Neuro-typical relationships often grow stronger over time. Bonds are built. They learn about each other, and grow together. But the opposite is usually true with narcissists.
Narcissists often idealise their partners at the beginning. And treat them like they’re the most precious thing on earth. Then over time, they grow to resent, and even hate them. Why such a stark difference?
There’s several reasons why narcissists think less of partners over time. In this article I’ll discuss why narcissists hate come to their partners…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Inferiority
Narcissists don’t look for mutually beneficial relationships. They look for someone to use and abuse. So they enter new relationships with the attitude of tricking them into it.
If they succeed in landing a new partner, then the narcissist considers them inferior. Because they successfully conned them.
This leads their partners into a no-win situation. Because they’re automatically looked down on, just for being with them. Which reminds me of the Groucho Marx quote, “I don’t want to be a member of a club that would accept me as one of its members”!
Resent Needing Them
Most narcissists need huge amounts of attention and validation. And will crumble without it.
Their big problem is that platonic friendships don’t usually give them enough supply. Because you spend less time with friends than lovers. And the attention is less intense. So having a partner is pretty much a necessity for most narcissists.
However, narcissists also harbour delusions of superiority. And convince themselves they’re omnipotent, and don’t need anybody. So this leaves them in quandary.
Deep down they know they need their partner. But they can’t admit this to themselves. And they certainly can’t admit this to their partners. Because this would hand away power.
So they resent needing their partner. And act increasingly hostile towards them, to convince themselves and their partner that they’re powerful and independent.
In response, the narcissist may blow hot and cold whilst navigating between their need for attention, and their need to feel independent. And may even turn the relationship into an on-off affair. Flitting between quenching their need for attention, and their need for control.
Unrealistic Expectations
Narcissists believe they deserve total devotion from their partners. And their partners should cater to their every need. Even at the expense of themselves.
These expectations cannot be matched. No matter how hard they try.
So the narcissist builds up resentment over time. And focusses on what their partner doesn’t do, rather than on what they do. And with this attitude, it’s no wonder they build up hate over time.
Criticisms
Narcissists are thin skinned when it comes to criticism. And something innocent can be taken as a put down. For example, not liking a song they like may be taken as an insult. Because they interpret it as you saying they have poor taste.
Over time, narcissists collect stamps. And build resentment for perceived and genuine criticisms. And since they’re difficult to live with AND take everything to heart, this is a recipe for disaster.
Please CLICK HERE For What A Narcissist Relationship Feels Like
Imperfections
We all have flaws. And the longer you know someone, the more you discover.
Over time, the narcissist discovers more flaws in their partner. And increasingly dislikes them, because they’re not perfect enough for someone as great as them.
Narcissists struggle accepting that someone can be a good person, whilst having flaws. Instead they focus on their imperfections. Until that’s all they can see.
Over time, these imperfections grow in the narcissists mind. And are blown more out of proportion. Until the narcissist can’t stand them. Even though they may have some amazing qualities.
Jealousy
Narcissists expect everything to be about them. And they get uncomfortable when someone steals “their” spotlight. So their partners achievements are likely to trigger jealousy. Which is not the basis of a healthy relationship.
The narcissist may hate their partners success so much, they may even sabotage it. And look at them as competitor, or an enemy, rather than a partner in life.
Narcissists also get jealous of their partners empathy. And how effortlessly they get on with people.
Narcissists want to be liked and admired. So they spend time and energy pretending to be nice to certain people. To win their approval. But because they’re being fake, it’s draining, and difficult to maintain.
Their empathic partners on the other hand, do this effortlessly. Because it’s who they are. And the narcissist resents this. And may convince themselves that their partner is faking it, just like they do.
Reduced Supply Over Time
As I’m sure you know, narcissists need narcissistic supply. Which is the attention and validation others provide.
However, the amount of supply they source from someone, usually decreases over time. Because it’s no longer a challenge, or as fresh and exciting as it once was.
So their partners value goes down over time. Which leads to more resentment.
Many narcissists look to newer, fresher sources of supply. Who can give them more of what they want – attention and validation. A mutually beneficial relationship isn’t on their radar. They just want the best source of supply they can get.
Final Thoughts
Whilst most relationships grow stronger over time, narcissist relationships grow weaker. Until it’s almost inevitable that they come to hate their partners.
There’s little you can do to halt the narcissists growing hatred. Because tiny “flaws” are jumped on. And they build resentment over real and perceived imperfections.
Ultimately the narcissist doesn’t care for their partner. Only what they can give them. And they set a high bar as to what they expect. So it’s no surprise they end up hating their partner.
However narcissists are masters at blame shifting. And can make their partners feel responsible for their inability to form a healthy relationship.
So don’t feel guilty for a “failed” relationship with a narcissist. Because it’s highly likely it was doomed from the start. And it’s likely that the same “relationship issues” weren’t the first time they experienced them. Nor will they be the last.
Please CLICK HERE For How Narcissists Punish You
Its true, the Narc I’ve been married to for 25 years has no ability to feel love. not even for our five children. The mental abuse among other things has defused my optimism toward life. before I was aware that narcissist existed and how to read their character traits , I thought that I was responsible for all the problems in our marriage, that I was a delusional , lying trouble maker and a failure. its taken me ten years to start learning that I am enough, and not responsible for the misery in my life.
Yes it’s quite sad that they can’t even love their own family. Yet make their partners feel responsible for their shortcomings. It’s good you’ve finally seen the light. I sometimes wonder how many people go their entire never knowing.