It wasn’t your fault.
Most narcissist survivors deal with the aftermath of abuse, AND they’re led to believe EVERYTHING was their fault. If you accept this, it hampers your healing.
You’re left hurt, confused, and doubting yourself. “I tried my best. How did I fail?”
You didn’t fail. It was impossible to succeed. The narcissist blamed YOU for THEIR faults. And deep down they know it.
They twist and turn the facts. Play with your emotions. Find your sore spots and poke.
Narcissists find a so called “fault” you’re sensitive about, and use that as an excuse for their behaviours.
You’re gut tells you it wasn’t you. But your head is programmed with years of repetitious blaming.
This confusion can impact your confidence in future relationships.
It’s difficult to gain closure when you feel totally responsible. Especially when you don’t quite know what you did wrong.
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
“How do I know I won’t fail again?”
Narcissists commonly pass the buck. They don’t care what damage this does. They don’t have the strength of character to hold their hands up and say “I messed up.”
Like a small child, they want get off the hook, and happily drop you in it.
Don’t listen to the narcissists narrative of events. Listen to your heart.
Narcissists say ANYTHING to pass the blame. But your heart is there for YOU.
So I’ll say it again but louder, “IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT”.
Listen to your heart. It has no hidden agendas, and no ulterior motives.
Every day that passes without the narcissist is an opportunity to grow and heal. Forgive the narcissist, but never forget, they would do this again given the chance.
They selected you because you have qualities they can only dream of. And they jealously try to strip them from you. But your qualities are still within you. Because they ARE you.
Don’t feel guilty for allowing them to treat you the way they did. You wanted love. And you thought the best of them. You trusted they were a good person, like yourself. They knew this and took advantage. It’s NOT shame on you. It’s shame on THEM.
Focus on yourself. Reconnect with old friends and old hobbies and interests. Make new friends and find new interests. There’s a whole world out there waiting for you to explore and enjoy.
Move on. Learn and grow. And enjoy your time on this Earth. And leave the narcissist firmly in your past.
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Thank you for your reading and yes it is their fault not mine . Just wanting to help and couldn,t . Now I go on with my life and learn from this lesson .
You’re welcome. Yes, learn from it, and go out there and live your best life!
Thanks for writing this blog. I’m in the process of getting divorced from my narcissist wife, and a terrible custody fight for my son. My wife almost ex is making it very hard. But I got God on my side and His fighting this fight for me.
There’s been many times that I wanted to give up. But there’s no way I can give up on my son.
Thank you for the advice. Because she seems to be getting tired of her new supply and starting to soften me up with I’m sorry and I miss you and and and…..
But I’m not falling for it anymore.
I’m glad my blog helping you Shawn. I’ve only recently become divorced to mine, so I know what it’s like. A little knowledge of narcissism goes a long way. Once you realise they’re not normal thinking, it becomes easier to keep them at arms length. I’m glad you’re aware of what she’s up to. They’re so predictable at times!
Thank you 🙏🏾 I really needed to read this💖
Glad I could help Rachel.
Thankyou for this…I battle with blaming / being really angry @ myself for staying in the relationship for 7 1/2 years. Because I turned into someone my close family didnt even know. As that was NOT me to allow the horrible stuff I went through. I am STILL trying to HEAL from it all. And it has NOT been easy.
You’re welcome! I was with mine for 12 years Tonya. They have a way of making you feel you’re imagining things, being too sensitive, and it’s your fault. And then splash in the odd compliment to keep you going. They’re very sneaky. Being angry and blaming yourself means they’re still affecting you. Just take it as a valuable lesson learned. This article might help you – http://narcissisms.com/how-to-get-back-at-a-narcissist/
Thanks Jon. I needed to hear this. I have been married to an NPD for nine years now. I am sure it has had an affect on me, but I hope not too much. It looks like we are headed for divorce too.