Being cheated on is bad enough. The person you thought you could trust most in the world betrays you. And sneaks around in cahoots with someone else.

It’s painfully obvious that it took time and effort to stray. Flirting, messaging, and meeting up. All whilst maintaining an innocent front to you. And if that’s not bad enough, narcissists often make their affairs public knowledge.

Going public is doubly painful, because everyone knows about the affair – except you. The one person you thought you could rely on has flipped this trust on its head. And kept you in the dark, whilst revealing the gory details to the rest of the world.

As you may know, or can imagine, this makes a painful situation worse. Because not only were you cheated on, but it feels like you were publicly humiliated.

Why would a narcissist be so open about an affair? Why tell everyone? Surely they know they’re more likely to get caught if everyone knows?

Here’s a few reasons why narcissists go public with their affairs…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Poor Impulse Control

Most narcissists have poor impulse control. And struggle containing their urges. So if they’re out and about with their affair, they may display public affection for all to see. And as soon as one person catches them, it’s out there.

This happens a lot during work place affairs. The narcissist can’t wait for discrete times to show their affection, and are caught in the store room by their colleagues. And people talk.

News of an affair travels like wildfire. It’s hot gossip. Which is why it doesn’t take long for everyone to know about it, except you.

The person who’s cheated on is often the last person to find out. Because people don’t want to be responsible for breaking up a relationship by telling them.

To Show Off

Narcissists often don’t care that everyone knows, because they need external validation to reaffirm their delusions of superiority. And in their mind, having an affair impresses others. And makes them look like hot property.

Narcissists believe an affair makes them appear attractive, popular, and virile. And they fantasise about their army of fans. Believing everyone’s jealously looking up to them.

They’re blissfully unaware that most empathetic people consider it bad form. And aren’t in the least bit impressed. Especially once you leave your 20s.

Narcissists are out of touch with reality. And find it difficult to step into other peoples shoes. So they feel proud as punch that they’re having an affair. And assume others look up to them with similar admiration.

Control

Narcissists like having control over their partners. And the amount of control they crave is never ending. Because narcissists are never satisfied.

Once a narcissist has established control in their relationship, it’s still not enough. So they must take more. And this is where the affair comes in.

Cheating gives the narcissist an increased feeling of control. Because it proves they can do what they please. And telling others about the affair increases this feeling. Because it says, “I do what I want, and I don’t care who finds out”.

To Stake Their Claim

Narcissists consider their partners their property. And the same goes for their affairs. So they may go public to let everyone know that their affair is taken. To stick their flag in them.

The narcissist is probably aware that they’re at a disadvantage to their single rivals. Because they can only offer so much time and energy. And their affair has the time and space to meet someone new, should they choose to. So they let everyone know about their affair, to ward off competition.

The Buzz

Narcissists need the buzz of drama more than most. Largely because they hide from their emotions to avoid being hurt. But this lack of emotion leaves them bored and restless.

Many narcissists flirt with danger to make them feel alive. And whilst their affair gives them an initial buzz, the excitement soon dies down. So they look to up the ante to keep the buzz going.

Many narcissists take increasingly bigger risks to get their kicks. They may meet their affair in their own marital home. Take them on vacation, pretending to be on a business trip. And even introduce them to their partner as a “friend”.

The narcissist may tell more and more people about their affair, just to increase the danger. And whilst this helps keep the buzz, it increases their chances of getting caught. But in the narcissists mind, it’s worth the risk.

They Believe They Won’t Get Caught

But increasing the danger of getting caught isn’t a problem for most narcissists. At least not in their mind. Because they feel invulnerable.

Narcissists usually overestimate their own abilities, and underestimate everyone else’s. And they believe they’re too intelligent to get caught. Over time this breeds complacency, and they see no problem telling others.

And even if someone lets the cat out the bag, many narcissists feel they’ve still got it covered. And can talk their way out of it. Because in their mind, they’ve got the gift of the gab. Plus why would someone leave a person as fabulous as themselves?

Part Of Them Wants To Get Caught

Deep down, some narcissists blab because they want to get caught. And one reason is because they like to create a situation where their partner accepts their affair.

After being caught, they may give wishy-washy excuses, and claim it’s ended. But continue their suspicious behaviours. Hoping their partner turns a blind eye, and silently accepts the situation.

Some narcissists like this silent acceptance, because it allows them to have their cake and eat it. They can pretend nothing’s going on, and live a relatively normal married life, whilst doing as they please. And they can still be hypercritical with their controlling behaviours towards their partner.

Some narcissists subconsciously want to get caught for the drama. There’s nothing more dramatic than a stormy fight over their infidelity. And in a perverse way, their partners emotional reaction satisfies their need to be wanted. Because if they’re distraught, then it shows they care.

Malicious

Some narcissists are malicious. And enjoy inflicting pain. So they get a kick out of making their affairs public.

These narcissists get off from humiliating their partners. And enjoy the fact that their affair is an open secret. They may even delight in people talking about them. Because they love the limelight.

Narcissists often “collect stamps”, and hold grudges during relationships. And these grudges can be for minor things most of us wouldn’t bat an eyelid to. So they may have a public affair to gain revenge.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists get excited when two or more people “adore” them, and they can’t resist telling people. Because what’s the point of being great if no one knows about it?!

Narcissists are too impulsive, self absorbed, and lacking in empathy to consider their partners feelings. So they don’t think about the extra hurt telling people causes. But sometimes they go beyond selfishness, and into malicious territory. And they WANT to hurt their partners.

Once you discover a narcissists affair is public knowledge, it’s natural to think that everyone’s laughing at you behind your back. But this isn’t usually the case. Not with the people that matter.

Empathetic people shake their heads in disgust. And are far from impressed by the narcissists shenanigans. Because they understand there’s nothing cool about cheating. The only person they laugh at is the narcissist, because they’re the ones acting like a fool.

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Why Narcissists Have Affairs