When you’re in a long term relationship with a narcissist, they test and push you. They might antagonise you deliberately. Make lots of demands. And control your every move. All whilst giving little in return.
But somehow you never quite feel enough reason to leave them. What’s going on?
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists Push You To Your Limit
Narcissists are manipulative by nature. They spend their lives manipulating. And plot and plan for most of their day. This usually makes them good at it.
Narcissists become expert at gauging your reactions. They learn which buttons to press. They know how to annoy you. How to make you feel sorry for them. And how to get what they want. And all the while they watch how you react.
Most narcissists learn the ability to push you to your limit, without quite going over. They become so good at manipulating you, they find the spot where they extract the most out of you, without you leaving them.
Narcissists hate being single. So most learn they must be clever with their manipulation.
How Narcissists Manipulate
Narcissists pick people who don’t have the strongest boundaries. And learn to more gently nudge their line, getting them gradually more used to putting up with more. They learn to subtly put them down to eat away at their self esteem. This allows them to push you more over time.
They know that a confident and secure person is less likely to put up with as much BS. So they chip away at your self esteem.
I know from personal experience that I was unhappy for many years with a narcissist. But I never quite felt enough reason to leave her. I put up with her for years. Now I know why!
They cleverly stick just to within the confines of the behaviour that would cause you to leave them.
And if they do cross the line, they back track. Narcissist act nice, apologise, or do whatever it takes to get you back on side. They learn to say what you want to hear. And all is usually forgiven.
Exceptions
Sometimes a narcissist does push through the line, and keeps pushing. And pushes too far.
A younger and more inexperienced narcissist may not yet have learnt how to find their partners line. And not yet learnt the importance of not pushing too far beyond it. So they may push someone too much too soon, and push them out their life.
Another exception is where the narcissist has plenty of supply lined up. And they consider this supply “better” than their current supply. In this case they push, and they push hard. They no longer care if you leave them, as they have a replacement ready and waiting. There’s no loyalty with narcissists.
In fact they might be happy you end things. They can blame YOU for the “failure” of the relationship. And publicly play the victim. This keeps their important public profile clean. And they know they have a chance of hoovering you back in the future with promises of better behaviour.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists usually learn to push you just before the point of leaving them. And they gradually push at this line to get you tolerating more. That way they get the most out of you for the longest amount of time.
You may feel unhappy and unsettle for months, even years. But never quite decisive enough to leave them. This is what they play on.
They usually push you hard, but not too hard. Just enough to keep you around, giving them attention and whatever they want from you.
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