Narcissists spend most of their time operating under a façade. This is where they pretend to be empathetic, caring, and considerate – a normal person.
Façade management is important to narcissists. Because they need people to stick around, to give them the attention and adoration they crave. If they act narcissistic all the time, they push people away.
Lower functioning narcissists are less disciplined with their façade management. And often give the game away. They may regularly trade in their façade for relatively minor gains. Such as petty stealing and blatant bullying.
Higher functioning narcissists are more careful to maintain a positive façade. They understand the importance of a positive public perception. And some can fool friends, relatives, and even partners for years.
Higher functioning narcissists rarely allow their mask to slip. And when they do, it’s to a limited audience. And they often minimise the damage to their reputations. They may make excuses, create distractions, blame others, etc.
However these narcissists sometimes give the game away. And reveal what’s really going on in their heads. But most people don’t notice, because they have no idea about narcissism. And the clues are subtle, and can be missed.
Here’s some of the ways narcissists give themselves away…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Projection
Narcissists often project their faults onto others. Mostly because they don’t like admitting being less than perfect. So if they’re bad tempered for example, they may accuse others of the same.
Projection gives clues to the narcissists secret behaviours and intentions. Because they may accuse others of what’s secretly going on in their world.
They may for example accuse their partners of cheating. When they’re the ones cheating. Or accuse others of being selfish, when it’s blatantly them. So sometimes their accusations are actually admissions of guilt.
The clue is usually when these accusations pop up randomly. And with little substance to back them up. (Although sometimes, narcissists make random accusations they don’t actually believe, just to control a situation. They may for example accuse their partners of having an affair with their personal trainer, just to stop them going to the gym. So this must be taken with a pinch of salt.)
Hints
Narcissists spend much of their lives walled off from their emotions. They believe this makes them strong, because they can’t be emotionally hurt.
But detaching from their emotions leaves them feeling flat. Because they’re not experiencing the normal spectrum of human emotions. This leads to some narcissists seeking thrills and drama by taking risks. Because the danger gets their cold blood pumping.
For a quick thrill, some narcissists hint at what they’re doing wrong. Flirting with danger.
They may point out someone they’re having an affair with to their partner. And tell them they used to be in a relationship with this person. Or tell you how successful they are with the opposite sex, in a jokey way.
These hints seem innocent on the surface. And most normally thinking people wouldn’t risk giving their games away like this. So it’s only after the narcissist has been caught, the person remembers and recognises their hint for what it actually was.
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s common for narcissists to hint at what they are. They may talk about mental health struggles. Or how they can sometimes be stubborn or argumentative.
But it’s usually done in a way that dilutes their true natures. And presents them as a normally flawed individual. Rather than a raging narcissist!
Jokes
The saying “Many a true word is spoken in jest” certainly applies to narcissists. In a similar way to hints, narcissists may joke about something that’s actually true.
The narcissist is again attracted to the risk. And feels clever for hiding in plain sight.
They may joke about being the boss. Which is really what they consider themselves. Or joke that you’re their property. Which they’re likely to actually believe.
I once discussed what I’d learned about narcissism to a narcissist friend. His partner was also present. He “joked” in front of her that I was revealing all his secrets!
Treat You Worse
Narcissists are impulsive. And if they’re up to no good, it’s often reflected in their altered behaviours. But their changes are different to the norm.
When a neuro-typical cheats they usually treat their partners better. Bringing them flowers, chocolates, and fine wine. Because they feel guilty, and want relief from these bad feelings.
But when a narcissist cheats, they usually treat their partners worse. They lack empathy, so they don’t feel guilty. Instead they get cocky.
The narcissist feels they no longer need to keep their current partner sweet. Because they’ve got other options. So they’re usually more cruel, because they’ve less to lose.
Language
Narcissists sometimes give away their inner thoughts and feelings by the language they use. These may be subtle, and easy to dismiss as a slip, which sometimes they are. But if they repeat them, take notice.
A classic is when the narcissist says “even I…” This usually shows their high opinion of themselves. For example, “Even I struggled to do that.”
My ex would frequently refer to our bedroom as “My bedroom”. Showing that she considered the room, and probably the whole house, exclusively hers.
Body Language
Body language may also give narcissists away. And show their typical narcissistic attitudes.
They may dismissively wave away a waiter at a restaurant. Or talk down to them for no reason. Showing contempt for someone they consider beneath them.
A narcissist may stand with their back directly in front of someone. Showing how inferior they think they are.
A classic I’ve seen a few times is where they hold something out they want rid of. And turn their head away, expecting you to take it. Like they’re royalty. And you’re their servant.
Narcissists body language often gives away their delusions of superiority and entitlement. Because people are less likely to fabricate their body language, than they are their words.
Over Estimate Themselves
Narcissists often give themselves away because they over estimate their own intelligence. And under estimate everyone else’s.
Their tricks and deceptions sometimes lack sophistication. And may have a child-like quality. Because they arrogantly believe they don’t need to think things through.
Strangely this sometimes works in their favour. Because they’re so obvious, it’s easy to think you must have missed something. Or you’re stunned into disbelief.
So if a narcissist tries fooling you with crude methods, it could be they think they’re sophisticated enough for an inferior being like yourself!
A Moment Of Honesty
Narcissists sometimes have a moment of honesty. And confess what they’re really like.
At the beginning of a relationship they may admit they’ll one day hurt you. Perhaps saddened that they always screw up relationships.
They may at times admit they’re difficult to be around. Or have flaws such as anger issues.
Part of this may be honesty. But another part is to give themselves a free pass. If they establish “this is what I’m like”, it implies you must accept what they do. Because they can always claim, “I did warn you”.
Final Thoughts
Here’s just some of the ways narcissists give themselves away. When you live a lie, you’re bound to slip up here and there. Especially with those you spend most of your time with.
Often once a relationship is over, people retrospectively spot the signs. Especially if they read up on narcissism. They’re no longer in the thick of things, and aren’t under the narcissists spell.
If you get a gut feeling someone might be a narcissist, or they’re up to no good, look for these signs. And don’t dismiss them. Because even the nicest people on the outside sometimes have dark secrets lurking within.
Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists Pretend To Be Nice
Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…