It’s true that not all narcissists have affairs. But I’m willing to bet a high proportion do.

I’ve heard many stories of narcissists being serial cheaters. And I’ve been on the receiving end myself. So, what makes narcissists cheat?

When caught, narcissists usually blame their partners. And pick out imperfections to justify it. And their assured accusations can lead many to believe them. But it’s NOT your fault.

Did the narcissist come to you to discuss the alleged relationship problems, and try to work them out like rational adults? Or did they just put their energy into someone else? Because this tells you all you need to know.

When you realise it’s their issues and not yours, you can heal and move on. It’s likely there was little you could have done to prevent it. Despite what they claim.

Various characteristics of narcissists gives them a much greater chance of cheating. For many it’s inevitable. Here’s a few reasons why narcissists have affairs…

Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…

Sense Of Entitlement

Narcissists believe they’re special, and normal rules don’t apply to them. They’re above them. So when they enter a monogamous relationship, they think the rules only apply to the other person. In their mind, they’re entitled to do what they please.

Many narcissists love the institution of marriage. And are usually the ones pushing to tie the knot. But why would they if they want to cheat?

This is because there’s a clear set of rules, such as honour and obey, and exclusivity. Narcissists LOVE these rules because they help them control their partner. And in their mind these rules are one way.

If a narcissist wants to cheat, then they will. They don’t care about promises or loyalty. In their mind they’re entitled to do what they want. And will justify it to themselves and others. A classic excuse is claiming their partner drove them to it because of X,Y or Z.

Crave Adoration

Narcissists have delusions of superiority, and crave adoration to reaffirm them. If someone gives them attention, they find it difficult to resist.

Narcissists are suckers for compliments. And find it hard to turn away admirers. Especially if they constantly tell them how great they are. That’s music to their ears.

But it’s not always someone pursuing the narcissist. Many narcissists go out their way to attract attention.

Some are happy to flirt and gain attention that way. But like the addicts they are, the buzz of this wears off. And many need to up the ante to get the same fix.

They may subtly flirt in front of you. With your friends. And even your family. Narcissists are bottomless pits when it comes to craving adoration. And many eventually graduate to full blown cheating.

Easily Bored

Narcissists are dead inside. They block most of their emotions to keep them protected and “strong”. But this makes them miss out on a spectrum of emotions they’re supposed to feel.

So they need drama and action to feel alive. And a long term relationship is not always a roller coaster ride of thrills and spills.

Affairs spice up their world. Danger and excitement gets their cold blood pumping.

This is why narcissists often take huge risks, rather than have discrete affairs. It’s not always the actual affair that excites them. But the risks they’re taking. Which is why some take BIG chances and get caught.

See People As Objects

Because they lack emotional empathy, narcissists see people more like commodities than fellow humans. They don’t feel for people in much the same way we don’t feel for cars or toasters.

This objectifying of people makes them less likely to be loyal. You may “love” your car. But if someone gave you a new flashy model, you wouldn’t feel too much sorrow for your old faithful as it’s wheeled away.

Narcissists don’t consider that people have their own thoughts and feelings. Which is why they’re often callous with their selfishness.

Back Up Plan

Most narcissists hate being single. They need people to adore them and make them feel special. So they may have affairs as back up plans.

The narcissist may keep their affair on a string for years. Claiming they can’t leave their partner for various reasons. Maybe for the sake of their children. Or that their partner needs them so badly.

The narcissist has no intention of leaving their partner. But will future fake their affair for as long as possible. Keeping their affair on the back burner, just in case things go South in their relationship.

Control

Some narcissists have affairs to give them more control in their relationship. Narcissists hate being single, so they sometimes have to give up ground through fear their partner might leave.

Having an affair acts as an insurance policy. If their narcissistic behaviours push their partner away, they have options.

This gives them more control in their relationship. Because the threat of their partner leaving is less potent. They’ve got their affair to fall back on, so all’s not lost.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists usually seek affairs to supplement their unquenchable thirst for attention and adoration. It doesn’t matter how much their partner gives them. It’s NEVER enough.

Narcissists don’t fully connect with their partners because they lack empathy. So the benefits of an affair often outweigh concerns for hurting their partner. Or risking their relationship.

Narcissists will of course blame their partners if they’re caught. Rather than hold their hands up and apologise. Narcissists are never wrong in their eyes.

This causes their partners self esteem to take a double hit. Not only do they discover the narcissist has been cheating. But also it’s allegedly because of their shortcomings. And because the narcissists’ excuses are untrue, this leads their partners on a merry-go-round. Trying to fix personal problems they don’t actually have.

So now you know. Narcissists DON’T have affairs because there’s something wrong with you. It’s because they’re self centred and desperate for attention and drama. No, it’s not you, it’s THEM.

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