At the beginning of a relationship, it’s common for narcissists to love bomb their new objects of desire. Yes, we’re all on our best behaviour in the early stages, but narcissists take this to extremes. And they have a different motive to us ordinary folk.

Normal thinking people like to make a good impression with new flames. And they want to show themselves in the best possible light. But narcissists love bomb to draw someone in. They want them hooked as quickly as possible, so they can relax and unleash their narcissistic side.

The narcissist hopes their new flame falls for them, by pretending to be their ideal partner. And they may dig their claws in deeper by convincing them to cohabit, get married, or have children.

Once their partner is sufficiently locked in, the love bombing stops, and the devaluation begins. And their narcissistic behaviour increases in frequency and intensity. But by then it’s difficult to get away.

Learning the signs of being love bombed helps you to quickly spot narcissists. Because they can be difficult to identify in the early stages of a relationship.

Learning about love bombing also helps you see what they’re up to, and helps you recognise the time to get out before you’re in too deep.

Here’s some common signs that you’re being love bombed…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Compliments

Narcissists throw around compliments like confetti when they’re love bombing. And it’s easy to be taken in when you’re constantly told how wonderful you are.

Compliments obviously feel good. And it’s easy to confuse these good feelings with feelings of love. And they know and exploit this.

The narcissist spits out what they think you want to hear. But they don’t mean a word of it. If they sense you pride yourself on your intellect, then they compliment you on this. If you pride yourself on your looks, then that’s what they compliment.

Most narcissists compliments lack substance. They may call you “amazing” or “special”, but don’t explain why. So it doesn’t really mean anything.

You have to be realistic when someone excessively compliments you. Yes, I’m sure you are a great person. But are you SO great that someone can’t stop telling you after two weeks of knowing you? Or are they being insincere?

They Contact You All The Time

During the love bombing phase, narcissists typically make contact most of the time. They regularly message, phone call, and appear at your door.

It can be overwhelming. But most people wave this off, because it’s flattering that someone would be so interested. And after a while you get used to it. And this gives the narcissist power.

Once the narcissist is settled, they use this expectation as a tool to manipulate. For example they may not contact you one day, for no apparent reason. And because you’re used to an almost constant bombardment, you notice.

In fact the silence is deafening. Why have they suddenly gone quiet? So you message to make sure everything is OK. And… nothing.

This silence can be unsettling when you’re used to so much contact. And it makes it difficult to think of anything else. Which can be mistaken for feelings of attachment and love.

A love bombing narcissists may toy with you by giving you lots of attention, then withdrawing it. And you can’t complain that they haven’t contacted you for one day, because then you’d look crazy!

They Want To See You All The Time

In a similar way to constant calls and messages, love bombing narcissists want to see you all the time. And when things are fresh and new, it’s difficult to resist.

They may call round at your house and stop several days. And although this is a bit overboard, you find no reason to upset things by asking them to leave.

Bit-by-bit they leave more of their possessions at your home. Until they’ve practically moved in.

If they have their own house, then they may keep asking you over. Telling you how much they miss you. Even though you saw them yesterday.

And you might not be able to put your finger on it, but you instinctively know that you shouldn’t say no. Because it will disappoint or upset them. So against your natural instincts, you repeatedly agree.

They Like Everything You Like

Part of some narcissists love bombing tactics is to pretend they like everything you like. They may claim to like the same music, films, hobbies, politics, etc.

The narcissists wants to appear like your perfect mate. And sharing interests strengthens this perception. But there’s an easy way of rumbling them.

If you delve deeper about their supposed interests, a love bombing narcissist only has superficial knowledge. They may make excuses, or flatter their way out of it “We can’t all be as clever as you”. But make no mistake, if they claim they’re interested in something, but know nothing about it, then it’s BS!

Without knowledge of love bombing, you may find it sweet that they’re pretending to like everything you like. And you may think they’re being encouraging and accommodating. But they’re being dishonest and manipulative. And once they have you hooked, their interest in these things soon disappears.

Soul Mates Or Kindred Spirits

A love bombing narcissist may talk about being soul mates, kindred spirits, or use other out-of-this-world terminology. And whilst this sounds romantic, there’s a sinister motive.

The narcissists wants to establish a special connection to draw you in. And to keep you from leaving.

Once you believe you have a divine connection to the narcissist, you won’t want to give that up. Who would? This allows the narcissist to unleash their narcissistic behaviours, safe in the knowledge you’re unlikely to leave.

And if they push you too far and you do threaten to leave, the narcissist can remind you of this special connection. And use it as part of their next love bombing strategy, to convince you to stay.

Gifts

Love bombing narcissists may lavish you with gifts in the early stages of a relationship. And may go to inappropriately extravagant lengths.

These gifts are designed to showcase what a nice person they are. And they may also make you feel beholden. Which of course is welcomed by the narcissist.

Once the love bombing stage is over, the gifts are likely to be much less impressive – if you get one at all. The gifts were a means to an end. And if they no longer serve the narcissist, then they’re no longer interested.

You Feel Needed

During the love bombing stage, the narcissist may establish a need for you. They may for example talk about their struggles with mental health. And tell you how much you help them.

On the surface this seems flattering. But it actually serves a couple of purposes for the narcissist.

If the narcissist establishes that they need you, they know they can snap their fingers and you’ll come running. The narcissists knows you’re full of empathy. And will feel bad for turning them away in their hour of need.

This also acts as an extra insurance policy, should you ever threaten to leave. Because the narcissist can claim or imply that they would kill themselves if you left. And this causes many to stay, because they couldn’t live with themselves if they caused another persons demise.

Just remember, if you’re ever in this situation, you’re not responsible for them. You can’t stop them if they really want to harm themselves. Unless you’re with them 24/7. They must take responsibility for themselves.

Narcissists often claim you’re the only one that can help them. But why? Surely a qualified therapist would be more appropriate? If they say this, then direct them to a suitably qualified therapist. Because it’s unfair to place this burden on you. And besides which, it’s likely to be a lie.

They Want To Move Super Fast

Most narcissists attempt to rush through the stages of a relationship when they’re love bombing. They may ask you to live with them, have children, or get married.

It may feel flattering that someone would feel so sure about you after a few short weeks of dating. But there’s a reason why they want to move fast.

The narcissists doesn’t want to keep up the nice act forever. It’s exhausting, and it doesn’t give them what they want – someone to use. So they rush through the stages as quickly as possible to tie you down. Then it’s more difficult for you to leave. This allows them to bring out their narcissistic behaviours, with less chance of losing you.

A big clue you’re being love bombed is if you ask them to slow down. An empathetic person who cares for you would respect this. But a narcissist usually applies pressure.

They may tell you how they can’t help it because they’re so deliriously in love. Or they might get angry and accuse you of not loving them. Whatever pressure tactic they use, they don’t respect your wishes of slowing down. And this tells you all you need to know.

Final Thoughts

If a narcissist is successful, the love bombing stops, and the devaluation begins. And they become less giving and more taking. The compliments turn to snide comments and criticisms. And the honeymoon period withers and dies.

This is usually done gradually. So it’s difficult to pinpoint an exact time where they “change”. But it can suddenly hit you one day that your “soul mate” isn’t all that.

If you threaten to leave, or the narcissist senses you’re at the end of your tether, they may switch back to the love bombing phase for a while. Not because they feel bad for you, but to keep you from leaving.

The narcissists may treat you to a few weeks of kindness, and claim they were stressed or had some other problem that caused their behaviours. And once they feel you’re drawn in again, they gradually reintroduce their narcissistic ways.

This cycle can repeat multiple times over many years. And it keeps many partners in abusive relationships for years. Yes anyone can have a bad day. But if your partner keeps switching from love bombing to devaluation and back again, then you’re in a toxic relationship. And it’s time to get out.

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