There’s a lot written about how narcissists exploit others weaknesses. But narcissists have weaknesses too. This explains how people are able to take advantage of them. If you have a narcissist in your life, perhaps you’ve noticed their vulnerabilities? Especially around people they’re not close to.
Learning narcissists weaknesses helps explain some of their behaviours. Plus it helps you make relationships with narcissist go more smoothly. You may need to do some gentle manipulation of your own, if you want to get the best out of them!
Here’s some common weaknesses I’ve noticed in narcissists…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Narcissists Are Suckers For Compliments
Most narcissists are suckers for compliments. They have a greater need for admiration than most. Which leaves them wide open to manipulation when they’re complimented.
Narcissists may bask in the glow of a well worded compliment for months, even years. As their rational minds take a vacation. Narcissists often see people as “all good” or “all bad”, with no grey in between. A compliment gets them thinking of you as all good. And quickly wins them over.
Manipulators may sense the narcissists’ need for compliments, and use them to their advantage. They might for example tell them how generous they are, before asking for a loan.
Compliments are useful when in relationships with narcissists. If you want them to do something, tell them how they’re so much better at it than you. “Can you wash the car? You do a much better job than I do.”
Narcissists Want People To Like Them
Whilst narcissists may be ungiving and unkind to those closest to them. They can be the complete opposite with those more distant.
Some narcissists become “people pleasers” because of their enormous desire to be liked and admired. This causes them to go above and beyond to help people out. And manipulators take advantage of this.
Narcissists don’t feel the need to impress those closest to them. In their mind, that ship has already sailed. But those they barely know, they often jump through hoops to impress. Here’s a story that illustrates this…
I remember once asking my Dad for a screwdriver. He nonchalantly suggested where it might be. I returned stating it wasn’t there. He lazily suggested a few more places it might be. But each time it drew a blank. He just shrugged and said he didn’t know where it was. Literally minutes later a neighbour knocked on the door asking to borrow the same screwdriver. He shot up and IMMEDIATELY found it!
If you have a friend who’s a narcissist, it’s a good idea not to get too close to them. Then you’re more likely to keep them in the zone where they still want to impress you. And you can get the best out of them.
Make Promises They Can’t/Won’t Keep
Because of their need to please, narcissists end up making promises they either can’t, or won’t keep. They get caught up in the moment, offering help to someone they barely know. Because that makes them seem like such a great person. Wow, they’re so helpful to strangers, aren’t they amazing?!
But when reality kicks in, the narcissist loses interest. So they either make excuses, avoid the person, or blame a loved one for why they can’t help. They don’t want to lose face and admit they can’t be bothered.
Narcissists Like Status Symbols
Narcissists like everyone to know how great they are. And status symbols are a good way of displaying this. These might be expensive phones, cars, accessories etc.
Narcissists can be a salesman’s dream. Tell them how great they look in a new outfit, throw in a few compliments, and they’re hooked.
If the narcissist is wealthy, they’re often easy prey for younger “gold diggers”. And these gold diggers can bleed them dry for years. The narcissist lives in constant fear of losing them, so they give in to their demands. But the fear is not out of love.
They fear losing the kudos they think they gain from being with them. They’re not really bothered about them as a person. They’re more of an appliance they can show off, like a sports car. But they sometimes bend over backwards to keep them.
Sensitive
Narcissists harbour delusions of superiority, perfection, and grandiosity. And fight hard to maintain these delusions. This makes them highly sensitive to criticism. They can give it, but can’t take it.
Perhaps surprisingly, this opens them up to being bullied. If a bully susses they can’t take criticism, they may milk it for all it’s worth. And crank it up, whilst watching the narcissist squirm.
Sometimes narcissists deserve what they get. I’ve seen them call someone names, only for them to retaliate harder. And the narcissist buckle under the pressure.
Narcissists often employ the tactics of attack being the best form of defence. So their ability to take criticism often goes untested. And people can wrongly assume they’re less sensitive than they really are.
But because they’re so sensitive, you can offend them without realising. Causing them to act out for no apparent reason. Narcissists seem particularly sensitive to loved ones appearing to favour someone over them. It could be as simple as handing a cup of tea to a friend before you hand them theirs.
Don’t Read People Well
Because narcissists are self absorbed, they don’t read people well. You have to step into someone else’s shoes to understand them. Narcissist’s lack of empathy makes this difficult for them. So they don’t seem to get those red flags that scream “AVOID!”.
Narcissists often trust dubious characters. Especially if they’re charming and complimentary. And struggle to see when they’re being played. This is probably because they can’t admit that someone has outwitted them.
Narcissists Over Estimate Themselves
Most narcissists think they’re more intelligent, better looking, and successful than they really are. And this can be their undoing.
When they don’t get the success they feel they deserve, this can lead to depression. Plus anger at the world for not recognising their “talents”.
There’s a saying that happiness is based on reality minus expectations. If you lower your expectations, you can be happier in the same circumstances. Narcissists expect a lot, because in their mind they’re fantastic. So they’re often left disappointed and unhappy.
Narcissists Under Estimate Others
In a similar vein, narcissists often under estimate others. And thinks they’re vastly superior, when they’re not. And this drops them in it.
Narcissists may think their “clever” manipulation tactics fool others. When they’re actually transparent. They struggle to accept that others are intelligent and can work out their behaviours.
Narcissists can be lazy in their efforts because they underestimate others. They assume they’ve already got this in the bag with their “superior” intelligence. So they can fall short, much to their anger and confusion.
Unwilling To Admit Mistakes
Most narcissists are unwilling to admit they’ve made a mistake. When things go wrong, they don’t self reflect and see where they can improve next time. So they find themselves making the same mistakes over and over, because they don’t learn from them.
Narcissists like to blame the world for anything that goes wrong. So they often feel anger towards the world at large. And probably feel helpless too. Because changing yourself is much more doable than changing the whole world!
Narcissists Need You More Than You Need Them
Most narcissists hate being alone. They need attention and affirmation more than most. And needing people leaves them vulnerable. Because they’re so dependent on others.
A lonely narcissist may be over generous to win over new friends. And can become desperate for company and attention.
Some relentlessly pester for attention. Causing them to push some people away. Making them more desperate and needy.
Narcissists often act like they don’t need anybody. But this is a front, because narcissists don’t like to appear vulnerable. So they live in fear of being abandoned. Which is why they’re often possessive.
Final Thoughts
Like everybody, narcissists have weaknesses. Some of which can be exploited by manipulators. Particularly manipulators they don’t know well.
Narcissists like to impress people. So they can open themselves up to manipulation from sales people, gold diggers, and con artists.
Learning their weaknesses helps you understand their behaviours. And it can help you to get along with them better. Should you want to!
Deep down, narcissists want to be liked and admired. But they often use unhealthy and destructive methods in an attempt to achieve this.
If you want to get on with a narcissist, then the onus is on you to be the bigger person. You have to accept they are self absorbed and self entitled. And they WILL cause you numerous problems. Especially when you get closer to them.
It’s not easy, which is why it’s often a good idea to keep them at arms length. Then they feel they need to impress you. Rather than take you for granted. Whether you’re willing to put up with all this is entirely up to you!
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