Narcissists often create situations where people walk on egg shells around them. And in my experience, it’s usually deliberate.
Narcissists LIKE people walking on egg shells. It makes them feel powerful, and it usually gives them more control over those around them. People in fear are more likely to do as they’re told.
Most people feel uncomfortable when they’re walking on egg shells, and want to alleviate the situation. So they jump at the chance to placate the narcissist. Which means the narcissist has everyone rallying round to help and sooth them.
Narcissists love special treatment. It feeds their delusions of superiority. When people are walking on egg shells, the narcissist can be snappy and bolshy, and still enjoy preferential treatment.
Narcissists love being centre of attention. And everybody tip toeing around them makes them feel important. Like an angry King or Queen, surrounded by their cowering peasants.
Narcissists develop many strategies to get people walking on egg shells around them. Here’s a few I’ve noticed over the years…
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Blow Hot And Cold
Many narcissist blow hot and cold, for no apparent reason. They’re nice one minute, and cold and distant the next.
In some ways this is worse than being nasty all the time. Because at least then you know what to expect. It can be quite shocking when someone is suddenly super nasty for no apparent reason. And it can leave you wondering what you’ve done wrong.
This keeps you confused and off balance, not sure what to expect. Even when they’re being nice, you’re still walking on egg shells. Because you’re anticipating a sudden change of mood at any time.
Bad Moods
When a narcissists gets in a bad mood, EVERYBODY knows about it. They’re super snappy to everyone around them. And create an atmosphere you can cut with a knife. Inevitably, everyone is talking about them and their bad mood, which is what they want.
I remember years ago when I started a new job. On my first day, the office narcissist warned me that she sometimes gets in bad moods. And said people usually leave her alone when she’s like this. I realise now that she was prepping me to walk on egg shells when she displayed one of her ābad moodsā.
Narcissists Double Binds
Narcissists love putting people in double binds, where they’re ādamned if they do, and damned if they don’t.ā They place you in situations where you can’t win, then blame you for doing something wrong. Whatever you do.
An example could be a narcissist leaving a half eaten sandwich in the kitchen. If you throw it away they say they were saving it, and blame you for throwing away their food. If you leave it, they accuse you of not keeping things tidy.
This leaves people desperately trying not to mess up. But no matter how hard they try, they always fall short. Because they’re set up to fail. This naturally causes worry, because you don’t want to disappoint them, but it always keeps happening.
When you don’t know what they’re up to, it’s easy to blame yourself. And fall for the trap of thinking it’s your fault. And this can make you nervous around them, desperately hoping not to screw up again.
Watch You
Some narcissists have a habit of watching you for no apparent reason. You can see their eyes following you around, even though you’re not doing anything special. The narcissist is usually looking for flaws or mistakes they can either ridicule at the time, or use as ammo for later.
The most minor scuff of your foot on the floor might be met with laughs of derision, because you ātripped overā. Or a crumb drops out your mouth, which means you eat like a pig.
The narcissist hopes to unnerve you by watching you. And they sometimes make an obvious show of watching you closely, and criticising every little thing you do. Making you self conscious and walking on egg shells.
Silent Treatment
Some narcissists like giving the silent treatment. This can be particularly effective in getting people walking on egg shells.
People around the narcissist can be confused as to why the narcissist isn’t speaking. And unable to find out why, because they won’t answer.
This creates paranoia, as the person searches for what they might have done wrong. Or worried what’s happening to the narcissist to make them this way. Confusion plus paranoia equals walking on egg shells!
Narcissists Hyper Criticise
Narcissists often become hyper critical to those closest to them. The most minute āmistakeā is pounced on. And treated like you spat in their soup.
They may ridicule, get angry, or embarrass you in front of others. This causes people to become massively self conscious, worrying about almost everything they do. Because they can’t relax and just be themselves.
Put Downs
Many narcissists like to erode the self esteem of those closest to them using put downs. Narcissists test to see what they can get away with. And push things more and more until you react. Then claim they were joking. Or accuse you of being sensitive.
They often use subtle digs in a way where it’s easy for them to deny what they’re up to. But they know that these repeated put downs gradually erode your confidence. And a less confident person is more likely to walk on egg shells around them.
High Expectations
Narcissists often place ridiculously high expectations on their significant others. And expect you to anticipate their every thought and action. Despite the fact they don’t do the same for you.
Narcissists can sometimes use the previously mentioned tactics, such as silent treatment and hyper criticise, when you haven’t met their expectations. Leaving you walking on egg shells, worried you might have let them down.
Final Thoughts
Most narcissists use a combination of these tactics to get people walking on egg shells. They love the feelings of power they get from cowering folk, frightened and nervous around them. And they know that people usually go out their way to placate them. Meaning they receive special treatment.
Because narcissists lack empathy, they don’t care that they make people around them nervous, creating bad feelings. Narcissists are too busy focussing on themselves and THEIR needs to worry about that.
Most people feel bad if they negatively affect people around them. So they don’t get into the habit of doing it often. If you know someone that regularly makes you feel like you’re walking on egg shells, then you could have a narcissist in your life.
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