Most narcissists are charmers. And this “charm” is sometimes known as “love bombing”.
Narcissists quickly make people feel at ease, like they’ve known them years. And make them feel they’ve met the one person in the universe who truly understands them.
Narcissists can come across as caring, kind, and considerate when they want to. And spend years developing strategies to charm people.
This is because they NEED supply. Narcissists need almost constant attention. Like people need food and water. And they need someone to tell them how great they are.
Narcissists often use and abuse their friends and lovers, once the honeymoon period is over. Sometimes pushing them away. So they need to quickly charm fresh supplies. Which is why many learn to be master charmers.
Narcissists develop as array of tactics to charm people and draw them in. Here’s some tactics I’ve seen narcissists use to charm people…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Say You’re Soul Mates
I’ve heard many narcissists talk about “soul mates”, or having a “special bond”, or asking “do you feel the connection?”
It’s very flattering and romantic to hear this. Who doesn’t want a special connection to a loved one?
But this is an attempt to manipulate you into believing you share a special and otherworldly connection. Really it’s the narcissist securing themselves as someone irreplaceable in your life. They know that once they’re irreplaceable, they can get away with more narcissistic behaviour.
We’re all guilty of magical thinking from time to time. And it’s surprising how this fools even the most intelligent people. But the giveaway is that they they don’t walk the walk. And usually spout the same rhetoric to everyone else.
Mirror
Narcissists often mirror the person they’re trying to charm. They copy their interests, and their likes and dislikes. Some go as far as copying mannerisms, words, and even dress sense.
They may agree with most things you say. And learn about your thoughts and beliefs, and mirror them back to you.
Narcissists mirror YOU back to yourself. And encourage you to fall in love with a reflection of yourself. Which ironically is what Narcissus did in the classical tale!
Please CLICK HERE For What To Expect During A Long Term Relationship With A Narcissist
What To Expect During A Narcissist Relationship
Compliments
Some narcissists throw around compliments like confetti when drawing someone in. Narcissists know a compliment goes a long way to gaining favour and trust. And charming people to like them. So they throw out compliments generously, until they feel they’ve drawn you in.
If you listen carefully, there’s usually little substance to their compliments. They might comment how “amazing” you are. But don’t say what’s amazing about you.
Sometimes narcissists go overboard with their compliments. And lay it on too thick. But who’s gonna argue with an over the top compliment?!
I Love You
Most narcissists know these 3 words are the most powerful words they utter. And they know they provoke feelings.
Narcissists often say this early in a relationship. Often inappropriately early. And they attempt to cajole the same response back.
They may ask if you feel the same. Or act upset if you don’t reciprocate. Who wouldn’t feel bad saying nothing when told “I love you”? So they drag people into reciprocating.
I think they play the “fake it until you make it” game. They coerce you into saying you love them, with the hope that real feelings soon follow.
Constant Attention
A narcissist may bombard someone with almost constant attention. They may see you every day. Phone several times a day. And message you practically all day.
It’s flattering that someone thinks about you so much. And it’s hard not to feel charmed by it. But there’s more to it than this.
Soon your whole world revolves around them, which is exactly what they want. It’s rather like eating chocolate all day every day – it’s pleasurable, but bad for you.
You end up neglecting friends and family. And become dependant on the narcissist. Which is exactly their aim.
Fight For A “Cause”
Some narcissists impress with their ”selflessness” and “empathy”, and talk at length about good causes. They may even mirror your causes for extra charm.
Most narcissists talk a good game. But don’t actually do anything. There’s many who publicly post support for various causes online. But don’t lift a finger, even when they have the opportunity to.
Some narcissists ARE more active, and go as far as fund raising, voluntary work etc. They direct their need for admiration into positive pursuits. Which is not a bad thing.
But it’s certainly not lost on the narcissist that this helps their public image. And helps them build trust when charming others.
Narcissists Lie About Their Past
Narcissists lie about their past to make them out to be kind and caring. Like how they nursed their grandparents though their final years. Or how they care for their kids.
They also lie about how they were treated in past relationships. And often make themselves out to be poor victims. Make you feel sorry for them, and make you want to protect them.
Narcissists often move from area to area. Or regularly change jobs or friends. Then their past doesn’t catch up with them. And they can choose narration of their life events.
Good Story Tellers
Narcissists are often good story tellers. And they don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story.
Many narcissists have interesting and amusing stories they use to charm people into liking them. The stories usually portray the narcissist in a good light – either subtly or directly. They’re often fantastic and almost unbelievable.
Narcissists sometimes “borrow” other peoples stories and insert themselves in as the star. They know a good story draws people in. And the beauty of stories is they can rehash the same stories to anyone new they meet.
Gift Buying
Some narcissists buy lavish gifts to impress. And some go to great expense. They know conscientious people feel beholden when receiving lavish gifts.
Not all narcissists are good gift buyers. I’ve noticed many buy things THEY would want. Or buy things inappropriately expensive early in a relationship. But most people are grateful, because it’s the thought that counts right?
Once a narcissist has someone reeled in, the gift buying usually stops. Or is reserved for when they want something, or need forgiveness.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists whole existence revolves around gaining narcissistic supply. To have people give them attention. And tell them how great they are.
Charm is an essential skill for acquiring supply. And because supply is important to narcissists, they work hard to learn to be as charming as possible.
Try not to take a compliment or a criticism to heart. As each can be used to control.
Narcissists may compliment you and make you feel good. Or act nice or be giving. But they know they have the power to take this away with criticism and bad behaviour. Giving them the “carrot and stick” to control you.
Take a step back, keep a level head, and listen to your gut instincts. Ask if their charm feels sincere. Because when you’re dealing with a narcissist, it rarely is.
This Blog Contains Many Free Articles On Narcissism. Please SHARE On Social Media And SIGN UP To My Newsletter For New Articles. Help Spread Awareness And Keep Reading And Learning!
Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists “Love Bomb” People To Gain Their Affection
Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…