Long suffering loved ones of narcissists usually know there’s something not quite right with them. But if they don’t know about narcissism, they can be fooled into thinking it’s minor.

“Yes they’re a bit difficult at times. But deep down they care.”

Most people don’t realise how different narcissists are with their emotions. And many assume the narcissist experiences emotions the same way they do. But this isn’t the case.

Once you learn how narcissists experience their emotions, the better you understand them. It gives you some perspective on why they do the strange things they do. And why they react in their unusual ways.

Narcissists can give the appearance of experiencing emotions fairly normally. I’ll explain how and why later in this article. First, it’s important to talk about empathy…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Empathy

Here’s a sentence that might shock you. Narcissists DO have empathy! But… not like neuro-typicals.

Narcissists understand that when they call you fat and ugly, it hurts your feelings. And they know it’s wrong to do this. From a cognitive perspective, they have empathy. They know the affect it has on you.

But where their empathy falls down is when it comes to emotional empathy. They don’t FEEL the hurt they cause you. They only understand it from a logical perspective.

Whilst you might lay awake at night feeling bad for the hurt you cause. The narcissist sleeps like a log.

Without the emotional element, it’s easy for them to dismiss your feelings. And treat you carelessly. Because there’s no emotional self-punishment after the event.

Our empathy often guides us. We learn though time not to do certain things. Because we know our own minds will punish us later. “No, I can’t do that. I’ll feel awful later.” But narcissists don’t have this mechanism. So it’s much harder to keep themselves in check.

Narcissists And Remorse

Remorse means feeling guilty for a wrong committed. But because the narcissist doesn’t feel the pain they cause you, they don’t feel guilt or remorse either.

Again they know on a cognitive level that they hurt you. But because they don’t feel your pain, they don’t feel guilt or remorse.

They MAY regret what they did. But that’s only because the consequence was bad for them. Like if you left them and they wanted to keep you. Or you stopped doing all the wonderful things you normally do for them. But there’s little consideration for how you feel.

It’s likely that they don’t regret what they did either. When pushed they may say they do to win you over. But regret means admitting fault. And narcissists are reluctant to admit anything is their fault. They have delusions of superiority to maintain. And admitting fault challenges their delusions.

And even if they did feel regret, they would find a way of relieving themselves of this feeling. They may think of some supposed wrong you committed 5 years ago, and justify it that way. Or convince themselves that they didn’t really want you anyway.

Love And Hate

Narcissists don’t feel love and hate. They may be fond of you. And like the things you give them. But they don’t feel genuine love for YOU.

They may love the fact that you’re good looking, and make them look good by association. They might like that you’re wealthy and buy them nice things. They may even appreciate how good you are at putting up with them. But there’s no love for you as a person. Which is why they can so easily throw you on the scrap heap should a “better” option come up.

Even their hatred is massively diluted. A narcissist may supposedly “hate” someone. But this is usually quickly forgotten when they want something.

You may be fooled into thinking they’re being the bigger person and forgiving you. But they never hated you in the first place. They may have been angry if you didn’t fulfil a need. Or if you defied them in some way. So they acted like they hated you to punish you. But they never felt hatred towards you.

A narcissists “hate” is much like a toddlers. A toddler may “hate” their Mum for not giving them chocolate. Then 5 minutes later they love them when they need something.

Narcissists Don’t Feel Many Emotions

The truth is that narcissists don’t feel many emotions, either negative or positive. They long since built a solid wall around their emotions, for protection and control. Feeling bad hands power to someone else. And they can’t have that. And even positive emotions such as happiness, rarely get a look in.

Narcissists are “too cool for school”. And don’t like to admit something makes them happy. Because again, that concedes control. Because that something can be taken away.

This lack of emotion leaves the narcissist feeling flat. Causing them to feel restless and bored. And this lack of feelings needs replacing with something.

Supply

To supplement their lack of emotions, narcissists seek narcissistic supply. This may be admiration, power, control, or any form of attention.

Narcissists sometimes do good deeds. Not because they want others to feel good. Their lack of empathy means they don’t appreciate this. They do good deeds so that THEY feel good. Or because they want to butter you up for something they want.

Once in a blue moon they may decide to make you a sandwich. Because they’re looking for attention or admiration. And boy do they expect a fuss in return!

The narcissist expects you to tell them how great they are for making the best sandwich in the whole wide world. And anything less and they may sulk for a week.

Narcissists also engage in other attention seeking behaviours to gain supply. Many play childish games, such as poking and prodding. Play the victim. Or have some sort of cause that they pretend to care about.

Sometimes the narcissist goes rogue, and says something nasty. Or deliberately cause an argument. Because to them, negative attention is still supply. If they can’t get positive attention, then negative attention will do just fine.

And you may shout and swear at them, thinking that this will make them think twice next time. But you’re actually playing into their hands.

Causing trouble actually gives them a fix. Because it makes them feel powerful. They MADE you feel strongly enough to scream in their face. And the power they feel is as near to happy as they get. Which is why some smirk smugly when they’re being told off.

It may seem strange to you and I. But narcissists love being told off. Because it makes them feel important. Like they matter.

Narcissists Fake Emotions

Whilst most loved ones of narcissists concede that they’re not emotionally caring people. They usually believe that the narcissist feels the same emotions as them. But struggle to show it. And they think back to all the times the narcissist displayed emotions.

But the truth is, most of these emotions were faked.

There’s two reasons why narcissists fake emotions. One is for manipulation. And the second is to fit in. Let’s look at each in turn…

Manipulation

A classic manipulation is where the narcissist fakes being upset about something. Maybe someone they know has fallen ill. So the narcissist is “upset” about this.

But really the narcissist doesn’t care, unless it causes them to miss out on something. For example, this friend isn’t available to give them a lift any more.

The narcissist seizes the chance, and turns on the sympathy act. Because they know everyone will rally round to their aid. And they might shed a crocodile tear or two. This gives them favours AND attention – win-win.

Narcissists may also fake being angry with you. (Although they CAN feel genuine anger!). And come up with spurious reasons why they feel this way. Maybe you forgot it was their great Aunt’s birthday.

They do this for tactical reasons. They may want you walking on egg shells around them, just to feel powerful. Or they might want you to feel bad, so you do them favours to make it up to them.

To Fit In

Narcissists are usually aware of what emotions they SHOULD be feeling. They’ve spent years watching and imitating neuro-typicals. And most are pretty good actors when they want to be.

A narcissist knows that if someone dies, the appropriate response is tears. Or at least sadness. So the narcissist learns to respond accordingly in order to fit in. Narcissists like these simple situations, as it’s obvious how they should respond. Which is why many narcissists love funerals. A funeral is obviously a sad occasion. So they’re unlikely to get things wrong. And they can show off their fake empathy to a large audience.

In more unusual or complex situations, narcissists may not be as sure what the appropriate emotional response should be. And sometimes they get it wrong. They might, for instance, laugh when you tell them you failed your driving test. Or if your cherished pet is ill.

But because they fake things right 95% of the time, it’s easy to assume they’re having an off day should they act inconsiderately. And the narcissist will gladly let you think that.

Narcissists Confuse Their Emotions

Some narcissists confuse their emotions. And believe they’re feeling happy or sad when they’re not.

A narcissist may think they feel happy when they’ve had a huge boost of narcissistic supply. Someone important may have told them how wonderful they are. Or they gained a promotion at work.

But what they really feel is powerful and omnipotent. And secure in the knowledge that their delusions of grandeur live to fight another day. And they like this feeling.

But because the narcissist has never felt truly happy, they don’t know what happiness feels like. So it’s easy for them to misinterpret these feelings for happiness.

The same goes for sadness. They may think they feel sad when they don’t. Their delusions of superiority and grandeur may have taken a beating. They might have been reprimanded at work for example. Or no one wants to come out to play with them.

They may think they feel sad, but really they become depressed and beaten. Because their false self has taken a hammering. Reality has shown them they’re not as great as they think they are. And the narcissist may lash out defensively and angrily at whoever they decide to blame for their failings.

The narcissist may then decide to go into a public “bad mood”, in an attempt to gain back some power. They watch everyone tip toe around them, trying to appease them. And this helps them restore some lost pride. “See, I do have power.” Meanwhile people around them assume they feel sad for what’s happened.

Other Peoples Emotions

Some narcissists believe that everyone is like them. And only display emotions to manipulate others. So when you’re upset that your cherished pet dog died, they may not believe you. And they may get angry, thinking you’re trying to pull the wool over their eyes.

A few years after my parents died, I confided with my narcissist ex that I’d been feeling upset about this. She immediately flew into a rage, screaming “I feel upset about them too!”

I was stunned. Shocked. How could someone be so heartless about something like that? I was baring my soul about a sensitive issue. And was met with anger? But now I understand.

She assumed I was playing the victim to gain control of her. So her immediate reaction was rage. How dare I try to pull that trick on her! We all tend to assume that people think like us. Which is what she did. And so did I. I wrongly assumed she’d treat me with compassion.

Some narcissists get jealous when they see others display emotions. (Yes, they often feel jealousy!) Particularly if it’s happiness. Those narcissists know they don’t experience happiness in the same way. And they generally don’t want to, because emotions are a signs of weakness. But that doesn’t stop them wanting to cherry pick, if you look like you’re having a good time. So they may attempt to sabotage your happy feelings.

They may deliberately cause an argument, to bring you back down to earth. Or try to belittle you for being so happy. How dare you!

Final Thoughts

It’s easy to be fooled into thinking that narcissists feel emotions the same way we do. They’re good at faking them to fit in. And they have extra incentive to learn to fake emotions for manipulation.

But they sometimes make mistakes, or don’t care to fake them. And this leaves their loved ones scratching their heads in disbelief.

It’s natural to assume that people think in similar ways to ourselves. Which is why narcissists can fool even close family members for years.

We tend to find excuses for the narcissist to explain their behaviours and lack of emotions. They must be having a bad day. Or they have trouble showing their feelings.

But the truth is that narcissists built a wall around their emotions many years ago. They consider emotions a sign of weakness. And look down their noses at neuro-typicals displaying “weak” emotions.

But this leaves them in an emotional void. And to fill it they look for supply. This is usually in the form of power and control. Or attention, either positive or negative.

Whilst this temporarily fills the hole left by their lack of emotional feeling, it doesn’t last long. And soon they’re looking for more.

Please CLICK HERE For Why Narcissists Create Drama

Or Scroll Down For My Most Popular Posts (Mobile)…

Why Narcissists Create Drama