Narcissists cancelling plans last minute can be a sign of several things, often rooted in their need for control and narcissistic supply. They may feel the plans threaten their control or superiority, leading them to cancel to regain their sense of power. Alternatively, they may cancel plans to test your availability, and willingness to cater to their needs. 

Some narcissists cancel plans so much, the only thing that’s reliable about them is their unreliability. As I’m sure you’re aware, narcissists don’t think in a neuro-typical way. So the reasons they cancel plans don’t always make sense to you or me. But they do to them.

There’s many reasons why narcissists cancel plans. And understanding them helps lift the lid on some of their mysterious ways. And shows you what’s REALLY going on in their heads.

Here’s the main reasons why narcissists cancel plans…

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It Was Your Idea

Narcissists are all about control. And if the plans were your idea, then the narcissist may feel lost and out of control with the situation. And they can’t have this.

Lack of control makes narcissists feel weak and vulnerable. And even though you’ve planned something they’ll enjoy, it’s not enough to offset their negative feelings.

So they bail, as it gives them back control. At least in their mind it does. Because as strange as it sounds, THEY chose to cancel. So they’re back in control. Even if it means missing out.

To Test You

Narcissists are deep down insecure. And some constantly test people to see how much they’re wanted. And cancelling plans is sometimes used test this.

The narcissist may want to see how disappointed you are that they cancelled. Because if you’re devastated, then in their mind it confirms that you think highly of them. And they can rest easy – for the time being.

But narcissists are bottomless pits. And your disappointment doesn’t satisfy them for long. So they may repeatedly test you by regularly cancelling plans.

Narcissists may also test to see how much control they have in the relationship. If you’re always keen to rearrange plans, despite them regularly letting you down, then they know they have you wrapped round their little finger. Right where they want you.

Something “Better” Came Up

Narcissists are all about themselves, and don’t have much loyalty. So if a “better” plan comes up, they’re happy to ditch you at the 11^th hour.

The narcissists lack of empathy means they don’t feel bad for you. Yes they know you might be miffed. But they won’t lose any sleep over it. And it certainly won’t ruin their newly arranged plans.

Entitlement

Narcissists see people as commodities to be used. And feel entitled to pick people up, and put them down. Just like their personal possessions.

You may decide to go for a Sunday drive, then a friend calls to see if you want to hang out. So you leave your drive for another day. Do you feel bad for your car? Of course not. That would be daft, right?

The narcissist feels exactly the same way with people. In their mind they can leave hanging out with you for another day. Because they’ve got bigger fish to fry. And they feel perfectly entitled to cancel. Because they’re focussed on their own needs, and not yours.

Attention

Some narcissists cancel plans for attention. Although it may seem counterproductive, this is their thinking…

The narcissist thinks that them cancelling is a big deal. And everyone’s talking about it. Especially if the plan involves several people. Because in their mind, their cancellation sends shock waves through the masses. Because that’s the importance they bestow on themselves.

This also gives the narcissists the stage to announce a “problem” which caused the cancellation. Whether it’s their health or some other issue. And allows the narcissist to take centre stage, and gain sympathy.

To Feel Important

Some narcissists love inconveniencing people. Because in their mind, the more they can inconvenience, the more important they must be.

This is why narcissists working in a service industry love telling people that their requests can’t be granted. Even when they’re perfectly possible. Because saying “no” makes them feel powerful and in charge.

In much the same way, some narcissists love cancelling arrangements. Especially when the plans revolve around them. Because it makes them feel important when the plans dissolve without their divine touch.

Impulsive

Most narcissists are impulsive. They live in the moment, and don’t think through the consequences of their actions. Because in their mind, whatever they choose is always “right”.

Narcissists also seek thrills and spills and immediate gratification. Because it compensates for their emotional numbness.

Narcissists block out many of their emotions so they can’t be hurt. But this leaves them feeling empty inside. So they need spontaneous drama and risk taking to make them feel alive.

This means that if something more thrilling comes up, you’re quickly swept aside. Because it’s often too difficult to resist.

Punishment

A narcissist may cancel plans to punish you for something they consider you did wrong. Even though you may be oblivious as to what it was. Because narcissists can take the most innocuous things to heart.

You may have taken a minute longer than expected to respond to a message. Or you slightly over cooked their food. So they cancel plans to teach you a lesson. Even though you’ve no idea what you did “wrong”. Or even that you’re being punished.

Devaluation

Whilst a narcissist may devalue someone directly and insult them, most of their devaluations are subtle. And cancelling plans last minute is a common subtle devaluation.

No one would cancel plans with the Queen last minute. Especially for wishy washy reasons. Because she’s too important. So what does it say when they keep cancelling plans with you?

Once a narcissist becomes close to a friend or lover, they often devalue them. Because they take them for granted. And they want to assert their dominance in the relationship.

Regularly cancelling arrangements puts you in your place. And indirectly tells you that you’re unimportant, and beneath them.

Final Thoughts

Regularly cancelling plans shows how selfish narcissists are. And how they lack empathy towards others.

Narcissists see plans and arrangements as binding others, but not them. They enjoy the advantage of having plans that are “set in stone” for other people. But are flexible for them.

Narcissists use plans and arrangements to keep people on hold. Keeping them on a string. Until they decide what they want to do. And this helps them feel important and wanted.

Narcissists don’t care how their last minute cancellations affect others. In fact they welcome inconveniencing people. Because it shows they matter. Especially if they see their disappointment.

So if you make plans with a narcissist, it’s for their convenience, not yours. And it’s unlikely to be worth the paper it’s written on. Not in their eyes. Unless you’re the one to cancel the plans. Then in this case, it’s a completely different story.

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Narcissists And Future Faking