Might as well be as positive as you can be Jes!

Lucky you got away!

Wait. I’m sorry… But where are you reading these things you mention? The very first paragraph says because so much is written regarding narcissism and romantic relationships, the author is looking at and addressing a different angle of the narcissist, which is how they treat their friends. Personally, I’ve been terrorized and ruined by one of the narcissists in my life, my romantic partner. I was desperate, homeless, lost my job, in serious debt, isolated, shunned, gossiped about, and at my wits’ end to the point that I had started doing things to harm myself. It scared me because I had never done anything like that before, but I was driven to that point. I finally left our 5 year relationship and was able resist all the antics and tricks used to lure me back into it. We all have the experiences and stories of terror and ruin at the hands of our narcissists. So, I am one whose life has been ruined, and I am not at all offended by this article. In fact, it has helped me and given me insight into the behaviors of the other narcissist in my life, a close friend.

At this point, I have read the article several times, and nowhere in this article does the author suggest or imply that there is no problem with the behavior of narcissists so long as you can get something out of them. Nowhere. He very clearly states and breaks down 12 different things that are problems with the behaviors of narcissists in relation to their friendships. Even in the final section, the author does not imply there is nothing wrong with their behaviors. “They often make things happen, because they’re easily bored…even if it’s for selfish reasons.” This is true from my experiences with both my romantic partner and close friend. “Narcisissts can be fun, charismatic, and charming.” Also true, which is how they lure us in, in the first place. “Narcissists pushy nature also has it’s positives. It can encourage you to try new things you wouldn’t normally try.” This is also true of my experiences, and all these things I would consider positive things.

The author is not generalizing them to say this happens because the narcissists are good natured or we should manipulate and intentionally get something out of the narcissists to; he is saying these things can happen, even though the motivation behind them are selfishness and self-absorption on the part of the narcissists. It’s like one of those old sayings my grandmother used to say all the time: What was meant for evil, God uses for good. So, even though they constantly did / do evil things to us, and around us, and about us, sometimes positive things happen to come from them. This does not diminish or downplay their evil behaviors of abuse, lies, deceit, manipulation, cheating, and disregard for everything in life except for themselves, and it does not it mean we forgive and forget the terror and ruin they caused. The author is just shining light on a different perspective, which I find in my own experiences to be true.

Although I, or others, might have chosen a different way to conclude this article, there is still no implication of what you inferred. And I think it is very unfair to the author to insist that he is suggesting and implying something which he clearly is not. It is also unfair to others like me, who have also been terrorized and ruined, who gained insight and tools to combat the antics of our narcissist friends from this article. This is simply a different perspective–looking at a different side of the same coin.

I agree I was terrorize by the person I was married to he didn’t have any friends and the ones that I had he chased away along with my family totally isolating me from anyone. Finally moving 3 times and after 5 years so he doesn’t find me he is finally filing for divorce the marriage only lasted 6 months. A friend saved me from that disaster I honestly believe she saved my life. Anonymous

No Veronica, I’m not saying there’s no problem with their behaviour. I’ve mentioned MANY problems with their behaviour in this article!