As I’m sure you know, narcissists have some strange behaviours. And many can be explained by the things they can’t stand.
Things we wouldn’t bat an eye lid to, can cause a narcissist melt down. Once you understand their way of thinking, it’s clearer why they behave like they do. And act out over seemingly trivial matters.
In this article I’ll discuss the things that narcissist can’t stand. Which helps you understand their strange and erratic behaviours.
Here’s some things narcissists can’t stand, plus reasons why…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
Not Having Control
Narcissists are control freaks. Especially with those close to them. And they expect to have their nearest and dearest under control.
If you’re in a romantic relationship, they may expect you to devote all your time to them. Even when they’re not around. And they may expect you sit patiently waiting for them. And answer their calls and messages immediately.
If you do something daft like visit a friend or delay responding, they feel a loss of control. And may react angrily. They might pretend they think you’re having an affair, to justify their angry reaction. Or give you the silent treatment, so you don’t know what’s going on.
If you’re friends with the narcissist, they may expect you to drop everything when they want your attention. And they may get angry if you don’t accommodate them, even if you’ve not made plans. Some hide their anger, depending on the relationship you have. But they may punish you later.
Narcissists often test people, to make sure they still have control. They may phone you out the blue, just to see how pleased you are to hear from them. Or make vague plans to see how you respond.
Narcissists can’t stand losing control of those close to them. Because they see people as commodities to be used, rather than people in their own right.
Being Ignored
Narcissists hate being ignored. Because it shows they don’t matter.
Narcissists have delusions of superiority. And believe the universe revolves around them. Underlings who ignore them, challenge these delusions.
Narcissists self esteem rests on the shaky foundations of their delusions of superiority. And if they’re challenged, they’re incensed.
This causes them to be ultra sensitive in certain situations. They may for instance take exception if you acknowledge them last when walking into a room full of people. Or pass someone a drink before you pass one to them.
If you’ve split up and ignore their hoovering, this may cause a mini crisis. Because you’re supposed to leap at the chance of spending time with them.
You Being Happy
If you break up with a narcissist, they expect you to be drowning in tears of sorrow until the end of time. If you’re happy and thriving, it’s a BIG slap in their face.
It doesn’t matter whether they did the dirty on you. They expect your life to be ruined because they’re not in it. And anything less is an insult.
You being happy challenges their delusions of superiority. Because if they’re as great as they think they are, you ought to be devastated. So if you want to annoy your narcissist ex, create as happy a life as you can. Nothing infuriates them more!
Not Being Centre Of Attention
Overt narcissists expect to be centre of attention all the time. And hate it when they’re not.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s your wedding or your birthday party, they still expect everything to revolve around them.
That’s why narcissists often play up at social gatherings. They may start an argument, just to steal the limelight. Or fake an illness to gain sympathy and attention.
I’ve even known narcissists to push people over, or throw things for no apparent reason. Just because they’re not centre stage.
Someone Being More Attractive Than Them
To narcissists, EVERYTHING is a competition. And if someone likes you, they feel slighted. Because they can’t bare someone liking you more than them.
In the narcissists mind, someone liking you is a rejection of them. Because that person should like them more than you.
This causes many narcissists to muscle in, and attempt to steal that person from you. Just to prove themselves superior. Even if the narcissist is already in a relationship, and you’re not. How selfish is that?!
You Being Successful
Narcissists can’t stand it if you’re successful. Especially if your success is in a area they have ambitions in.
Your success is taken as you stealing their limelight. And it also gives them the sobering message that they’re not superior to you. And they can’t have that.
Your success may cause them to seethe quietly to themselves. And if they can’t contain it, they may dish out sarcastic comments and put downs. Or tell you how lucky you are. And if they take it really bad, they may even sabotage you.
Narcissists aren’t happy for your success. They feel jealous and angry. Because they want it all for themselves.
Being Considered Ordinary
Narcissists consider themselves special. And expect everyone to recognise this. Even if they’ve done nothing to merit it. So if they’re treated like the rest of the riff raff, they don’t like it.
Following the same rules as everybody else can be a huge source of discomfort to narcissists. They expect special treatment, and may play up if they don’t receive it. Which can cause them to act up for seemingly no reason.
Being Exposed
Narcissists keep some of their narcissism hidden. Especially to those they don’t know well, and to those they want to impress.
If their narcissistic ways are publicly exposed, they recoil in shame. Not because they feel bad, but because of the stain on their reputation.
Narcissists know that being exposed harms their chances of gaining attention and adoration. Which is why they often play the nice act publicly. Ultimately they want to be liked and admired. Because this confirms how great they are.
If a narcissist does the dirty and their partner splits with them, they no longer control them. And are in danger of being exposed for what they really are.
So they may smear their partner to discredit them. Hoping no one believes their side of the story. Narcissists may even smear their partners BEFORE they split up. In anticipation of a future backlash.
If they’re successfully exposed, some narcissists disappear to another area to start again. With a clean slate, and fresh new victims to abuse.
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How Narcissists Blend In
The 4th paragraph under the caption, “Being Ignored” rang a bell with me.
Ultrasensitive (even if you didn’t intend to ignore them) – check.
Taking exception if you acknowledge them last when walking into a room full of people – check.
Passing a drink to someone before you pass one to them – check.
I didn’t think I was ignoring anybody. I worked with a number of people and so my habit was to call out “Hello” instead of greeting all of them individually, because everyone were usually be working flat out. But one morning there were only two in the room, one sitting at the very back and the other sitting in the cubical near mine. After I called out, “Hello,” I sat down at my workstation and turned on my computer. The lady sitting near me asked a work-related question which I answered and we had a short conversation.
But the person who was sitting at the back of the room, who was known to be very high-maintenance and hair-trigger sensitive, was offended and said, “Good morning, how are you???” in a very pointed way, acting as if I’d ignored her when that wasn’t my intention. Thank you for making things clear. She obviously wanted to be acknowledged individually and acknowledged first!
And, to add insult to injury, I’d given my other colleague a compliment!
Yeh, sometimes if it keeps the peace it’s worth giving them a little of what they want, if it’s not too detrimental to yourself!
It was a fine line between keeping the peace and walking on eggshells. If something anybody said or did that made her feel slighted, a crying jag would ensue and that would have been detrimental to everyone. But then, sometimes the sobs would come completely out of the blue.