If someone tells you that you should keep narcissists in your life because Jesus would, then this article is for you! (Please share this article with anyone you think this will help!)
Narcissists and their enablers often argue that you should repeatedly forgive the narcissist, and keep them in your life. No matter how badly they treat you. They reason that Jesus taught tolerance and forgiveness, so you should too. But this misrepresents what Jesus taught.
Whilst He did teach forgiveness, Jesus didn’t mean at your expense. He still believed in boundaries, if someone did you harm.
The word “narcissist” never appears in the Bible. But while Jesus didn’t use modern clinical language, He often spoke about narcissistic attitudes such as pride, hypocrisy, self exaltation, spiritual arrogance, manipulation, and lovelessness. The word “narcissist” didn’t exist back then.
Here’s how some of Jesus’ teachings address what we now know as narcissism…
Please Watch The Following Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Jesus Warned Against Self Exaltation
One of Jesus’ clearest teachings was that greatness in God’s kingdom looks completely different from worldly greatness.
In a culture obsessed with status and recognition, Jesus said…
“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
— Matthew 23:12
This directly challenges the narcissists’ drive for superiority, admiration, and control. Jesus consistently elevated humility over self promotion.
When His disciples argued about who was the greatest, Jesus responded by placing a child among them, and teaching them that true greatness comes from humility and servant hood (Matthew 18:1–4).
The narcissist mindset says…
- “I deserve special treatment.”
- “I must be admired.”
- “I am above others.”
Jesus taught the opposite…
- Serve others.
- Honour others.
- Humble yourself.
- Seek God’s approval, rather than human applause.
Jesus Condemned Hypocrisy
Jesus reserved some of His strongest words for religious leaders who outwardly appeared righteous, but were inwardly corrupt, proud, and self serving.
In Matthew 23, He repeatedly said…
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites!”
Why such strong language? Because they used spirituality to elevate themselves. They wanted public recognition, titles, admiration, and influence. All while neglecting justice, mercy, and humility.
Jesus described them as…
“Whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead.”
— Matthew 23:27
This speaks powerfully about performative righteousness. Which is appearing moral, spiritual, or compassionate, while being driven by ego and image.
Narcissistic behaviour often depends on image control. Jesus cared deeply about integrity over appearances.
Jesus Taught That Love Is the Opposite Of Self Centeredness
At the core of Jesus’ teaching is sacrificial love. He said the greatest commandments are…
- Love God.
- Love your neighbour as yourself.
Real love requires empathy, humility, patience, forgiveness, and sacrifice. Qualities narcissists resist. Jesus modelled this kind of love Himself…
- He washed His disciples’ feet.
- He spent time with the overlooked and broken.
- He forgave His enemies.
- He gave Himself for others.
In contrast, narcissistic behaviour revolves around…
- Using people.
- Controlling people.
- Demanding admiration.
- Lacking compassion.
- Placing self above everyone else.
Jesus consistently called His followers away from self centeredness, and toward servant hearted love.
Jesus Warned About Pride
Pride is one of the major themes Jesus addressed throughout His ministry. In the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9–14), Jesus contrasts two men praying…
- One proudly boasting about his goodness.
- The other humbly asking for mercy.
The shocking conclusion? The humble sinner went home justified before God. Not the self righteous religious man.
Jesus exposed spiritual pride, because pride blinds people to their need for grace. Narcissism often operates similarly. It resists accountability, avoids repentance, and protects self image at all costs.
Jesus taught that spiritual maturity begins with humility, honesty, and repentance.
Jesus Addressed Controlling and Manipulative Behaviour
Jesus also challenged people who used power to dominate others. He told His disciples…
“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.”
— Mark 10:43
The rulers of the world “lorded it over” people, Jesus said, but His followers were not to lead through domination or ego. Healthy leadership in the kingdom of God is marked by…
- Service
- Gentleness
- Truth
- Responsibility.
Not intimidation, manipulation, or self-glorification.
Jesus Focused On The Heart
One reason Jesus’ teaching still feels relevant is because He focused on inner transformation, not just outward behaviour.
A person may appear successful, charismatic, religious, or influential while inwardly being ruled by pride and selfish ambition. Jesus repeatedly taught that God sees beneath appearances into the heart.
This means Christianity is not just about looking good, sounding spiritual, or gaining influence. It’s about becoming transformed from the inside out.
This is in direct contradiction to how most narcissists live. They focus on appearing good above actually being good.
What About Dealing With Narcissistic People?
In recent times there’s been the argument that we should help narcissists. Even to our own detriment. And this is justified because “It’s what Jesus taught”. But this isn’t true.
Jesus taught forgiveness, mercy, and reconciliation. But He never taught people to ignore wisdom, tolerate abuse, or surrender healthy boundaries. This distinction is extremely important when dealing with narcissists.
Many people confuse forgiveness with permission. But they’re not the same thing.
Jesus consistently demonstrated compassion AND discernment at the same time. He loved people deeply, yet He also…
- Confronted hypocrisy.
- Walked away from hostile crowds.
- Refused manipulative traps.
- Sometimes limited access to Himself.
In John 2:24, it says Jesus “would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people.” In other words, love did not mean naive trust.
Forgiveness Does Not Mean Enabling Harm
One of the most misunderstood Christian ideas is forgiveness. Biblical forgiveness means releasing personal vengeance and bitterness into God’s hands. It means refusing to become consumed by hatred or revenge.
Forgiveness does not necessarily mean…
- Pretending nothing happened.
- Immediately restoring trust.
- Removing consequences.
- Tolerating manipulation.
- Remaining in unsafe situations.
Jesus taught forgiveness repeatedly, because bitterness destroys the human heart. But He never instructed people to continually place themselves under destructive control. This matters because narcissistic relationships often involve…
- Emotional manipulation.
- Gaslighting.
- Control.
- Blame shifting.
- Dishonesty.
- Cycles of charm and cruelty.
- Exploitation.
A person can forgive someone spiritually while still recognising that the relationship is unhealthy and damaging. So forgiveness can coexist with distance, caution, and boundaries.
Jesus Himself Set Boundaries
Jesus was not endlessly accessible to everyone. There were moments when…
- He withdrew from crowds.
- Refused to answer manipulative questions.
- Stopped engaging hostile people.
- Or walked away entirely.
For example…
- When religious leaders tried to trap Him, He did not endlessly explain Himself.
- When crowds became dangerous, He departed.
- When people repeatedly rejected His message, He sometimes left and moved on.
Even before His crucifixion, Jesus remained silent before certain accusations, rather than be pulled into toxic exchanges. This is important because many people dealing with narcissists feel pressured to…
- Constantly explain themselves.
- Endlessly defend their reality.
- Keep trying to “fix” the relationship at all costs.
But Jesus did not model compulsive people pleasing. He loved truthfully, not destructively.
Boundaries Are Not Unloving
Some Christians fear that boundaries are selfish or unspiritual. But healthy boundaries are often deeply biblical. A boundary simply says…
- “I will treat you with dignity.”
- “But I will not participate in destructive behaviour.”
- “I cannot control you, but I can decide what access you have to my life.”
Even God Himself establishes boundaries throughout Scripture. Love does not eliminate accountability.
In fact, without boundaries, destructive behaviour is often empowered rather than healed. Jesus taught His followers to be…
“wise as serpents and innocent as doves”(Matthew 10:16).
This means believers are called to combine kindness with discernment.
Forgiveness And Reconciliation Are Different Things
This distinction is crucial. Forgiveness can happen internally before God. Reconciliation, however, requires…
- Repentance.
- Honesty.
- Accountability.
- Changed behaviour.
Jesus taught reconciliation, but never cheap reconciliation without truth. A narcissist may say…
- “You’re supposed to forgive me.”
- “Christians shouldn’t have boundaries.”
- “If you loved me, you’d move on.”
But biblical forgiveness does not erase wisdom. Trust is rebuilt through consistent character over time. Not by words, apologies, or emotional pressure.
Loving Someone Does Not Mean Losing Yourself
One of the painful realities of narcissist relationships is that people often lose their sense of identity trying to keep peace. They may…
- Walk on eggshells.
- Suppress their feelings.
- Tolerate mistreatment.
- Feel responsible for another person’s emotions.
Jesus never called people to become emotionally erased in the name of love. Christian love is sacrificial, but that’s not the same as enabling dysfunction.
Even Jesus still said “no,” confronted wrongdoing, and separated Himself from unhealthy dynamics when necessary.
Final Thoughts
Whilst Jesus did teach forgiveness, he didn’t mean you should forgive to your continual detriment. He meant that you should forgive so you don’t ruminate hate towards people. And become bitter and twisted.
Jesus meant forgive, so you can move on. Not forgive so they can keep using and abusing you.
Ultimately, keeping toxic narcissists in your life is enabling their behaviour. Because you’re rewarding them by accepting it. If a narcissist is getting what they want, then why would they change?
It’s only when narcissists face consequences that there’s a chance they respond. Because they don’t care how they affect others, if their needs are being met.
If everyone avoids them, then they’re almost forced to change. Because there will be no one to give them narcissistic supply of attention and validation. Which is essential for most narcissists psychology. Because as most of us know, narcissists hate being alone.
Please CLICK HERE For Why Some Narcissists Pretend To Be Religious