you’ve experienced the interrogations, silent treatments, and general hostility, it’s easy to conclude that it’s not worth spending time with this person.

And sometimes they don’t even care if you’re related. That doesn’t put them beyond the finger of suspicion. My own sister was once accused by her narcissist boyfriend of having an affair with me, her own brother – I kid you not!

Narcissists Make You Distrust Them

Narcissists have a knack of making you trust and distrust them at the same time. Your head says they’re trustworthy, but your heart says the opposite. And this is how they do it…

The narcissist talks a good game when it comes to trust and fidelity. They talk at length about the bad people who cheat. And how reprehensible it is. And how they’d never do anything like that. But they act very differently.

They may flirt with people, right in front of you (CLICK HERE for how narcissists subtly flirt in front of you without you being able to call them out on it). Not answer calls or messages. Or disappear at unusual times, offering lame excuses when they return.

This distrust makes you worry when they’re not around, paranoid about what they get up to. And to remedy this, you naturally want to spend as much time with them as you can.

This means you spend less time with your family and friends. Because you know from past experience that when you do, you worry about what the narcissist is up to.

Bombard You

Some narcissists like to bombard their partners with attention. And pressure them to spend huge amounts of time with them. This can seem lovely at first, like they’re so fond of you that they can’t keep away.

But really it’s so that you have little time or energy left for anyone else. We all need time alone to recharge our batteries from time to time. And if you get precious little time to yourself, then you end up shunning your family and friends when the narcissist isn’t around. Because you need some peace and quiet.

This is a clever tactic because it appears that YOU are making the choice to shun all the people in your life. And in a way you are. But it’s because the narcissist fatigues you into it. And if you try to spend less time with the narcissist, they crank up the pressure. They may accuse you of not loving them, falling out with them, or anything else they can think of.

Narcissists Work You To Death

During a relationship with a narcissist, the shared responsibilities usually become yours. In my experience this was through necessity. If I didn’t want to live in squalor, then all the house work was mine. Cheers!

Narcissists feel too important to tackle the mundane tasks in life. So their partners take the reins. And this leaves them with little time or energy to socialise.

Narcissists are also deliberately obstructive. They don’t want you to have an easy life, and will deliberately make it more difficult. I once heard a narcissist say that he didn’t want to buy his wife a washing machine, because he didn’t want her to have too much time on her hands!

Fill Your Head With Talk About Loyalty

A clever ploy that I fell for is to talk at length about loyalty to each other. And how you shouldn’t complain about your relationship to people outside it. It should stay between the two of you.

That’s all well and good if they’re willing to listen to your concerns. But they’re not. Narcissists just want you to put up and shut up. And keep your concerns to yourself. And they certainly don’t want you seeking a second opinion from others, because they might reveal how badly you’re being treated.

Rude To Your Family And Friends

Although most narcissists play the nice act around your family and friends, they may change tact. The narcissists may decide to be rude to your family and friends whenever they visit. Or rude to specific people they think might be on to their games.

Pretty soon your phone stops ringing. And people make excuses for why they don’t come to see you. And can you blame them? Who’d want to visit someone who has a rude partner?

Knock Your Self Esteem

Over time, narcissists like to knock their partners self esteem. Sly digs dressed as “jokes” is one favourite. Part of this is to establish their superiority. But there’s also another reason.

The other reason is that a person lacking self esteem is less likely to get out, meet friends, and make new ones. You simply don’t have the confidence to do that any more. And because your self esteem is low, you feel less deserving of the few good friends you have left.

The narcissist hopes that you give up and retire to a life safely locked behind closed doors. Right where they want you.

Narcissists Control The Money

In the world we live in today, there’s little you can do if you don’t have cash. So the narcissist might starve you of money. Narcissists have a few ways of controlling the purse strings.

Often it’s done by shear apathy. The narcissist becomes reckless with their spending, and doesn’t care about the bills. Meaning you end up picking up the tab, leaving you with little left over.

If the narcissist is a high earner, then they might persuade you to quit your job. Of course they sell you the idea of them wanting to take care of you. But really it’s to deprive you of work friends and money.

Once you quit your job, the narcissist controls ALL the money. They may provide you with cash as a reward for the behaviours they want to encourage. Such as your complete loyalty and obedience. And part of that means not spending time with anyone else.

Children

Many narcissists are keen to have children. And it’s usually their idea. But once the child arrives, things change.

Narcissists aren’t the most nurturing in the world, and you end up taking on most of the child care duties. This makes it difficult to work, meet friends, or do anything independently from them.

And when the child reaches a more independent age, the narcissist usually wants more.

Of course the narcissist doesn’t give you the real reason why they want children. They usually sell it as a way of making your (inevitably) troubled relationship stronger. But really they want you tied down.

Move Them To Another Area

A classic narcissist strategy is to move to another area where you don’t know anyone. Of course they don’t tell you this part of their plan.

It’s usually sold as moving to “find work”, or some other golden opportunity. But really they want you away from your support network. That way you depend on them more. Which means you have no one to confirm your suspicions. And nowhere to go if you’re thinking of leaving them.

Create Situations Where You’re Isolated

Narcissists may create many situations where the result is your isolation. They might “lose” their keys, so they need to borrow yours. Meaning you can’t leave the house. Or if you tell them you’ve arranged something with a friend, they claim they’ve already arranged something they want to do with you. Then hastily make these arrangements!

Narcissists may hide your phone charger, or your car keys. Or they might arrange for a plumber to call round when they know you want to leave the house. They can be very creative when it comes to keeping you under lock and key.

Even when the relationship is over, narcissists still like to isolate and control. They might be vague about when they’re returning the children. Meaning you must wait in all day for when they decide to drop by. Or they turn up unannounced at random times, making you feel like you can’t move on and invite love interests round to your own house.

Final Thoughts

Many narcissists have fears of rejection. Especially if they have borderline characteristics. And locking away their partners provides them with some sort of assurance. But this is at the cost of their partners freedom. And their own sanity.

I liken this to a young child who grabs the ball and won’t let anyone play. They’re more focussed on keeping control than they are on enjoying what they’ve got.

Narcissists have disordered thinking. And they find destructive solutions to problems that don’t even exist. A true narcissist is incapable of a normal healthy relationship. And they drag normal and healthy minded people into their chaos.

The only chance you have is to control the relationship yourself. But the insecurity of a narcissist prevents this. And the minute your back is turned, they plot new elaborate ways to isolate you.

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